“What kind of pie is that?” the TSA agent demanded
The Transportation Security Administration doesn’t like pie in the sky. We kinda suspected that after the low-rated government agency issued new guidelines on food items that could be brought onboard. Now comes a firsthand report of TSA sillyness that, if nothing else, will make you laugh out loud.
It comes by way of Jessica Bruder, a writer for the Portland Oregonian who flew to Illinois over the Thanksgiving holiday and almost had her apple pie confiscated by a federal screener.
After putting her dish through the conveyor belt, the interrogation began:
“Are you the pie lady?” the agent demanded.
Standing there in orange polka-dot socks, jeans inching down my hips, I nodded soberly. He indicated we’d have more to talk about on the far side of the metal detector.
When my pie emerged, the questions began.
“What kind of pie is that?” He squinted at the pan.
“Apple. With some raspberries.”
“Does it have lumps?”
I glanced at the crust, which was black in places and looked like a topographical rendering of the Himalayas. (To think I was trying to impress my boyfriend’s parents in Illinois with this thing.)
Why is the TSA down on holiday pies? Turns out it some pies are, indeed, “dangerous,” according to her agent.
He told me he was keeping watch for pies with cream and custard fillings. Anything that could be construed as a “gel.” He’d already turned away a pumpkin pie.
Pumpkin pie filling, he confided, “has the same consistency as certain plastic explosives.”
Have the terrorists begun baking combustible pies? I doubt it.
Rather, I think the agency is putting on a show for travelers who fly only once or twice a year. The message: the $4.7 billion of taxpayer money is being well spent to protect you.
From exploding pies.
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88 Responses to ““What kind of pie is that?” the TSA agent demanded”
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I feel so protected now that some weenie in DC is sitting around worrying about plastic explosive in baked pumpkin pies . . . idiots. If we make the effort in sealing the borders and keeping the scumbags OUT of the country, then we have a lot less to worry about. Wil we EVER see a threat level of green in our lifetimes. Think of the effect on the rent-a-cop business - the glut of barely training and marginally intelligent would drive prices down so far that we’d need a terrorist attack to bring about full employment at fair wages in that industry.
This has been going on since right after sept 11…they are morons. I was taking a pie out for a friend and they asked what I had in the bag. Evidently taking anything outside of your clothes/toiletries sets off an alarm.
99% of the TSA workers are way under qualified to be police officers, so why can they work TSA? They are generally miserable people who laud having that once of power to assert over people. It’s definitely a “trickle down” ideology. Put a complete moron who treats everyone like crap in office, and everyone under him will do the same.
I actually did laugh out loud. Pumpkin pie has the same consistency as gell explosives. Hysterical :).
All this scare mongering doesn’t help, won’t work, doesn’t make the country safer.
Any real threat is not going to come through the security blanket of the TSA, it’s going to come through the Mexican border, that has about as much security as Windows 95.
The real tragedy is that all these invasive tactics are used against the American people for threats that are too minute to measure.
If America was really that concerned about the well-being of its citizens, it would have comprehensive health care [not insurance, actual health -care-] for every American. Thousands of Americans die every day for lack of proper health care. Terrorism by comparison is a mere inconvenience [but it certainly does look spectacular].
If I never go the US again, as long as they work to combine Nazi camps with Soviet-type border control, it’ll be too soon. You don’t need my money, your economy is doing just fine as it is [minus a screaming economic disaster here and there].
What about the liver? Its consistency is very much like gel.
… and if you ask the Boston police, lite-brites, play-doh, or just anything with wires “has the same consistency” as a real ‘device’.
They’re MAGIC raspberries! LOLOLOL. I swear I’d have been tempted to say it.
I flew from BHM to DEN in 2004 and in the line at BHM, the TSA agent found a pair of these little, teeeeeny manicure scissors in my carryon. I’d forgotten they were in there. They were from a Lancome nail care kit I got free with a makeup purchase. The blades were like a quarter of an inch long, and it would have taken about three days of dedicated sawing to break the skin, let alone actually HURT someone. They wouldn’t cut sewing thread!
The TSA agent obviously had washed out of the police academy and decided to take this career route, mostly, I suspect, so he could wear a “yooneeforum” (e.g. Ernest T. Bass from Andy Griffith). Anyway, he barked at me about the scissors. I was like, “You’ve GOT to be kidding. Those?” Fortunately, my uncle was waiting on me to clear security and came and got them, chuckling all the way.
Know what I forgot was in my bag and they DIDN’T catch? A little can of pepper spray. My final destination was Reno. They didn’t catch it in RNO when I returned, either.
The technical term for all this nonsense, I believe, is “straining flies and swallowing camels.”
The story did make me laugh, though. Thanks for sharing it, Christopher! Merry Christmas!
I just traveled last weekend and flew right through security.
I was worried that during my return home I would be asked to empty out my laptop bag. In my rush to make my flight I threw all six electronic devices I had, along with all the cords, accessories, and headphones into the same pocket in a big tangled mess.
TSA didn’t blink an eye at my mess but I thought as I was getting on the plane that if anything looked like a bomb it would by my cord and device mess.
They didn’t stop me at all…
Makes me worried that you guys are getting stopped for scissors while a mess of cords and wires blazes right through.
Oh how I hate the TSA. You can express your extreme distaste for those asshats with power with the “F*ck the TSA” gear at Offensively Binary. You’ll chuckle to yourself the next time you’re in line knowing your shirt spells out how you really feel with a bunch of 1’s and 0’s,
http://www.cafepress.com/offbinary/2179376
Long live freedom!
You are giving all of us at al queda headquarters these fabulous ideas. Merry Christmas! Now you die. Hahaha. or shall i say lalala.
You are giving all of us at our super secret al queda base some fabulous ideas this yule time season. Thanks! Happy Christmas, you pals at al queda. ho ho ho or shall i say lalala. Halal meat pies for everyone!
Times haven’t changed much. I recall going through customs with some spectacular salami from Europe. The kind you can’t even dream of getting over in the States. A little befuddled by the customs notice, I inquired if the salami, wrapped in plastic, perfectly cured, was acceptable. No - they confiscated it. Fools. I’m sure they were all sitting around snacking on that wonderful salami.
And now, they can add some nice cakes and things
Oh pie lady, if I worked for TSA, I would have demanded to screen a slice of your pie with coffee. Then you’d have a whole new something to complain about. Chubby the screener, with his official TSA cutlery. I would vote for Putin if he’d promised to restore our TSA and borders. Also I want revenge. Bush should be sentenced to spend the rest of his life in an endless airport security line.
On the other hand, maybe these six years of airport hell will make people less like spoiled brats at the airport and appreciate airport authority when it finally gets restored to it’s orignal form.
There will always be a bad apple or two (no pun intended) in ANY organization. Sure, this pie business seems rediculous, but she did get the pie through, and really, how many people carry a PIE on an airplane? I travel quite a bit and it seems TSA has become somewhat more efficient and courteous. They have received complaints and bad press and now it seems they are trying to improve. Overall I really don’t have any major complaints with them and hopefully it stays that way.
Oh, thank god! I feel MUCH safer!
Hey, a C-4 pie in the face, however comical, is no laughing matter. (even when it is).
I’m flying somewhere in a few days. I for one find it interesting the deputized police officers cannot do random bag searches at the local baseball park. Non-government employees have to do it because of constitutional issues.
Yet, the TSA has no such constitutional qualms with every unreasonable search and seizure they do.
Airport security was good and legal until they became government employees.
Oh Lord, What next?
This is a good thing!
Your inaccurate generalizations are not.
You said:
“Have the terrorists begun baking combustible pies?”
–You’d never know the difference between a pumpkin pie and plastic explosives in the shape of a pumpkin pie, until it detonated.
“I think the agency is putting on a show for travelers who fly only once or twice a year”
Yeah, because the infrequent flyers have a majority influence when it comes to FAA/Homeland Security policy
“The message: the $4.7 billion of taxpayer money is being well spent to protect you. From exploding pies.”
…YES!!!! Among many OTHER viable threats. It’s not WHAT explodes, it’s THAT it explodes! Unless I missed the rule book for terrorism with explicit instructions that all exploding devices are round in front, fins on the rear and ACME on the side
Quit thinking in the box
oh c’mon, perhaps it’s just about free pie and this guy likes pumpkin.
happy holidays.
I fly from PDX all the time. they always freak out about the most innocent things going throuh security
Hank,
Any real threat is most likely NOT gonna come through the Mexican border, no matter how much you hear about it in the racist right-wing media (the Scary Brown People Theory).
I don’t know how familiar you are with Mexican ways, but if you’ve ever spent any length of time in Mexico (and I’m not talking about Cancun or any of the major resorts) you’ll know precisely what I mean.
What a lot of smart people don’t realize is that it would be practically impossible for would be terrorists to go through any major, or even minor, Mexican entry port unnoticed. The Mexicans are highly sensitive to foreigners in their own country for reasons of population homogeneity and a very unique language nuance, brought by centuries of Nahuatl linguistic influences that are not easily duplicated outside of Mexico, which make foreigners with even mildly exotic looks or accents instantly stand out from the crowds.
Also, there is the issue of military presence along transportation routes, due to the increase in narcotics-related violence in Mexico. If you’ve ever driven along any major Mexican highway I’m sure you’ll remember very peculiar details, such as Mexican Army and Marines (Ejercito y Armada) checkpoints. Try going through one of these unnoticed and unstopped.
In short, a terrorist attack coming from Mexico will happen only when Microsoft decides to revert back to Windows 95 after coming to the realization that Vista, well… sucks!
Obviously, in an ideal world we would not even need security. However, you must realize that this is not an ideal world - human nature is not perfect. There are people that want to kill and cause harm.
Now, if someone wanted to bring a bomb onboard a plane, how would they do that? Our security measures should be updated enough so that someone cannot just carry onboard a basic homemade bomb. This is why we have seen bombs in shoes, fluids in water bottles, gels in inconspicuous containers. IF We ONLY GUARD AGAINST THE OBVIOUS, THEN WE ARE IDIOTS. Although questioning a pie might seem ridiculous, if you wanted to smuggle a bomb into the airport you would have to be very creative.
I applaud the TSA for being creative in their security. Just think about it: if pumpkin pie does have the same consistency as an explosive substance and security did not check for it, then isn’t it logical that someone could bring an explosive substance disguised as a pie? This is why it is important to always try to think one step ahead, even if it does seem absurd, because if the person behind you was carrying a bomb in a pie crust and was caught, I don’t think you would be writing in the same tone.
It is disappointing that people like you like to complain. No, I don’t like getting to the airport early and having to wait through security checks either. However, if it makes my flight safer, they I don’t mind at all. I would rather wait and be annoyed than be blown up in midair. Wouldn’t you?
TSA is a federal attempt at solving a huge problem: how do you assure some zealot doesn’t hijack/crash an airplane. It is an incredibly complex and difficult problem to solve. There are a multitude of problems that arise. One principle is not to assume that terrorists are idiots. Things that look like household products can crash a plane. You cannot seal the borders completely. So, if you have constructive ideas on better ways to do things, write to TSA, your congressman, your senator, and the president. I’ve seen TSA staffers get yelled at for asking women to remove their coats. I have had terrific customer service from one TSA staffer. It runs the full spectrum from bad to excellent. At the end of the day, you may think they are lame, but it is a hard problem.
Obviously, in an ideal world we would not even need security. However, you must realize that this is not an ideal world - human nature is not perfect. There are people that want to kill and cause harm.
Now, if someone wanted to bring a bomb onboard a plane, how would they do that? Our security measures should be updated enough so that someone cannot just carry onboard a basic homemade bomb. This is why we have seen bombs in shoes, fluids in water bottles, gels in inconspicuous containers. IF We ONLY GUARD AGAINST THE OBVIOUS, THEN WE ARE IDIOTS. Although questioning a pie might seem ridiculous, if you wanted to smuggle a bomb into the airport you would have to be very creative.
I applaud the TSA for being creative in their security. Just think about it: if pumpkin pie does have the same consistency as an explosive substance and security did not check for it, then isn’t it logical that someone could bring an explosive substance disguised as a pie? This is why it is important to always try to think one step ahead, even if it does seem absurd, because if the person behind you was carrying a bomb in a pie crust and was caught, I don’t think you would be writing in the same tone.
It is disappointing that people like you like to complain. No, I don’t like getting to the airport early and having to wait through security checks either. However, if it makes my flight safer, they I don’t mind at all. I would rather wait and be annoyed than be blown up in midair. Wouldn’t you?
Apple pie. THEY’RE TAKING AWAY APPLE PIE.
NO PIE, NO PEACE
KNOW PIE, KNOW PEACE
Good Job TSA!
Everyone knows food has a 50/50% chance of being confiscated if its in your carry-on luggage.
is the Joker flying the unfriendly skys now, lol
Cause only a clown like him would think up an ACTUAL exploding cream pie!
Fuck
The
TSA.
The US Government is the best-funded most-effective terrorist organization ever implemented.
If it wasn’t for 9/11, those TSA clowns would still be working in Walmart…
So what will they turn away next? A chocolate bar with caramel filling because it can be used as an explosive gel? It’s getting a bit toooooooo strict, don’t ya think?
You people are amazing! I bet you all fly once a year too! I fly every week. EVERY week people! I HAVE NO ISSUES at the security checkpoint. Why? I DON’T BRING ANY DAMN FOOD OR DRINKS! I pack any thing that’s not 3-1-1 in checked bags or I DON’T BRING IT! You people with your pies and foolishness like that are the reason lines are so long and so slow. I speed right on through and with more than 98,000 mi flown this year over 72 segments NEVER have I been stopped or had an issue.
This is the way it is now people so get used to it. I can see all of you someday posting ‘OMG the terrorists got past TSA with explosive pies!’ if that ever happened. You would all be posting the same ‘wasted 4 billion on airport security defeated using a pie’.
I think the TSA stuff is a pain, I often think they go a bit overboard, but I feel safer flying as much as I do, and knowing the rules I simply follow them and move on.
Besides, anyone that would take an Apple pie on a plane, with baggage sliding around the overhead bin, or a leg moving under the seat, is nuts anyway.
So give me a break…go sell crazy someplace else where all full here…
Since airplane-based terror attacks are such an imminent threat, why not confiscate all the passengers’ clothes and belongings and issue them paper gowns to wear aboard their flights? After all, these will speed up the cavity searches and shorten the lines for all. I’m sure we’ll all feel safer knowing the passengers next to us aren’t going to murder us all at 30,000 feet.
Or, you could just not allow anyone aboard an airplane for any reason. If we have to check everyone to make extra-special sure they’re not going to hijack and crash the plane into an office building, allowing people to board airplanes is just asking for trouble.
looks like the tsa is leaving comments bryan and common sense same post nice. so i take it dave is with them as well. you have bathed in the koolaide a little too much. dont know if you “3″ know this or not but there has not been one confirmed liquid bomb found on a plane or in possession of anyone “planning” an attack. nor a gel bomb. the shoebomb was proven to never be able to work and if it did it wouldn’t have caused any damage. was a looser wanna be. but fauxnews said it was so so it must be. I always love the timing of those so called eminent threats notice now that theres a lame duck in the house they suddenly wained. well that and others started talking about it.
If someone wants to take down an AC they will take down an AC. The 9/11 was not about taking down AC, it was about terrorism and the terrorist message. It worked. Oddly enough, if everyone had just closed the damn doors as they had to learn to do in the 70’s when AC were being hijacked, we wouldn’t be reading this lament now. The TSA peole are doing what you, the public, want them to do. And you the public, are doing what terrorists want you to do. Fear leads to indecision. Political correctness leads to indecision. Lack of will leads to indecision. How can an indecisive nation blame the poor SOB who was told to look for everything, miss nothing, and don’t make a mistake or 5 levels of audit will pick up on it?
Relax, this is what you all wanted.
You got it.
I’m sure this pie lady’s family would be the first to sue the TSA if the plane had been taken down by some terrorist’s container of hummus. Why would you even try to bring a pie on a plane? What part of liquid/paste do you not understand? I’m sure the other frequent flyers enjoyed waiting for you….
These guys were actually doing a good job, you should be very happy with them for once…
@Jeffesters… you’re right. She’s probably just lucky she didn’t get shot or tased, showing up at the airport with a pie. Clearly a sign of a terrorist-minded person.
Well I can see how the top of a pie could be baked and put on top.
I’m not certain we should be allowed to take food on flights anyhow.
My first encounter with the TSA summed up what to expect from this organisation, it was in Hawai’i my first time on US soil and went like this:
me : ” so what does TSA stand for?”
TSA dude: “i’m not really sure, transport safety organisation i think?”
it was all downhill from there!
Let’s put things into perspective. Absolutely zero terrorist attacks have been thwarted by the TSA and their airport security goons. These crazy rules have done nothing but increase sales of small toiletries etc…
On the other hand, the world’s secretive intelligence services have stopped all terror attacks in recent years, except for the 9/11 attacks here and the 7/7 bombings in London.
This is why I just don’t fly anymore. Sorry folks, if it’s too far to drive, I don’t go
Death by Apple Pie. You guys scare, I’m about to start traveling a lot with my job and I’m afraid to face that kinda crap. Will my left-leaning books on politics or on atheism be an issue in such a paranoid country?
I really wish there were options when buying plane tickets. You know how they’ve got smoking/non-smoking sections in restaurants? Why not “terrorist-minimized” and “hassle free.”
It’d be great to let the market decide and see which wins out. Do Americans need a big scary government to look over them and keep them safe or can we deal with our own problems such as the 0.0001% chance that someone crazy will try to kill you… (Remember there are ~30,000,000 people on anti-depressants and apparently 5%-6% of those people can have uncontrollable bouts of psychosis at anytime. Take a look at all the school shootings if you want an example)
Robert J. Palmer, that is probably the best national security idea I have heard in the past 6 years.
I think it’s funny the amount of people posting on here slanting it to their own messed up view of how to handle the situation.
Lots of Ron Paul supporters on here, if you read carefully between the lines of some of the posts. “Close the Mexican border and it would make us 1,000x safer!” “It’d be great to let the market decide and see which wins out!”
No, closing the Mexican border would do nothing. The terrorists got into the country through standard, normal American procedures. They always have, and they will do so again. They were given VISAs to be working and studying in the US, by the US. They didn’t just hop in a truck and drive into Texas/Arizona nor did they get on a raft from Cuba.
Slanting the argument to your racist agenda is pathetic and precisely the reason there are people that wish to see the downfall of this nation in the first place!
In response to the person about the government, which has little to no relevance to this argument in the way that you have slanted it, is something worth FIGHTING for. A Representative Democracy is something I would prefer to have rather than any other type of government. Yes, there are problems with the way it’s currently implemented. Yes, there are people in our government that abuse it. But just remember, these people change. They have grown up from different areas. They have entirely different views of the world. Arnold is from Austria and he is the governor of CA, for example.
Our government helps to prevent things such as “ruling families”. Father/son has happened numerous times, but it’s definitely not over the span of hundreds of years of leadership by one ruler.
A Representative Democracy and the principle it serves is something worth fighting for. You can deal with the people that abuse it later.
Well, there are explosives that have a gel consistency. The reason that no terrorist has tried is BECAUSE they are taking these measures.
The U.S. government is not all bad. If you don’t like it, move to Canada.
Everyone bitches until the day someone DOES put explosive gel in a pie. Then everyone will bitch the TSA did not do enough to prevent it. It is a no win situation so shut and or don’t fly.
Don’t bring pies on planes….. flying is nice, it’s cheap and gets you there fast. Why do you need to bring a pie with you on a flight you fucking dumb bitch?
Yup, definitely move to Canada. It’s nice here. Nate and Blade don’t live here. We don’t have TSA Nazis at the airports, and we’re generally well-liked in the international community. If you get sick over Christmas, you can travel to any hospital or doctor that you’d like and get treated - without having to figure out how you’re going to pay for it all.
Our winters can be cold, but if you live somewhere like Vancouver then they’re not a big deal at all. We don’t have a George W. Bush in office … we do have one of his fanclub members, but he doesn’t have much power here in Canada. Our version of your DMCA has been turned down two times (and likely a third time in the New Year).
Nate, I’m sure you meant the move to Canada comment in an insulting fashion, but really, it’s a smart idea for anyone in the US who doesn’t like what their country is turning into.
You folks are missing the point. TSA isn’t about security, it’s about conditioning the populace to put up with any kind of orders from “authority”.
PDX is the worse for screening. You better be there 2 hours prior…the TSA are slow, and the machines are set way too high!!! Some change in your pocket will set the alarms off.
TSA also has a device called an ion scanner. It can be used to swab an item to check for explosives. They also have one that acts as a nose and sniffs the things that cannot be swabbed. Maybe we need to explain to the TSA agent how to use their own equipment. Then we can enjoy our pies in peace.
what kind of idiot brings a PIE on an airplane? They sell pies at pretty much every location, as well as ingredients and means of making pies. If thats not good enough you can freeze and fed-ex it. By bringing your stupid pie, YOU wasted taxpayer money by causing unnecessary delays and hassels. I personally have never seen someone dumb enough to bring a pie with them to an airport security lineup. Keep it simple, check your bags, and bring the very minimum with you and travel will be safer and more efficient for all of us.
Pie lady and all,
You’ll thank the screener once a pie actually explodes and kills people. Blame the stupid terrorists for all this necessary and enhanced security. Yes, I DO feel safer (no sarcasm really). Debate about it all you want but the fact is NOTHING BAD YET HAS HAPPENED probably because of screenings like these. Everyone says it’s a waste of money UNTIL SOMETHING ACTUALLY HAPPENS. Then people bitch and say why didn’t we start screening for pies (shoes, box cutters, etc.) before????
You should be thankful your pie got through intact. They could have REALLY checked it out and ruined it so stop complaining. Give the guys a break as they are doing their JOB. You wouldn’t expect anything less from an employee. REMEMBER, it just takes one little slipup or oversight for a pie bomb to get through. That one pumpkin pie COULD have been the plastic explosive.
Simple..
1) Fire the TSA (actually, 1st step is frogmarch Bush outta there)
2) Let people carry what they want
3) 1st time muslim extremists blow up a plane, we nuke Mecca.
4) Try it again.. nuke Medina.
.
.
.
TSA should be equipped with electronic handheld “sniffers” that can detect plastic explosives. that way they can quickly scan pies for example rather than give people the 3rd degree on the contents.
Let’s face it, the GOP doesn’t want better airport security, they are more than happy to make the TSA look bad so they can eliminate it and allow terrorists to roam freely. Its all about money, safety is a minor concern to them compared to profiteering.
The terrorists have won.
Umm….
re: “Debate about it all you want but the fact is NOTHING BAD YET HAS HAPPENED probably because of screenings like these.”
Nothing bad has happened because nothing else needs to happen. They won. You’re afraid.
There are a million easier ways to cause terror than blowing up airplanes. What about blowing up the security check points? That would cause just about as much chaos as blowing up a plane. Why hasn’t that happened?
Simple. They won because you’re afraid. You’ve been successfully terrorized.
Which is especially sad because, ultimately, you did it to yourself. Good job.
Well, hey, maybe the TSA guys have a healthy appetite and since there is no tip jar for them…
Do what you have to in order to be fed, right?
I would hate to fly with explosive intestinal or bowel distress.
I gotta love Jasper’s solution. Mutual Assured Destruction worked during the Cold War - and now - we can STILL have MAD. we’ll just call it Muslim Assured Destruction.
I have always wondered why we just do not put the Islamic world on notice. . . .
We are removing all but the most basic security from airports - we’ll still do metal detectors for guns etc., but, if an Islamic Extremist hijacks, bombs or attempts mass murder in the US or against Americans anywhere in the world - here is a list of potential targets, say, 100 of them. Cities, holy sites, oil refineries [the neutron bomb would work wonders over an oil refinery] a bunch of nice targets. You attack us - here is the response. The first time, 2 cities on the list go. The second time, its’ 10. The third time, its all of them that are left. All the cities and holy sites set for ground bursts - big dirty radioactive craters where no one can live for a thousand years.
I like to think that the Hittite nations of the middle east and Asia would quickly rein in the crazies like they did for the entire time of the Cold War. We just need to go a little Roman. No one would dare challenge us at that point. We’d only have to do the first two. . . . then we’d be safe forever. We could go to green. I think that Islamabad and perhaps somewhere in Saudi Arabia should be the first two - then send a few Tomahawks with nukes into the caves in Tora Bora just on general principle.
Russ mentioned the ion scanner- it could be used however, each item takes longer to test, than a whole bag can be checked on the x-ray. Does it really make sense to allow liquids through, perhaps we could have a line for conformists
Just wear the “TSA Rocks” t-shirt!!!
I showed up at a checkpoint with a cellphone, my wallet, cash and my clothes. No bags. I got asked where my bags were. I had NOTHING. Zippo. I was traveling 400 miles to an airline airport to pick up my airplane and flight it home. I got SSSS’d because I did not have any bags. It was a short search. Then I got the 3rd degree about it - how come you have no luggage?
I told them, I’m going to pick up my airplane.
Your what?
My airplane.
Huh?
I am a pilot.
How come you are not in the crew lane and where is your uniform?
Never mind, I checked it all.
Oh, ok - have a nice flight.
True story. My tax dollars at work.
They that would give up essential liberty for a little safety deserve neither.
Heil Bush–the Traitor-in-Chief!
they are forced to consistently come up with a reason why their job is so vital, or else, they risk losing the power and paychecks they’ve become accustomed to. Its like that in every workplace, you have to consistently substantiate why you are employed. or else the fat will be trimmed.
stopping you for a pie isn’t about you, it’s about them.
My theory about why US employment figures look so rosy is that the only three areas of job growth are baristas, WalMart greets and TSA screeners. In answer to “Oh Lord, What next?,” I think someday we’ll all have to go thru security screening naked — and of course, not carrying an edibles that “might” have the consistancy of explosives.
Food items do present some difficulties in screening. Common food items leave chemical markers that are similar to the ones left by some explosives. If pumpkin pie looks the same on the x-ray machine as c-4 and the explosive residue swab test can’t tell the difference, what should the TSA do?
you prob would have said exploding shoes was ridiculous and stupid until it happened. I don’t blame the tsa, its just a sad world we live in when we have to take precautions because theres so many people that want to blow themselves up and everyone else with them
With the lack of any decent food on most flights, bringing your own food is neceesary, The TSA nimrods should have a portable explosives detector. And no pumpkin pie wiill enit fimes that an explosive will. WAKE UP AMERICA!! the emperor (Bush) has NO CLOTHES all this TSA crap is to distract us from what is happening: the collapse of the dollar, corporate thieves, dishonest politicians, corrupt bureaicrats( New Orleans and FEMA) who cannot manage to aid people in distress, but manage to throw billions at speceal friends; and. the throwing away the lives of thousands of soldiers, sailors and marines. and maybe .5 billion dollarsl But we have colored threat levels, how wonderful !!
It is funny because PDX was selected the best customer service oriented airport.
http://www.screenersconfessions.com
I hate to be mean but, who brings a pie on a plane?!
You can’t bake it at your destination?
Reminds me of the VERY LARGE Kitchenaid oven service technician (AKA repairman) who told me he needed me to bake a cake for him so that he could diagnose the problem.
Several points.
First, of course it is possible for a “gel” explosive to be put in a pumpkin pie shell, after the shell is baked (suck out the filler and replace it, a standard joke in college dorms).
Second, the ban on gels makes about as much sense as putting a screen door on a spacecraft, so point one really doesn’t matter. If someone wants to get a bomb aboard an airliner, there are dozens of ways to do it (as every test of TSA burger-flippers has shown). Any bomb that a passenger could sneak aboard is too small to have a major effect except in a movie script.
Third, there are enough ways to made expedient weapons from items found aboard an airliner that most security measures are pointless. Such things as seatbelt extenders (remember the Flying Imams?), coffee pots, etc, can be used either to attack or defend. Nothing that the TSA says or does will remove those potential weapons from a flight, so your 4-ounce bottle of shampoo really isn’t a threat.
Jasper is my man!
I had been thinking about solving quite a few world problems with big hot bombs. Not only Mecca and Medina, but also Jerusalem, Bethlehem, Zimbabwe……. Here I thought I was the only one in the country with the brains to figure it out. Too bad the guys in power stay that way by keeping so many folks all stirred up and fighting each other. Good for the oil, munitions, aircraft, tank, and contractor businesses…..bad for civilization…
Next thing you know, they’ll be giving everyone enemas before boarding. Can’t have any soft substances on board!
NATE-SMACKER:
Yes you do have the airport gestapo in Canada, at vancouver. I mentioned that to the SS man and boy did I get worked over, every little thing in my carry on was searched as was I.
I have a crayon box I keep my drugs in, inside my carry on, he could not get it open. He was not to happy when I informed him it was a kindergardners crayon box and guess the kids are smarted than he is as they can open it.
What the TSA does is not against the Constitution! The searches are not illegal because you can choose to travel by car, train, or boat instead of flying. You give consent to be searched when you give your checked baggage to the air carrier, when you place your carry-on on the x-ray belt, and when you walk through the metal detector. It’s called “implied consent” and you know what you are subjecting yourself to when you start the screening process.
Would you rather have security not be as strict and sacrifice your safety?!? There is a limit on what you can bring for liquids/gels/and aerosols for a reason! Pies are mostly gelatinous… ahem… that’s a GEL. Its the rule, GET OVER IT!
In regard to the small scissors, that rule has changed. You can bring small manicure scissors because they realize that those are not a threat.
One point seems to have been missed here.
Does nobody find it odd that, having confiscated a pie from a passenger in case it is a bomb, they still let that “disarmed” passenger onto the plane.
If a passenger is so skilled and full of evil intention that she planned to use a pie as a deadly weapon, you’d think they would throw her in jail.
If she had walked up with an Uzi and had it confiscated, they wouldn’t let her continue her journey - especially when on the plane she might find “proper” weapons like cutlery or the ultimate WMD … airline food!
you know, there are a few steps to solving this dilemma:
1 throw the bush admin. out,
2 de-classify/ invent stuff that can find weapons in seconds,
3 install them
4 automate them, then we can walk trough the frigging line withh out may TSA agents
5 BUILD BETTER & MORE EFFICIENT AIRPORTS- don’t spend money on the war-spend it on that!
I have carried my mini Swiss Army Knife on my key ring for 20 consecutive flights and it has never been caught by the TSA screeners.
True, the semi-sharp blade is only about 2″ long, but the knife is still a no-no.
I am in the UK attending to my mother who has just has an operation.
To get here, I flew out of Portland OR. Before going, I had an unexpected and unwelcome bout of flue. The doctor oblidged with some miracle piles contained in small foil containers. She also advised Night Quill for the coughing I had… I had put my medicine, night quill container of advil as well as my blood pressure pills in my laptop computer bag…. picture set…
At security, I took out my laptop, put it in the tray and put my shoes on top of the laptop…. a booming voice shouted ‘Get them sneakers off the lap top and put them through separately’. With that, I completely forgot to remove all the medicines…. guess what!
It all went through and not so much as a peep!
Security must all be in the mind - that is, they think if they tell us enough number of times that we are safe with the checks, we will really believe we are safe!
What more can I say.
Happy travelling!
All of you people crying for the removal of the Bush Administration over the simple topic of the TSA need to pull your heads out of somewhere. The comment to “de-classify/invent stuff that can find weapons in seconds” makes me chuckle, too. Its just that easy, kids! Just invent it!
Being military, I can completely understand and appreciate the TSA’s current position. On a daily basis, they need to be checking thousands of bags in a given day for POTENTIAL explosives/weapons. Previous comments have said the same - think outside the box, people. What do you think a terrorist is going to do, show up with a cardboard box, wires sticking out with a loud, obnoxious ticking noise and try to pass that through security? No, they are going to attempt to hide it in the best way possible.
Welcome to 2008. Its now 6.5 years since 9/11, and its a new world. Terrorist activity is on the rise, and they are becoming smarter in their ways. The TSA has to constantly adapt and change their own ways, also, in an attempt to counter that threat as best as possible. Its like a car alarm people. Its not GUARANTEED to work, but it damn sure is a deterrent.
Maybe being military gives me a completely different viewpoint of the world, and the concept and definition of “security”. People who grow up all spoiled having everything handed to them on a silver plater and scoff at the mere thought of taking their shoes off or god forbid, having to stick their hands out to the side to be “wanded” need a reality check. They’re also, generally, the people who are most misinformed about the job that the TSA has to perform on a daily basis, and probably shouldn’t be commenting here at all. Its sad that people who aren’t smart enough to simply leave their food at home, have to take out their frustrations on people trying to keep them safe.
What about a baby diaper? How many pounds of explosives could you cram into a #4 baby diaper. Idiots! “Take off your baby’s shoes!!!!”
It’s usually whiners like you (most of you) that I have the misfortune of sitting next to on a plane. The system isn’t perfect, no system is. I would rather be inconvienced a bit (not that I feel I’m owed anything unlike you special people) than to be killed. You’re the same people I’m behind at the supermarket, being held up beacuse you’re cussing out the 16 year old girl because the register rang up your 4 oz. tube of toothpaste for and extra 10 cents. Get over yourselves, or don’t fly, better yet don’t drive either, because I’m sure you’re the ones riding my a## flashing your headlights behind me when I’m alreading speeding by 5 mph. If you’re so damn important, buy your own plane, that way you won’t have to wait for me to take my laptop out of my bag at security. Nothing in life is free folks, including peace, liberty, and also….yes a defense against those who want to kill us. There are many things that us law-abiding Americans do at the requirement of our government, like paying taxes, registerring our cars, paying tolls, and yes going through airport security. GROW UP. Most of you disgust me!
A “job well done” to Rob P. for his cogent remarks.
Unlike Rob, I am not now nor ever have been on active duty with the military.
However, I was in ROTC, worked as a police officer about a year, and worked as a security officer for about nine years, so maybe, like Rob wrote his might be, my view is slanted. especially given my Father raised me in a quasi-military fashion. (You know — when I was in trouble, he’d holler out, “Mister, REPORT!” and I’d rush to him, then stand at attention while judgment was made.)
I think the ad hominem attacks on the lady are out of order. Her taking a pie on a flight, well-intentioned as it apparently was — and I’m willing to accept her version — was not the smartest thing to do, but, then, people who fly infrequently can’t reasonably be expected to anticipate every single thing that might cause them a problem, especially if they’re thinking in terms of doing nice things rather than in terms of “What might get my butt hassled by airport security?” Let’s take it a little easy on these people.
I also get tired of reading comments in which people drag extraneous subjects. I don’t like the President. But that’s an entirely separate issue from how a TSA officer performs his job.
An American abroad like me doesn’t have much interaction with the TSA; I’ve been to the U.S. just once since 9/11 — and my experiences at Los Angeles International and D/FW International airports with everyone, not just the TSA, perfectly okay. I left Bangkok rather apprehensive because the reports I got from others were of two flavors: some said they went through hell, while others said it was a breeze. There were no neutral reports I heard, only either/or.
When I hit LAX, I approached an immigration officer, who was busy on her computer and didn’t notice me. I put my passport on the counter then stepped back 4-5 feet, since there wasn’t anyone else waiting to check through. Shortly, she glanced up but didn’t see my passport. She greeted me pleasantly, and asked what she could do for me.
I pointed out my passport, adding I hadn’t been to America since pre-9/11, and was unsure of just what to do and what not to do, other than obvious stuff (like not raising hell, I meant). She smiled, checked my passport, then sent me on my way — adding to her farewell, “Keep *that* attitude and you aren’t going to have any problems!”
And you know what? I didn’t. Not with the private security officer in the pre-screening before customs, not at customs, not anywhere. In each case if the person’s job involved delaying me a bit, I just told him or her to let me know if I needed to do (or not do) something I didn’t realize — and in every single case they explicitly thanked me for being so understanding and cooperative.
The TSA officer may well be under-trained; I rather imagine they are. Police officers damned sure are, in the great majority of cases — and that’s no fault of their own. If we want any enforcement officer better trained, then we have to be willing to pay for it. And, yes, though I live abroad, I own property in the U.S. and derive my sole income from renting it out, so I *do* pay taxes. A bunch. Like about 40% of my gross income goes to taxes in all their various local, state, and federal forms. Better training for law enforcement officers, including those in the TSA, is on thing I would be willing to pay a bit more taxes for (along with better pay for our firemen, paramedics, doctors, nurses, and other medical personnel, etc.).
Several contributors here have made the observation we’ve not suffered a terrorist attack on home soil since 9/11. True.
It does NOT follow that the TSA is a waste of money. In my brief “career” as a police officer in a small rural community, I did not handle a single felony case, period. Yet the town’s citizens paid my salary in the belief that as the town was growing and strangers moving in, it was precisely a police presence that kept them from picking up the morning paper and reading a robbery, murder, or some such had taken place in their hometown.
Think about it. Many police and security officers work entire careers without ever firing their weapons on duty. And most end up assigned on relatively few serious calls, such as homicides. We often focus on crime rates, and in some places, yes, they’re bad. But just fold up our police departments, sheriffs’ offices, state police, etc. etc. etc. and *then* see what happens to crime rates.
How can an officer *possibly* prove he can take credit for a negative? — That’s the case if a TSA officer’s actions serve to deter the bad guys in the first place. He’ll never know, and we’ll never know.
Also, give them credit for being in the front lines. I can damn well assure you were I to want to commit a terrorist attack in an airport, the TSA (and any other security folks, especially armed ones) in my “area of operations” would be my primary targets in my initial assault. And even were my intentions not for the airport but for the airliner, I’d be keeping a very wary eye on them, not Granny in line ahead of me.
So, Rob — you got it right. And thank YOU for serving.
The whole point of terrorism is to terrorize a population.
I submit that a country that has set up a separate agency that frisks old ladies and inspects their pies has achieved that goal for the terrorists.
I’m not against screening per-se, but there are a few things that are apparent:
1) The TSA continues to overreact to miniscule threats. The liquids ban is a good example - some terrorists had an *idea* that they would blow up a plane with liquids, but no credible plan. And frankly, liquids are too much hassle if you’re interested in explosives. You can do some bad things with liquids, but you can do them with 3oz of liquids as well.
So, basically, the liquid regulation only inconveniences everybody with no increase in security.
2) This focus on passenger screening is silly. Airports are very soft targets by their very nature - they’re very big and have a lot of employees working at them, and lots of trucks going in and out. Inventive terrorists would have no problem getting through airport security - they just wouldn’t do it through the screening line.
3) TSA has no meaningful quality control program whatsoever. There are countless incidents of TSA agents going outside the regulations. Just last weekend an agent opened a sterile medical device, because they “had to”.
4) The TSA does an inadequate job of screening applicants and training them. They treat passengers like cattle. There are clearly some employees who are there for the power trip.
If you haven’t read TSA’s blog - and I’ll give them credit for having a blog - go and take a read.
I want to ask one question for all the people that think its logical to investigate the pies because they have a similar density to some types of plastic explosives. How do you plan on making plastic explosive look like pumpkin or custard?
reminds me of any other govt. agency - run completely inefficiently. i try not to fly at all. i take rideshares (from craigslist where you can find people to drive from one coast or to another state and split the cost) or the bus. and aircraft travel is not “cheap” as one guy posted above.
rail is another nicer option.
For all you people complaining about not being allowed to bring a pie on board, just suck it up and buy your pie when you land.
Just be grateful you don’t fly out of Pakistan (where my family is from). Everyone is hand searched whether or not the alarm goes off, and every bag is physically searched. The security police officers there confiscate items much smaller than a pie, like chewing gum, and batteries to name a few.
While I am no fan of the TSA, for their rude behavior, and disagree with the liquid ban. I just do what I have to before I arrive at the checkpoint and follow all the rules so I can get on my flight quickly .
I had a similar experience, although not with a pie. It was a container of cheese spread.
I am from Wisconsin and was visiting family; my mom knows I can’t get the ‘good stuff’ where I live, so she bought a container of cheese spread for me and gave it to me as I was leaving the house. I’ve traveled with this stuff - with no trouble - for years. Had i suspected there would have been a problem, I would have put it in my checked luggage. The airport had NO notification ANYWHERE that cheese of any sort was a security threat. Yet, they confiscated my cheese - an unopened, factory sealed, still cold from the fridge container of cheese. I complained as loud as i could - being that i had no voice from a cold and was standing in the airport barefoot at 5am.
The ‘understanding’ agent told me I should mail it to myself (yes, there’s a post office in the airport that is open at 5am on a Sunday, right?), or perhaps I could leave it in my car (which was in New Orleans), or perhaps I should put it in my checked baggage (I’m certain the ticket counter would have been thrilled and most cooperative to go find my luggage so I could check my cheese). I don’t like being mocked. I will gladly follow the rules if I know what they are. I was FURIOUS - especially since, due to delays, it took us nearly 14 hours to get home (usually a 3 hour flight) and we could have very easily consumed the terrorist cheese while we waiting in airports as we were unapologetically shuffled across the country.
I realize they have a job to do and it can be very difficult. However, sometimes a little common sense has to come into play. When you are an airport located in a place where people are known to purchase and fly with the local delicacies, POST IT ON A VISIBLE, OBNOXIOUS SIGN so scenes like these can be avoided.
Holidays are coming up again, if you don’t want people to fly with cakes, cookies, pies and anything else that they can eat - tell them to take the train because it’s a more pleasant experience. Oh, and since the airlines probably won’t advocate that, perhaps they could warn people. In advance. Starting now.