How to keep your family together on a flight

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By Christopher Elliott

Airlines love to play musical chairs with their passengers, a game that pressures travelers to pay extra for assigned seats.

If you don’t believe me, listen to Amy Faust’s story of flying from San Francisco to Paris recently. Although she had initially reserved a seat next to her partner for the 11-hour flight, her airline separated the couple shortly before boarding.

“The only seats left together for the outbound flight were against the bathroom wall,” says Faust, an artist from Oakland, California. “Even though they were an extra $69 each, they did not recline. I was never more uncomfortable on a plane, sitting upright for the entire flight.”

No one knows how many passengers get separated on flights. No one even knows for certain how much money the U.S. airline industry makes from seat reservation fees; the government doesn’t require they report those figures.

But we do know there are thousands of frustrated passengers such as Faust. Fortunately, we also know there are ways to get assigned seats together without paying extra, whether you’re a business traveler, a couple or a family with kids.

Whether airlines separate passengers on purpose in an effort to convince you to pay extra for a seat assignment, or unintentionally, it’s never fun. Business travelers often book seats together to get work done. Leisure travelers vacationing together don’t want to be separated or are traveling with young children that need attention.

A few years ago we wrote an article about Judy Field, who is flying from Dallas to Bangkok next month on American Airlines and Japan Airlines. She had a seat booked, but not assigned.

A law was passed requiring airlines to seat families together

In 2016, Congress passed a law requiring airlines to seat families with children together without charging them more. But the Transportation Department did nothing for seven years. Airlines claim they seat families together whenever possible, but they’re also motivated by the fees they collect whenever someone reserves a seat.

Southwest Airlines is dedicated to the highest quality of customer service delivered with a sense of warmth, friendliness, individual pride, and Company Spirit. We are committed to providing our employees with a stable work environment with equal opportunity for learning and personal growth.

This week, United Airlines finally announced it would stop charging seat assignment fees for families with kids under 12. Frontier Airlines did the same, but upped the age to 14. Other airlines are expected to follow now that the White House has said the Department of Transportation will publish a family seating dashboard and launch a rulemaking to ban the practice of family seating fees.

Better late than never.

So what do you do if you can’t get assigned seats together on a plane?

Remember, you still have a seat: Airlines like to leave you with the impression that you don’t have a seat on the plane if you don’t pay for a reservation.

That’s not true. (Related: Here is the innovative airline seat of the future.)

If you don’t pay extra for a reservation, you’ll receive a seat when you check in. It might be a middle seat next to the galley, but trust me, you’ll still fly.

Make a special request

Airlines allow you to register any special needs when you book your ticket. “Check for methods of notifying the airline of special needs or requests, for the assigned seats, in this instance,” advises Grainne Kelly, a mother of two and former travel agent who owns a car booster seat company. “In some cases, changes can be made right at check-in.” For example, Delta Air Lines publishes a page on travel with kids that has useful information about seating. Calling a few days before your departure can yield positive results.

Don’t panic

Airlines want you to freak out and immediately shell over a seat reservation fee. Resist the temptation, even if you’re traveling with kids. “Don’t try to solve the problem with the airline before getting on the plane,” says David Leventhal, a frequent traveler and hotelier based in San Francisco.

Talk to a gate agent

The first real opportunity to find a seat together comes at the gate. Gate agents have a lot of flexibility in moving seats around. This time, money isn’t their primary motivator — it’s getting everyone in a seat in time for departure. “There have been multiple times where we’ve told the gate agent that we don’t have seats together but would like to, and they’ve been able to make it happen,” says Nina Thomas, a frequent traveler and author of the book “How to be Your Own Travel Agent.”

Ask for help from a flight attendant

That’s what Sarah Wilson, who travels with three young girls, does. “On several occasions, the airline does not seat us together, despite my requests,” says Wilson, a marketer who lives in Nashville, Tennessee. In fact, flight attendants often will do their best to reseat passengers when they see a separated family or even a couple.

Ask a fellow passenger to switch

“That’s the easiest way to sit together,” says frequent flier Rob Chimsky, a partner in a Sonoma, California, winery. “Just ask your respective seat neighbor if they would be willing to switch.” It helps if you can offer a better seat — preferably an aisle seat near the front of the aircraft. Otherwise, you’re likely to get a “no.”

What if none of these strategies work? Then you might try an unconventional strategy (see below). The most common, at least when it comes to kids, is threatening to not switch seats. Anyone want to sit next to a rambunctious child? Air travelers have also feigned illness and threatened the crew, both tactics I don’t recommend. And if all else fails, you could always pay the seat assignment fee.

Pro negotiating strategies for scoring assigned seats together

Typically, you can switch seats with another passenger in your class of service after the cabin doors close. Here’s how to do it:

Be polite

Sometimes, you won’t have any leverage, like a better seat or a set of extenuating circumstances. A “please” and “thank you” can overcome all of that — and land you in a seat next to your friends or family.

Sweeten the deal

Offer to buy the passenger a drink or slip them a few $20 bills. It’s still less expensive than paying the airline’s seat assignment fee.

Wait, then ask your flight attendant again

After your flight reaches cruising altitude, try asking the flight attendant for help again. You may also want to ask for the purser, or chief flight attendant, if your requests to be reseated are rebuffed. But don’t forget your manners.

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Christopher Elliott

Christopher Elliott is the founder of Elliott Advocacy, a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization that empowers consumers to solve their problems and helps those who can't. He's the author of numerous books on consumer advocacy and writes three nationally syndicated columns. He also publishes the Elliott Report, a news site for consumers, and Elliott Confidential, a critically acclaimed newsletter about customer service. If you have a consumer problem you can't solve, contact him directly through his advocacy website. You can also follow him on X, Facebook, and LinkedIn, or sign up for his daily newsletter.

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