In this commentary
- Customers face growing anger over aggressive tipping prompts for everything from takeout coffee to online flight checkouts.
- Business practices like blocking the “no tip” option or calculating gratuities on the post-tax total fuel consumer frustration.
- Meanwhile, service workers express fury at the idea of not tipping, citing low wages and difficult customers as reasons they are entitled to a 20 percent gratuity.
If you’re upset about being asked for a gratuity at every turn — at convenience stores, supermarkets and even on websites — then you might have a case of tip rage.
“There are now more situations than there used to be in which we’re expected to tip,” says Gail Sahar, a psychology professor at Wheaton College in Norton, Mass. “That feels unfair to many people. They’re frustrated — and angry.”
A few weeks ago, I noted that many Americans had simply stopped tipping. But that’s left many people seething for two reasons: First, the solicitations for gratuities have only become louder, leading to more friction. And second, service staff are furious because their customers are not tipping enough.
What is tip rage?
Tip rage is the anger people feel when they’re pressured into leaving a gratuity. In recent months, coffee shops, restaurants, and hotels in the United States have become pushier about soliciting these extras. For example, some payment terminals are demanding a 30 percent tip before you get a takeout meal. Other times, service workers leave you with the impression that if you don’t tip enough, you’re stealing their wages.
“Getting hit up for tips all the time and in unreasonable circumstances is frustrating,” says Thomas Plante, a psychology professor at Santa Clara University. “And the frustration leads to aggression.”
To be clear, there are no reports yet of people ripping a payment terminal out of the wall and throwing it at a server, or of someone tearing a credit card receipt to shreds and tossing it on the hotel room floor like confetti. But that hasn’t stopped people from fantasizing about it.
Why consumers are mad about tipping
What’s behind the fury?
For Missy Walker, the breaking point came when the owners of her favorite coffee shop blocked the “no tip” option on its payment terminal. That meant she had to leave a gratuity before they delivered her coffee.
“I’m outraged,” says Walker, a retired teacher from Winter Garden, Fla. “And as for
the business — shame on them!”
Ed Horenburger, a retired printer from Philadelphia, says he was “disgusted” when his favorite restaurant decided to switch its suggested tip to include a gratuity on the total amount, including taxes. He doesn’t think that’s fair, a sentiment shared by many readers.
“I’ve drifted more to making coffee at home to reduce the need for tipping,” he says.
Stephen Zimmerman, the president of an accounting firm in New York, says he was stunned when he saw a tipping option after booking an airfare online — an action that required no help from a person. The site offered the option of a $1, $6 or $9 gratuity.
He declined.
“It seemed like we reached the end of the world with that,” he says.
It’s easy to see why people are upset. Being forced to leave a gratuity before a service is rendered, playing sneaky numbers games and asking for a gratuity for no service is enough to upset even the most generous tipper.
But privately, readers also told me that they were most angry about the guilt. It’s the feeling that they are responsible for the wages of their service staff, and that by failing to tip, they were depriving service workers of their salary.
Service workers have a different view, though.
From flight checkouts to self-checkouts, tip prompts are now everywhere. What’s the most absurd place a business has had the gall to ask you for a gratuity?
Service workers argue that because their wages are low, customers have a duty to tip them. Does this argument change your tipping habits?
What is your personal rule for dealing with aggressive tip solicitations? Share your best strategy in the comments below.
Why do service workers have tip rage?
Service employees, who flooded my inbox with angry messages after my last column on tipping, are outraged that this is even a topic of discussion.
Most of them feel that people should leave 20 percent tips as a baseline in restaurants, and that if you can’t, you shouldn’t bother eating out. The sentiment carried over to other service professions, including cruises, hotels and tours: Don’t even think about traveling without being prepared to add 20 percent at a minimum to the price.
I should preface this by saying my last story on gratuities talked about the people who had stopped tipping.
Almost all of the responses I received from service workers were so filled with vitriol that I can’t quote them in a family publication. They used gratuitous profanity, told me I wasn’t welcome in their restaurants, and one even promised that if I ever ordered in her establishment, she would spit in my food.
Between the epithets and threats, there was one common theme. Many U.S. states allow restaurants to pay less than minimum wage for tipped positions, so the servers rely on your gratuities to earn a living.
Bottom line, according to employees: Service workers are entitled to your gratuity, and not just because it’s part of their basic income. It’s because they have to put up with you.
“I dare ask anyone who’s worked in the service-based industry to argue that our front-line service workers don’t deserve a tip,” says Kelly Anderson, a corporate chef from La Crescenta, Calif. “Why? Because most consumers are difficult, entitled, and have misguided rage.”
OK, so we’re angry at service workers. They’re angry at us. But who’s right?
What should you do about tip rage?
Fixing this isn’t going to be easy, according to experts.
“The compensation system in the United States is totally broken,” says etiquette expert Nick Leighton. “The ultimate solution will have to come from Congress for this problem to truly be addressed.”
Until that happens, he says, customers shouldn’t be angry at service workers for a system they didn’t create — and vice versa.
But what should you do about the tip rage you feel every time you go to pay for something?
Honesty is one of the hallmarks of our system. Most consumers feel that the price you’re quoted on the menu should be the price you pay, period. If you’re being pressured to pay 20 percent above the menu price, then the company is being dishonest — and you should take your business elsewhere.
Read more insightful reader feedback. See all comments.
Most readers resent being held responsible for the salary of their restaurant server, tour guide or cabin steward. They say the cost of their meal, cruise or tour should cover everything, including worker salaries, as it does in most of the rest of the world. But if it doesn’t, then it’s a private matter between the employer and employee, and none of their business.
Americans are some of the most generous people on earth, and many of them decide to tip their servers and guides. Having traveled all over the world, I believe our generosity is one of our best qualities. But the tipped-out travelers who responded to my last story make a valid point. We shouldn’t leave a gratuity because we have to. We should do it because we have received good service and we want to.
How to avoid tip rage
There are two ways to prevent frustration at the incessant solicitations for tips. First, you can pay with cash to avoid using the electronic terminals. (And by the way, if you ever run across a payment terminal that forces you to tip — and no way to opt out, just cancel the transaction and leave.)
Some credit cards can help you maintain your calm, too. Barbara Dukart, a travel advisor from Wilmington, Del., swears by her Capital One card. Its mobile app sends her notifications from time to time, asking if she meant to leave a tip on an item. “I love it,” she says.
Matt Knise, a senior vice president at Capital One, told me the company has invested in a personal alert system “to identify unusual charges such as bill increases, double charges — or unintended overtipping.”
What if you discover that you’ve accidentally overtipped a business? Knise says it’s best to contact the merchant directly to get your gratuity back. But if that doesn’t work, you can always file a dispute on your credit card, and Capital One will try to get you a refund.
That’s right, folks. Don’t get mad about tipping. Get even.
How to handle tip rage
- Pay with cash. The simplest way to avoid an awkward digital tipping screen is to use cash. This puts you in control of the gratuity.
- Cancel the transaction. If a payment terminal forces you to select a tip and offers no way to opt out, simply cancel the sale. You can tell the business you’ll return when they stop forcing tips.
- Use credit card alerts. Some credit card companies offer alerts that can identify unusual charges, including unintended or surprisingly high tips. Check your card’s mobile app for these features.
- Dispute the charge. If you accidentally leave too large a tip, or if you feel you were deceived into tipping, contact the business for a refund. If they refuse, you can file a credit card dispute for the gratuity amount.
FAQs
- What is tip rage? It’s the anger customers feel when businesses pressure them into leaving a gratuity, often through aggressive payment screens or in situations where tipping was never expected.
- Why are customers so angry about tipping? They are frustrated by deceptive practices, such as payment terminals that demand a tip before service is even rendered, calculate tips on the post-tax total, or have no “no tip” option.
- Why do many service workers feel entitled to a tip? Because many states allow employers to pay them less than the minimum wage, service workers rely on gratuities to earn a living and often view tips as a mandatory part of their salary.
- What is the best way to handle aggressive tipping prompts? You can pay with cash to bypass the digital screens entirely. If a terminal forces a tip, you can cancel the transaction and take your business elsewhere.
To tip or not to tip: a modern guide
Full-service restaurant
Tip 15 to 20 percent on the pre-tax bill for good service.
Takeout (counter pickup)
Optional. $1 to $2 for a large or complex order.
Coffee shop / barista
Optional. $1 for a complex drink or friendly service.
Hotel housekeeping
Leave $2 to $5 in cash daily, as staff changes.
Online checkout (no human)
No tip required. This is a deceptive “junk fee.”
Grocery store checkout
No tip required, especially if you used self-checkout.
