What happens when bad parents take their kids on a plane? Maybe you get the bizarre incidents I saw in a Scandinavian airport a few weeks ago.

There was one toddler sprawled across the terminal floor while Mom tried to politely negotiate with him to return to his stroller. There was a young child sternly lecturing two adults — probably his parents — as they listened deferentially. And, of course, the screaming infant in the back of economy class in SAS, and no one tried to do a thing about it.

The experience made me wonder: Are bad children a problem in travel? Or are bad parents? 

I’ll have the correct answer in a moment. But first, let’s push the rewind button. Earlier this year, I pointed out that the problem of free-range children at the airport had taken a turn for the worse. And this summer, we had plenty of naughty children who traveled besides the ones I met in Europe. They include a boy who stubbornly refused to buckle his seatbelt and caused a one-hour delay on a flight from Santa Marta, Colombia, to Bogota, and a toddler who cried so much on a flight in China that strangers locked her in the toilet to “educate” her.

You can’t help but wonder where the parents are in all this. (Related: Here’s the bad parents’ guide to travel.)

There’s a simple solution to this problem

Well, it turns out there are ways of telling if parents are the problem — and of fixing it. At least that’s what parenting experts tell me.

But before I go on, a quick disclaimer: Flying with young kids is often difficult and stressful, and as a father of three myself, I know that firsthand. When you see a parent outnumbered and frazzled at the airport, they usually deserve your empathy and support. 

But not always. Let’s get back to that Nordic airport. Call me old-fashioned, but this dad has an easy solution to the misbehaving kids. You scoop your little snowflake off the terminal floor and strap him back into his stroller, where he can resume his tantrum — and you can get to your gate on time. The lecturing kid? That’s funny, but I always thought it was the parents who got to do the talking. 

And the infant having a meltdown? Maybe the Chinese have the right idea. I’m kidding. Give the kid a toy or something to eat. I mean, you can’t eat and scream at the same time, right?

Are you a bad parent when you travel?

If you’re a parent who is planning to fly somewhere with young children soon, here are a few questions that will help you determine if you require some remedial parenting help.

Are you clearly communicating your expectations?

“Setting clear expectations about behavior can help mitigate issues before they arise,” says Carla Bevins, who teaches business management communication at Carnegie Mellon University’s Tepper School of Business. In other words, if you’re not modeling appropriate behavior to your kids, then how can they ever know how to behave? By the way, the same thing goes for passengers seated next to a child having a hissy fit. Bevins says effective communication means using body language, tone, and words that express patience and understanding. “A smile, a knowing nod, or simply making space for a parent struggling with bags and a stroller are small but powerful gestures that show empathy and solidarity,” she adds.

Are you letting your kids cross the line?

“Should parents let their child ride a luggage carousel? Run around the airport unattended or race through the airplane?,” asks Jason Seacat, professor of psychology at Western New England University in Springfield, Mass. “No.” Some lines shouldn’t be crossed. Seacat is quick to add that parenting can be stressful and that other passengers should be understanding when a parent gets distracted and allows a toddler to cross a line by accident. But if a parent doesn’t care if the line gets crossed — well, that’s a no-no.

Are you getting unsolicited parenting advice?

That might be a red flag, says Karlee Vincent, author of “Pump or Bust,” a book to help traveling moms return to work after parental leave. “You know pretty quickly if you become the problem as a parent when other travelers start inserting their opinions without trying to help,” she adds. She recalls a flight with her daughters, ages 6 and 10, when they started fighting at a security screening area over a tray with someone else’s stuff in it. In the scuffle, the tray went flying off the conveyor belt and onto the ground. She felt as if everyone in line wanted to give her advice while the TSA agents watched her disapprovingly, with their arms crossed. “Traveling with your kids isn’t for the faint of heart,” she adds. No, it isn’t.

Yep, sometimes parents are the problem

Here’s my takeaway from all this: When kids misbehave on a plane, maybe we shouldn’t be so quick to blame them. Maybe we should be holding their parents accountable.

If only we could agree on what constitutes appropriate parenting. Thomas Plante, a psychology professor at Santa Clara University, says we live in a world where there’s a wide variety of approaches, including the ones I witnessed in Scandinavia.

“Some parents are completely hands-off and not that concerned when kids misbehave while traveling,” he says. “Others are very attentive and perhaps even controlling. It is easy to get very frustrated and angry with parents when their parenting style doesn’t match your own.”

Still, it’s a debate worth having, even if some of my readers don’t want to have it. When Eileen Gunn, who edits the family travel website FamiliesGo!, heard I was working on a story about bad parenting and travel, I got a scolding. 

“I’m dismayed and disappointed,” she told me in an email. “Articles like the one that you seem to be working on help make it easier for people to think kids and parents are fair game. Parents and grandparents trying to travel with kids have it hard enough without a major syndicated columnist shaming them.”

I’m not so sure about that. As a parent myself, I can tell you that no article would have stopped me from booking a flight with my young — and not always so well-behaved — kids. I suspect that’s true for her, too. And for you.

So whether you’re a permissive parent or a strict parent, do the rest of your passengers a favor when you get to the airport during the holidays: Please mind your kids.