What should you do if you’re not welcome on vacation?

Chloe Bennet says she felt unwelcome when she visited Venice recently. And she had a decision to make.

“It was a combination of the high visitor taxes, signage prohibiting certain actions, such as sitting on steps or eating outdoors, and critical looks when I used English,” says Bennet, an editor who works for an academic publisher based in Tampa. “The unspoken message was: My presence wasn’t welcome.”

Bennet didn’t know what to do. And it turns out that a lot of visitors may be in a similar situation this summer. The most popular tourist attractions will be more crowded than ever, experts say. In fact, the Louvre — the world’s most visited museum — shut down earlier this month after its staff went on strike, with employees protesting unmanageable crowds brought about by mass tourism and chronic understaffing. Meanwhile, across southern Europe, there have been coordinated anti-tourism protests in Venice, Barcelona, and Lisbon.

“Popular destinations have a love-hate relationship with tourists, especially this summer,” explains Susan Sherren, who runs the travel design company Couture Trips. “They can’t live without tourists funding their economy. But at the same time, local affordability concerns and overcrowding have skyrocketed, making the locals quite upset. I really can’t blame them and would not wish that influx of humanity in my city.”

Should you turn around and go home?

So what should you do if you feel like people don’t want you there? Turn around and go home? No. As it turns out, there are proven ways to defuse these hostilities and set your trip on the right track. I know because I’m on the road almost every day out of the year, and I’ve had to deal with almost everywhere I go. In a minute, I’ll share my secrets with you. 

But first, let’s get back to Bennet’s story. She could allow the unfriendly looks and the high taxes ruin her trip — or she could do something about it.

She decided to do something.

“I had wanted to explore Venice for many years and hoped to bond with the city without feeling like I was disrupting its rhythm,” she says. “I decided to modify my behavior to improve the situation. Even basic Italian phrases like ‘Buongiorno’ and ‘Grazie’ made a noticeable difference when I used them.”

Bennet also decided to support local businesses instead of visiting well-known tourist spots, and she stayed away from attractions during peak times.

“I noticed that locals became more welcoming when they saw my efforts to honor their cultural norms,” she adds.

Could it be that simple? Just stop acting like a tourist? Maybe.

How to deal with feeling unwelcome when you travel

Experts say you can avoid a chilly reception on your next vacation. But the time to start thinking about it is now.

“Feeling welcome as a traveler starts long before your plane lands,” says Jessica Flores, chief experience officer for Tourism Cares, a nonprofit dedicated to advancing sustainability in the travel and tourism industry. “The best way to ensure a positive experience is to do your homework before arriving.” (Related: Everyone hates tourists. Here’s how to be a better traveler next summer.)

Don’t go alone.  That’s the advice of Diane Rulke, a professor of organizational behavior at Carnegie Mellon University who has lived in Europe for the last 25 years. “Travel with a local guide, if possible,” she adds. A local will help you avoid the most touristy areas, the biggest crowds, and will help you have a more authentic experience. Also, there’s strength in numbers, so travel with friends and respect local customs.

Respect the locals. Lisa Mirza Grotts, an etiquette expert who specializes in travel issues, says Bennet had the right idea. “Pay close attention to local customs and social norms,” she says. The visitors who get the cold stares are usually the ones who flout local practices — speaking loudly in a country that values peace and quiet or wearing inappropriate or immodest clothing in a more traditional country. (Here’s our best guide to traveling this season.)

Make a personal connection. How do you do that? “A few words in the local language, genuine curiosity about their culture, and adhering to community rules can quickly ease tension,” explains John Rose, chief risk and security officer at ALTOUR. “By remaining flexible, respectful, and informed, you increase your chances of turning a frosty reception into a memorable, positive travel experience.” It’s true — Americans who assume everyone else speaks English ranks as one of the top annoyances at popular destinations.

In other words, get some local advice — and take it. And don’t act like the place belongs to you (because it doesn’t). 

And how do I know that’s true? Well, I’ve had some experience with this.

What I do when they tell me to get lost

You might find this hard to believe, but even journalists like me are often unwelcome in places we visit. (OK, that was a joke.)

I’ve always felt welcome in places like Turkey and the Middle Eastern Gulf states or the American South, which have long traditions of welcoming strangers. I’ve felt less wanted — which is a polite way of saying I’ve felt unwelcome — in places like Australia, Brazil and parts of the Caribbean. 

The first thing I always try to do is understand why they dislike tourists. And usually, there’s a pretty good reason, ranging from silly (“You drive on the wrong side of the road”) to serious (“You’ve exploited my island for generations”). 

Rachel McCaffery, a sustainable tourism expert, recalls stepping off a cruise ship in Corsica only to be greeted by protesters. But instead of walking past them, she stopped and asked them why they were demonstrating.

“There were five or six enormous cruise ships that docked in their small town harbor every day,” she says. “Turns out the continual churning of giant engines means smoke regularly billows into nearby homes, affecting people’s health.”

That was a classy move. You don’t want to be grouped with all the annoying tourists — you know, the ones that crowd the town square snapping selfies. It’s the best way to set yourself apart with good manners and respect for local culture. So that’s what I try to do. 

My final strategy is the hardest: I try to return their rage with kindness. When they grimace, I smile. And when they ignore me, I lean into my politeness. 

And it usually works. Thanks to these strategies, I have friends in some of the least hospitable places on Earth. And you can, too.

How to be a welcome guest on your next vacation

1. Research local customs. Before you travel, learn about the local etiquette, appropriate dress, and social norms. Showing you’ve done your homework is the first step to showing respect.
2. Learn a few basic phrases. Simple words like “Hello,” “Please,” and “Thank you” in the local language can make a huge difference. It shows you’re making an effort to connect, not just consume.
3. Hire a local guide and support local businesses. A local guide can help you understand cultural nuances and discover authentic experiences. Spending your money at locally-owned shops and restaurants ensures the community benefits directly from your visit.
4. Practice kindness and empathy. If you sense frustration, try to understand the local perspective on issues like overcrowding. A smile and a polite attitude can defuse tension and turn a potentially negative encounter into a positive one.

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