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Five Flights from Hell
Power Trip · February 7, 2003

Frequent fliers avoid them. Flight attendants fear them. Tourists get burned by them.

They're the airline flights from hell - routes where you encounter the rudest passengers, the most indifferent crew members, substandard (or nonexistent) meal service, rough flying conditions or, often, all of the above.

Of course, you can have a bad flight anytime. But there are certain trips where you're likelier to walk off the plane feeling as if you'd rather stayed home. The airlines know about them, because they're the ones the senior crew members refuse to work on. Experienced road warriors do, too.

I'm here to tell you about them now.

Here are five flights to avoid (and why), based on feedback I've gotten from passengers and flight attendants, and from my own experience. Also included are tips on how to get around these flights.

New York (La Guardia) to West Palm Beach, Fla. This is a dreadful flight year-round, but it's even worse from Thanksgiving until Easter, when the so-called snowbirds fly south to escape the brutally cold New York winter. On these trips, you'll often see cranky passengers berating flight attendants because the coffee isn't warm enough or the cabin is few degrees too cool for their liking. In a way, it's easy to understand why this flight is 2 1/2 hours of pure hell. On the flight down, everyone is impatient to escape the subfreezing temperatures. They focus on an easy target: the junior attendants who got stuck working the flight. On the way back, passengers are even more irritable, because they're leaving the warm weather, returning to Gotham. Stay away.

How to avoid it: If you're trying to get from New York to South Florida, you're better off flying into Fort Lauderdale, Miami or even Melbourne, Fla. Travel during off-times — an early morning or late-night flight — to avoid the riff-raff.

Los Angeles to San Francisco. These commuter flights from Southern California to Northern California are so terrible that I would prefer a long drive up Interstate 5 any day of the week, any time of the year. The clientele is usually all business, which means a majority of passengers feel as if they deserve to be sitting in the first-class cabin, or at least to be treated as if they do. This can be a problem, since the most-popular flights from L.A. to the Bay Area are operated by Southwest Airlines and have an all-economy class configuration, not to mention flight attendants with an attitude. You can only imagine what happens when these high-maintenance travelers and no-nonsense crew members meet. When the old PSA served these routes with its trademark smiley-faced jets, the crew laughed along with the passengers; now they just laugh at them.

How to avoid it: Pick an alternate airport — Ontario, Orange County or Long Beach — and aim for off-times, when you're less likely to run into the commuters. And I'm not kidding about driving. Sometimes, these flights are so delayed that the car is quicker.

Chicago to Orlando, Fla. In the company of others, flight attendants affectionately call this the Disney Run, because it's often loaded with families on their way to an Orlando theme park vacation. But privately, crew members have other names for this route, none of which can be published. What's so bad about it? Well, picture an inexperienced flight crew dealing with about a hundred simultaneous requests to heat up a baby bottle. Now add another hundred toddlers screaming "We want Mickey! We want Mickey!" For good measure, throw in another hundred requests for aspirin from the sleep-deprived dads. Is it any wonder this is one flight no one wants to take?

How to avoid it: Theme parks do have a slow season — September and October — which is a fine time to take the Disney Run. Other than that, the only real way to steer clear of this route is by selecting an alternate airport. Try Tampa, which is an excellent midsize airport on Florida's west coast, or Melbourne on Florida's east coast. You might have to endure a layover, but it could be worth it.

Washington, D.C. (Dulles) to Newark, N.J. Here's another commuter flight, but this one flops for reasons different than the L.A.-to-San Francisco haul. And no, I'm not going to make a crack about the uneasy mix of politicians, lobbyists and commuters who share a cramped space with the out-of-place leisure travelers. Here, it is the flying conditions and the impractical nature of air travel that make this a miserable route. Consider: It can take more than an hour to get from points within downtown Washington to Dulles International Airport. By the time you check in for your flight, travel to the northern New Jersey airport, de-plane and reach your final destination, half a day can pass. And that's not all. I've personally experienced some of worst air turbulence between these two destinations. Given all that, the only reason I can imagine that anyone would take this trip is for the frequent-flier miles — which is a horrible excuse.

How to avoid it: Take the train. Amtrak's Acela from Washington to New York frequently gets you there faster, and with far less turbulence.

Las Vegas to Baltimore. Loaded with leisure travelers who are hung over from their gambling vacation, this is one of the worst flights to get stuck on. If you're flying to the East Coast from the Los Angeles area and trying to save a few bucks, you might be tempted to take the layover at McCarran airport in Las Vegas. Word to the wise: Don't. I made the mistake once, and it isn't one I'm likely to ever repeat. From this smoke-filled, slot-machine infested airport terminal, to the many testy passengers upset that they've lost money at the casinos — so upset that they insist on getting intoxicated before the plane takes off — the Vegas-to-Baltimore haul is unlike any other. I'm not surprised that flight attendants have a low threshold for tolerating abuse on this flight, but I am astounded that any airline serving this route can find enough crew members to work on it.

How to avoid it: Take the direct flight from Los Angeles to Washington or Baltimore. If you're in Las Vegas, pick a midweek, daytime flight, when fewer of these disgruntled, money-losing passengers take to the skies.

Based on the list, you'd think the flights to avoid are those serving popular vacation destinations. But that's not necessarily true.

In another column, when I take a look at the best flight routes, we'll find out that timing has as much to do with as your final destination does.

Christopher Elliott is a travel commentator based in Key Largo, Fla. All e-mailed questions may be edited, condensed or republished at the site's discretion.