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The French disconnection

April 4, 2006

It’s the end of the world. Or at least it’s the end of Western civilization.

Air France announced today that it will take delivery early next year of the first Airbus aircraft line fitted with the OnAir GSM equipment, which will allow passengers to use mobile phones on board.

(Boeing is testing a similar system and two other European airlines, TAP and bmi, have also dabbled in on-board cell service.)

The airline will conduct a six-month commercial trial using the new service on short-haul flights within Europe and to and from North African destinations. The evaluation will “help Air France to consider every impact this new service may have on the cabin environment and the travel experience,” according to a news release.

No need for that. I can tell you what the effect is going to be: chaos.

Hey, maybe I’ve got a bee in my bonnet about manners and travel, but unless this kind of thing is tightly regulated, it could spin out of control.

Already, many buses and trains have “no talking” areas for passengers who just want a little peace and quiet.

My suggestion: set up a designated “cell phone” section for chatty travelers. Do it before the test starts, my French friends, because once this genie is out of the bottle, you won’t be able to put it back inside.

Christopher Elliott is the author of Scammed: How to Save Your Money and Find Better Service in a World of Schemes, Swindles, and Shady Deals. Critics have called it “eye-opening” and “inspiring” — it’ll “grab your attention and won’t let go.” Order your copy now on Amazon, Barnes & Noble or iTunes.

3 comments

  • Cathy Baar

    I have always thought that this “French Boycott” nonsense was just that — nonsense. But the only way I will fly Air France with cell phones now being allowed in the cabin is if Heck freezes over and there are no other flights to my destination. I would never book Air France deliberately, and if rerouted to their aircraft due to cancellations or overbookings on the part of other carriers would state I want to wait as long as it takes (at my own expense) to get alternate accommodations. I have been stuck in an Amtrak “business class” car for two-hour rides within feet of a cell-phone-wielding, screaming “businessman” — with no other available seat on the train. Asking the crew to have him keep his voice down did not help; they could not do anything. Putting a handwritten sign in front of him asking him to respect other passengers only earned me a third-finger salute. Several years ago, I was in Business Class on a transatlantic flight from New York to Zurich behind a toddler who sang “Old McDonald” at the top of his lungs for nearly the whole trip. I figure being stuck on a plane with cell phone users would be about as enjoyable. I can’t imagine how horrible such an experience would be. Incidentally, I do NOT have a cell phone.

  • Carrie (Carolyn) Charney

    Unless the “cell phone” section is closed off with soundproof material, the cacophony will not remain contained. (Did smoke stay in the “no smoking” section years back?)

    I will try my best not to take a flight where cell phones are allowed. Unfortunately, monkey see, monkey do, and other airlines will follow. Unless peace-loving travelers make a noisier protest, cell phones will take over the world.

  • Sharon Miller

    …just another level deeper into air travel hell, I would say. Did you ever notice that people talking on cell phones tend to speak very loudly, almost to the point of shouting at times? I don’t understand people who have so little regard for their own privacy that they shout their “dirty laundry,” in some cases, to everyone around them – low self esteem, perhaps? (“Look at me! Hear me! I am important!”??)

    Airplanes could become the airborne version of the middle school cafeteria – except louder! Yikes!

    The only shred of a “silver lining” that I anticipate from airborne cell phone use is that on very long flights many cell phone batteries will die at some point. My battery would die after several hours, which is neither here nor there in my case, because I won’t be using my cell phone aloft, for I value my own privacy.

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