This is Ken Darling with his mother, who has late-stage Alzheimer’s. He won’t be able to use the United Airlines tickets he bought last year because he had to move her from a resident care facility into a hospital.
Darling wanted to apply his non-refundable credit of $1,121 to another flight, but given his current situation, that’s also impossible. United is willing to refund the fare — if he can show a death certificate.
Basically, my mom needs to die before February 7th in order for me to get the only thing they offer, a refund. There is no consideration anymore to illness — terminal or otherwise — for the customer or family. I don’t want a refund, just more time to deal with my mom’s future passing and to use my credit for what will now be a mourning respite.
Darling called United repeatedly last week, asking a customer service representative and then a supervisor to consider bending its rules. The answer was a firm “no” in broken English.
Let’s hit the rewind button for a second. Mom has Alzheimer’s, and you book an airline ticket, knowing you might have to make a change. What are your options? Not insurance, because a pre-existing condition like Altzheimer’s probably won’t be covered. A fully refundable fare? Come on. Those are outrageously expensive, and priced with business travelers in mind.
So really, Darling had no choices.
At the same time, the terms of United’s tickets were clear. Non-refundable means exactly that: no refunds. Unless the airline decides to make an exception. But that’s entirely up to the company.
I recommended that Darling send a brief, polite letter to United instead of calling. He did. And for good measure, he copied my colleague Peter Greenberg and me.
I normally recommend sticking to the facts and being as unemotional as possible, but Darling’s brilliantly-written letter is the exception.
I just want to use my tickets for what now will be a mourning respite after my mom passes in the next six to twelve months. It’s difficult for me to believe after all my 24/7 care for her that not only will I lose her, but also $1,121 because I cannot leave her. It makes the long goodbye even more saddening.
Less than four hours later, United replied:
Dear Mr. Darling:
I apologize for the inconvenience that we caused you in processing the refund for [your] ticket.
Per our discussion, please provide me a Dr. Note and upon receipt, I will process the refund.
Please contact me if you have any question.
Have a nice weekend.
I think that’s the right call.
Darling could have saved himself a few frustrating hours on the phone by putting his request in writing and copying the right people on his email. Thanks to United’s compassion, he has one less thing to worry about as he cares for his dying mother.
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{ 27 comments… read them below or add one }
I don’t think it’s thanks to United’s compassion. I think it’s due to the cc to PG and you.
You would not believe the false/fraudulent stories given to travel companies in order to “Work Around” the Non Refundable aspect of their purchase. Customers, or at least some customers have created the hard line in these case because of the growing number who choose to abuse the system. Several major airlines don’t even offer bereavement fares as a result.
What part of “Non-Refundable” do people not get?
I’m not going to even touch on the off shore call center which appears to be the real culprit in this man’s situation.
I’m with the bad example.
When my mother was ill in the last 5 months of her life, I NEVER bought a non-refundable ticket. She was not going to die but I had several situations where due to seizures and re-hospitalizations and other events I needed to reschedule both family vacations and business trips. So, for those few months, I was paying much higher airfares and being RESPONSIBLE for myself. I was glad I had refundable fares, since there were 2 or 3 occasions where I needed to be flexible -and change my trips or flights. I probably saved money overall.
Mr. Darlings problem is regrettable, and I feel badly for him, but his choice is to care for his mother or take his trip, its not up to the airlines to accommodate his changes. I have been in his situation and understand the emotional tugs of war that happen every day.
However, So many people now have this entitlement mentality wherein they think that the entire world awaits their little needs. The same type of personality is the one who leaves their shopping cart in the middle of the aisle at the grocery store while looking at things, or yakking on the phone while you are waiting for them to finish a transaction at an ATM, or a million little times that people are completely clueless as to inconveniencing someone else.
Mr. Darling, YOU made the decision to buy a non-refundable ticket. LIVE with the consequences of YOUR decision.
Asking for the death certificate was just cold. Since it turned out well in the end I’d like to give the benefit of the doubt and think that the airline may have just misunderstood the situation at first.
Some of the airline may use the abuse of bereavment fares/family emergencies as an excuse to take a hard line with non-refundable tickets, but Mr. Bad Example has a point. Its a damn shame that the people who try to “work the system” have given the airlines an excuse to be callous to those in legitimate need.
Shame on you Mr. Farrell. Yes, we all know what “non-refundable” means and we understand why there are rules. But there are always situations that don’t fall neatly into this. You have talked extensively enough on this website for us all to know you have enough money to afford the non-refundable fares. We all can’t do that. United Airlines–and all companies–are made up of human beings. As such, we all need to show some compassion and bend rules at times. Otherwise what is the point of this life. Follow the rules and behave like computers? This man wasn’t even asking for a refund, just the flexibility to use the tickets at a later date, due to the unfortunate circumstance that his mother is now in late stages of life. We are not living our lives in vacuums and its about time that all people realize that.
Once again, Joe farrell is right, and wrong all at one time. While they may be “non refundable tickets we all kno that airlines, on a whim can alter their policies to suit themselves or any wish they have.
While I hate change fees that sometimes exceed the cost of the original ticket, why can an airline not just charge a 10-20% fee when a refund is requested at least 2 weeks in advance of the travel date? Someone obviously wanted to fly bad enough to pay the higher fee and if the airline already has the 20% in their pockets they should be easily able to get someone to pay 10% less for the same seat. After all, how many stories to we hear of being bumped? I fly to vegas and on every single flight there are always people getting bumped. A non refundable ticket just doesn’t make any sense unless you are less than 2 weeks from departure.
I have to agree with most of the others so far. If your family members are ill, why in the world would you be booking tickets? I’m usually avoiding trips like the plague ‘just in case’.
Mr. Darling’s grandma had the illness before the tickets were booked, so it’s not like this suddenly happened and he needs the whole world flipped upside down to accomodate her.
People do abuse the system. And I agree with Joe that too many people expect that they can do whatever they want, and as long as they b*tch loud enough, companies will bend to their will. We have to remember that they are in business to make money, too. Handing out refunds is not helping them. There are rules in place for a reason.
When I change my flight schedules, I expect heavy fees, regardless of the refund status of the ticket. It’s part of life and business. I may not like it, but I do what I have to do and move on.
United did the right thing. Were they obligated to refund his money. No. However, there is what is legal and what is right. The airlines have set up this sytem where leisure travelers purchase deeply discounted tickets with draconian restrictions which appear to change hourly and business travelers (or their company) who purchase substantially higher tickets with few if any restrictions.
This differential can be huge. Curiously, airlines rarely offer a middle product, i.e. a refundable ticket geared towards the leisure traveler. If such tickets were readily available and reasonably priced. I’d probably feel less sympathy for people like Mr. Darling. Statements like “You should have bought a refundable ticket” would be reasonable under the circumstances. However, given the huge differential, I see this as an issue that the airlines created with unfair and draconian pricing policies.
I’m with a lot of the commenters. I don’t think this warrants a refund or extension of time to use the credit. Mr. Darling knew of this health issue at the time he booked the ticket, and also knew of airline policies to only allow you to apply credit from a cancelled flight to future flights within a 1 year period. He took a gamble when he booked his ticket. Very sadly, it didn’t work out.
I have nothing but sympathy for him, but things like this happen all the time to everyone. It’s life. And if you know of contingencies like this, it is your responsibility to take the necessary precautions. He should have booked a refundable ticket. I know these kind of tickets are often heinously overpriced (and I would applaud the introduction of a middle ground ticket with some flexibility and a moderately increased price as Carver suggests), but this is the way it has been for some time. The rules didn’t change on Mr. Darling.
For example, I’m currently expecting a baby and need to fly to attend my sister’s wedding in February. I knew at the time I booked the ticket that I was expecting, and that I would be 34 weeks pregnant at the time of the flight. Accordingly, I booked a fully-refundable ticket, knowing that there is always a chance that the baby comes early and I can’t take the flight. It cost me an extra $600 per ticket (for me and my husband), but we swallowed it because this is ultimately our responsibility.
Well hi everybody! Just a moment while I put my refund money back in my wallet. Ahhhh, okay let’s see who picked on me and Chris. MrBE, Joe, Monica, Leslie.
Laughable Joe. Hi Joe! Take a chill bill buddy. You YELL so much I can’t help but sympathize with your children, quite dictatorial. Tit for tat.
Alzheimer’s life span is between 3 and 20 years. So don’t take a trip? Even if a resident care facility is seeing to her needs? Okay, but only if everyone out there who have aging parents never leave town either. And I must say a woman 34 weeks pregnant shouldn’t risk everyone’s right to an uneventful flight.
I’ve been taking care of my mom (not grandma) for 9 years, 24/7. I think I can take a reasonable risk to get some rest. No one can anticipate that the ‘care’ facility is going to put her in the hospital from dehydration. I brought her home and she’s doing well.
DEATH/ILLNESS PROVISION — TICKET MAY BE REFUNDED OR USED TOWARD THE PURCHASE OF ANOTHER TICKET IF DUE TO ILLNESS OF PASSENGER OR TRAVELING COMPANION OR DEATH OF PSGR/IMMEDIATE FAMILY MEMBER/ TRAVELING COMPANION. A VALID DEATH OR HOSPITAL/MEDICAL CERTIFICATE IS REQUIRED.
Let’s look at the airline looking at the customer. Why do they have non-refundable tickets? The sale is locked in and so are the penalties. Their formula shows them the revenue source in unused tickets. They’re not so much protecting themselves as making the easy buck. If they’re making it a game then I’ll play until somebody folds.
I see your talk about the rules, the policies and how the customer abuses them. I just asked the question and kept asking. I lucked out finding Chris and his paths to the inner circle. It worked for the right reasons.
And I didn’t even have to use my Ann Curry connection. GO DUCKS!
To mitigate the non-refundable issues, fly Southwest. Two of the fare types are fully refundable, and all of the fare types are “reusable” within a year if you decide to cancel your trip.
Ken – definitely not trying to pick on you. I think written communications like email and blog comments often come off as snarky because you can’t hear the writer’s tone of voice. Oral communication is so much more superior. I apologize if I made you feel bad during this time of loss for you. I’m glad you were able to get the airline to make an exception. That said, I think faulting the airline here and expecting an accomodation was too much. Airlines do a lot of terrible things to their customers. This just didn’t set off my usual alarm bells as a flagrant abuse. Stupid customer service – sure.
(As an aside, also wanted to respond to your comment that pregnant women shouldn’t fly at 34 weeks. Most airlines have a cutoff at 36 or 37 weeks – I researched all of this extensively when making a decision in conjunction with my doctor about whether to fly. Those cutoffs are in place for a reason – this is when the real risk of an early delivery are high enough to warrant a no-fly policy. I’m going to be checked out by my doctor right before the flight. If there are any signs of complications or any risks for pre-term labor, I don’t fly. Many, many more people have heart attacks or other medical emergencies on planes than deliver a baby on board. I will be a much safer flying risk than hundreds of people on planes right this moment with heart disease.)
@Leslie
I think what Ken Darling hinted at is that when you are having a baby, you have a good idea of the delivery date, the no-fly periods, and the likelihod of having to reschedule. Thus to adequately protect yourself you only had to buy a refundable ticket this one time.
Ken, on the other hand is taking care of a sick relative. The nature of the illness makes it impossible for him to ascertain whether he’ll be able to fly. Consequently, every ticket he purchases will have to be a fully non-refundable ticket. That would be prohibitively expensive.
Also, consider his non-refundable ticket was $1100. That suggests to me that a fully refundable ticket would have been in the $3000-$4000 range.
My final rant is that airline tickets are non-transferable. I see this as an unjustifiable money grab. I can’t think of an analogous circumstance outside of travel. I’d feel alot better about the airline ticket rules if it were possible to sell your ticket (subject to reasonable rules to prevent market distortions). At least Ken could have sold his ticket and recouped some of his money back.
I have to side with Mr Darling to a point.
Airlines have created this arcane fare rules, fare structure for there benefit. It’s called Yield management and can net a carrier an extra 3 to 6 percent in revenue which in the airline business is the difference between profit and loss.
AIRLINES created this Cat & Mouse game and then get royally pissed when some of us decide to play it and get good at it.
After all Mr Darling didn’t write a 77 page Contract of Carriage did he? Did Mr Darling create between 6 and 22 fare classes each with different rules between city pairs, did he? NOPE Mr Darling decided to play the game even with his Mother as clearly ill as she is.
Where I fault Mr Darling is if my Mother was knocking on Heaven’s Door I would have jumped off the Airline roulette wheel and broke down and bought a refundable ticket.
The airline is at fault here, just not for the reasons stated.
@Mr Bad Example
>>Where I fault Mr Darling is if my Mother was knocking on Heaven’s Door I would have jumped off the Airline roulette wheel and broke down and bought a refundable ticket.
In Mr. Darling’s defense, Chris does state that Mr. Darling bought his tickets nearly a year ago. I have an Aunt with Alzheimer’s, its a nasty disease that doesn’t have a smooth track of degeneration. It perfectly plausable that Mr. Darling thought that his mom would be as well as can be expected in her hospice a year ago, and it sounds like this turn for the worse was somewhat unexpected. I think its very human to not want to dwell on the potential death of a loved one if they seem to be doing reasonably well.
And I’m with you on the Indian call centers. Don’t even get me started.
As the child of an Alzheimer’s patient, I’m appalled by the insensitivity of some of these posts (not surprised by Mr. Farrell’s rant, though). My father suffered from both Alzheimer’s and emphysema, and “fortunately” the latter took him before he forgot who we were. For nearly two years, he swung between being able to answer the door and carry on a conversation to not being able to get out of bed. My step-mom, bless her, took him on trips whenever possible to keep him stimulated. When the final stage came, it came fast and furious, but up until then, his days were mostly good and he was more than moderately functional.
I totally understand the airline’s requirement to see some sort of “proof” of illness or death. People being what they are these days, the scammers have caused companies to protect themselves in ways that hurt honest folk. But the airline surely could have handled this situation more compassionately.
I think a major part of the problem was the overseas call center. When I call for customer service from a U.S.-based company, I refuse to deal with anyone who doesn’t speak English without an accent. I keep asking for a supervisor, then that person’s supervisor, and so on, until I eventually get connected to someone stateside. If that doesn’t work, I go the e-mail route and, thanks to Chris, know how to reach the necessary people.
I’m glad the airline decided to show compassion, and I wish Mr. Darling well.
Mr. Darling, your mother was in a care facility and became dehydrated? I think you need to file a complaint with a state regulatory body over what one.
I’;m glad to see everyone so understanding of my dying mother – instead you chose to call me insensitive because I did the responsible thing or disagreed with how handled the situation.
I know quite a bit about dementia. One of the hallmarks of dementia is that there are peaks and valleys and emergencies happen often and become ‘routine’; during the course of care. You can almost guarantee that day before you leave on a vacation you are going to have an emergency. The issue is that while you have moral obligation to care for your parent, it is likewise not a LEGAL obligation. This means that your parent, or their guardian if one has been appointed, has the legal obligation there are many respite care centers – even temporary as in a 1 or 2 weeks so once can go on vacation – available in every part of the country.
Moderate to Severe dementia requires 24 hour care – and has frequent emergencies that are predictable over all if not in the day to day prediction.
Yes, the airlines have created a system whereby if you get to the right person you can get relief, Thus, the rules are arbitrary and often meaningless. So, does that mean you should play that game, and hope you can find someone to give you what you want?
Its things like this that drive people who follow the rules crazy. You got your refund but Sally down the street does not and it creates ill will. Just because you ‘feel’ its right does not make it right. Folks you NEED to do the right thing at the beginning and not wait for someone else to bail you out when you do not like the consequences.
Think of the differences if USAir Capt Sullenberger decided not to really pay attention to the emergency procedures classes since, well, you know, there’s always a First Officer around to help out, or ATC or even the company. Stop the whining about sick parents and do the right thing and pay attention to the possible consequences of decisions you make – everything from spening money monthly on extra cable TV services to non-refundable airline tickets.
If MORE people thought about the consequences of taking out loans to buy housing they could not afford, a lot MORE people would have jobs right now. Its NOT all about YOU.
I think that some people need to re-read the article and stop giving Joe Farrell a hard time about his comments on this issue. Alzheimers and dementia are illnesses that require 24 hour care and are terribly draining on the caregiver. My heart goes out to everyone here who has taken on that role (I am currently in that position right now, too) and of course Mr. Darling needs to take some time to take care of himself.
Chris’s article does not state if Mr. Darling’s trip was for a random vacation or a particular event. Common sense tells one, though, that he should not book non-refundable tickets anywhere near a year in advance if he knows that his plans have a better than average chance of needing to be changed and he will not have time to apply the credit to another flight. Your choices are then to take a road trip that is more flexible and does not require plane tickets or to not book them so far in advance (or save up a little bit longer to buy the non-restricted fare).
Mr. Darling, you knew the rules before you purchased your tickets and by “playing the game” you absolutely are guilty of abusing the system. Yes, supervisors can be sympathetic and help people in dire circumstances, but passengers should be responsible for their choices (the choice to take this kind of trip, obviously not the circumstances regarding your mother’s health). You could have saved yourself an unnecessary headache by making different choices to begin with.
You and your mother are both in my prayers. My comments are not intended to be unsympathetic (it seems that most commenters here are indeed sympathetic to your position with your mother), but sometimes it is easier to look at a situation if you are not directly emotionally involved.
I have one last point for Paulette – so it was better for you to see your father gasping for every breath from end stage emphysema than fade slowly into the good night and permanent childhood of alzheimers. . . .
I would not call that compassionate or fortunate. . .. fortunate for you perhaps – but then most folks are selfish that way.
Paulette, I apologize for defending Mr. Farrell. He obviously does not realize that Alzheimers is not simply fading away without any awareness of what is happening.
Mr. Farrell, must you insist on proving how insensitive you truly are? That last comment was completely uncalled for and distracted from the discussion at hand.
However, my other comments on Mr. Darling’s situation still stand.
I was being saracastic Jess – that does not come through very well in print. . . .
But feel free to withdraw your concern and defense, I understand the stages very well and insensitivity is up to the beholder. I was merely asking why Paulette thought a death from a debilitating lung ailment of which the final stages are truly nasty was better than one from dementia? The only difference I can see is that when one dies from the lung ailment one is more in control of faculties and able to communicate and recognize family members – but also experience the excruciating symptoms of emphysema as the person you always knew. If it were me, I rather my loved one was completely checked out from the demenita before they end their life permanently out of breath and in a permanent state of hypoxia.
Joe – I never withdrew my concern. But some sentiments, whether they are meant to be taken literally or are uttered (written) sarcastically, really should just not be given at all. You have made some very good points in this thread, but they have been overshadowed by your sarcastic and, yes, insensitive comments. I have lost one grandfather rather quickly to lung cancer and the other has been battling dementia for several years. Listening to his panic when he cannot remember things or people that he thinks he should know is absolutely heartbreaking (especially when it escalates to the point where he can hurt himself physically) and though they weren’t directed at me, I took your comments to Paulette personally.
Can we agree that Alzheimer’s is a heinous disease?
I’m tired of a society where everyone is a victim. My Dad died of a service related illness before my 14th birthday, SO WHAT! I should get some kind of break? Look it’s life and poopie happens.
Mr Darling worked the system to his advantage and it worked out. So the lesson to us all is when life hands you lemons don’t make lemonade whine to the grower that you got shorted and didn’t get enough lemons to make a decent lemonade. If that fails threaten to sue the grower, the delivery company, supermarket and the check out girl. Still no luck? Go to the media and Presto Chango you get a full truckload of lemons..
NON-REFUNDABLE mean just that! Stop with the “Cat peed on my homework” grade school excuses.
I own a 17 room inn located in sunny Palm Springs, CA. We have been open 14 years. Someday, I will write a book and the title will be “Making Hotel reservations is the biggest cause of Grandmother’s Deaths.”
I have heard well over a hundred times, “my grandmother just died and we have to go to the funeral, I hope you won’t penalize me for our last minute cancellation.”
We then always say “we are sorry for your loss, we are having beautiful weather. We will need a copy of the death certificate.” 9 times out of 10 the person will say “You are having beautiful weather? Weather.com shows rain.”
We explain that the national weather service does not have an office in Palm Springs and always gets our predictions wrong. The people then come to our resort. We have never once received a death certificate for a grandmother. I guess the grandmothers rise from the dead.
Now for parents, children, and siblings, I would say 95% of the time the guest is telling the truth if they say they are critically ill or passed away. And spouses is 100% truthful.
It’s a tough call. The airlines always overbook to cover themselves for last minute cancellations, whereas small boutique resorts like ours never overbook.
Last minute cancellations cost us probably $30, 000 in lost profits per year where we turned away guests and then sit empty due to cancellations. That is a lot of money we lose for being honorable and guaranteeing rooms, and guests not being honorable and cancelling last minute.
So my advice is if you aren’t sure because you have an ill parent, etc. book last minute and use something like priceline.com for last minute airfares.
Like Tom Mulhall sez, people think that its ok for Grandma to die, but its never ok for their parents to die, thats too ‘insensitive.’ Its ALL lying and its all false pretenses and people need to be ashamed of themselves making up excuses about dead relatives.
I know, none of our erstwhile bloggers here would ever make up the excuse about dead grandparents to escape paying a non-refundable fee. They’d have maimed children, or the dog died, or the car broken down, or some other likely excuse.
For those of you who don’t get the geography of LA, the desert gets about 10 days of rain a year, most of it in summer with monsoon thunderstorms. . . . winter is usually gorgeous.
Yeah, I wouldn’t call it compassion either. He just made it difficult enough for United that someone blinked.
Something similar happened to me a few years ago: In January, I bought a non-refundable plane ticket on a KLM flight to visit a friend in Asia in June. Four months later, I learnt my father was terminally ill – the doctor told us he would be dead by the end of August. I tried to cancel/postpone my flight; KLM first accepted to change the dates if I paid a €200 penalty. After checking my ticket number, it turned out I had bought it on the Northwestern stock, and they wouldn’t change my ticket. I never fly KLM/Northwest anymore on long haul flights; I had to use them twice for short business trips, but I stay away from them as much as I can.