OK, when did they start handing out these frequent flier cards?

By | September 14th, 2009

You wanna see my frequent flier card? I’ve got your frequent flier card right here.

But this is no ordinary card.

This one comes to us courtesy of the folks at Burton, whose Sleeper Hoodie I’m evaluating for an upcoming gift guide.

The disclaimer on backside is revealing …

This card entitles holder with the right to do whatever it takes to make their next flight more enjoyable.

Feel free to slap the beached walrus in the seat next to you when their blubber encroaches on your personal space.

Carry your board bag on the overhead bins.

Release gas at will.

Fall asleep in the aisle.

Call the snow report for Mars from the in-flight phone. Perform in the bathroom. Remain reclined throughout the take-off and landing procedures.

Demand a flight attendant spoon feed and massage you.

Tell that screaming baby to put a sock in it.

Basically, with this card you have carte blanche to be a complete d-bag in the name of personal comfort.

Alright, then.

Oh, and in case you’re wondering who to blame …

Card issued by Burton Airlines, for questions or comment, call someone who cares.

These bogus frequent flier cards (“Untied Airlines” and references to Catch Me If You Can inspiration Frank Abagnale notwithstanding) reflect a broader truth among airline passengers.

We’re so disgusted with the air travel experience that we want to enclose ourselves in one of Burton’s hooded sweatshirts and flash one of these cards when the going gets tough.

It shouldn’t be this way.

We want your feedback. Your opinion is important to us. Here's how you can share your thoughts:
  • Send us a letter to the editor. We'll publish your most thoughtful missives in our daily newsletter or in an upcoming post.
  • Leave a message on one of our social networks. We have an active Facebook page, a LinkedIn presence and a Twitter account. Every story on this site is posted on those channels. The conversation ranges from completely unmoderated (Twitter) to moderated (Facebook and LinkedIn).
  • Post a question to our help forums or ask our advocates for a hand through our assistance intake form. Please note that our help forum is not a place for debate. It's there primarily to assist readers with a consumer problem.
  • If you have a news tip or want to report an error or omission, you can email the site publisher directly. You may also contact the post's author directly. Contact information is in the author tagline.