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Bothered & Badgered at B&Bs
The Travel Critic · August 2, 2000

Cynthia Barry became part of the bed-and-breakfast backlash when the proprietor of the inn she was visiting during a trip to England tried to break down the door to her room one morning.

"He ranted and raved because we did not take our showers until after breakfast," she recalls. "He said that there were rules for staying in a bed and breakfast and that we should know them."

During his door-front tirade, she says, the innkeeper accused the Clearwater, Florida, traveler of "slumming" - visiting a run-down neighborhood for amusement - and threatened her with bodily harm. "We did not know if this angry, crazy man would hurt us or try to kill us. We were very frightened of him and the situation."

Orin Levy joined the backlash too, but for less-dramatic reasons.

"Do I really want to be accosted every morning at breakfast with questions from the innkeeper on where I had dinner last night?" asks the Denver television producer. "Do I really want to listen to the tales and foibles of tourists and their exploits while I attempt to brief myself for the coming day? Can I really live without a dataport to stay in touch with the office?"

Travelers who once preferred small inns and bed and breakfasts to big chain hotels seem to be second-guessing their lodging choices these days. The Professional Association Of Innkeepers International reports that growth among corporate travelers has been practically flat lately - a sign, perhaps, that hotels are successfully luring former customers back with amenities like Internet access, 24-hour room service and the promise of anonymity.

Nor has there been a corresponding increase in other types of overnight clients to make up for the slack business trade, the association reports. Statistics show that the numbers of other visitors - pleasure travelers, people hosting meetings at an inn or attending other special occasions at B&Bs - have remained stagnant, too.

But is it fair to call it a B&B backlash yet?

Pat Hardy, the co-executive director for the innkeepers trade organization, thinks not. Many small properties are evolving into quiet getaways where people who travel on business can get work done, she says. And, Hardy adds, there's a proverbial silver lining to the so-so numbers: "When business travelers do try an inn, they usually become very loyal repeat customers."

I lean toward the backlash theory. For the last five years I've been a loyal B&B kinda guy -- until I stayed recently at a small property in Pennsylvania for a few weekends in a row. On my first weekend, I didn't sleep at all. A freight train thundered past my room at 11 p.m., 2 a.m., 4:30 a.m. and about 6 a.m. (the latter being my wakeup call, no doubt).

On my next weekend, after I'd learned to use the earplugs in my room, the proprietor's wife drew me into a conversation during breakfast. Where was I from? What brought me to town? By my second cup of coffee, I found myself fielding questions about my personal life that I wouldn't consider answering from my own family members, let alone a complete stranger.

On my last weekend, the meddling innkeeper turned the tables and offered me unsolicited advice about my private life.

Talk about an all-inclusive package...

"The experience of communal breakfasts is way overrated - whether you're on business or on vacation," says Ron Dylewski, a Pittsburgh Web consultant who avoids small properties for many of the reasons that I now do.

But many innkeepers remain oblivious to the privacy needs of their guests, as Katherine Hutt, the president of a Virginia public relations firm, discovered while visiting a B&B in Cape May, New Jersey.

"The proprietors wanted to foster the mix-and-mingle atmosphere with guests," she says. When Hutt refused, she was "really made to feel as if I wasn't doing the whole B&B thing correctly."

Which makes me wonder: How, exactly, does someone do the B&B thing correctly? Or more to the point, how does a B&B do its thing correctly? Where does an innkeeper cross the line between being the perfect host and being a pest?

Guests are abandoning small inns because they feel as if the people managing them are being too intrusive, even if it's often in a well-meaning way. Travelers like Hutt, Dylewski, Levy and I will choose a B&B only under duress. Barry, who essentially fled her English inn, is a goner, never to darken a B&B's door again.

If indeed there is a backlash, how long will it last? That's up to the inkeepers, who need to check their annoying habits when their visitors check in.

Tips to make your stay at a small inn more satisfying

• Ask about any special rules of the house if they aren't explained to you at check-in. B&Bs are notorious for having quirky regulations like, "Don't feed the cat."
  
  
• Let your innkeeper know if you have any special needs - if you're working on a project and need to be left alone, for example. Or say you'd rather eat breakfast by yourself instead of with a group.
  
  
• Explain the purpose of your trip ("I'm on business."). In the event your proprietor assumes you'll participate in group activities that evening or the next morning, he or she won't be offended at your absence.
  
  
• Don't be afraid to express your displeasure. If the housecat breaks your concentration by jumping on your lap, or if the innkeeper disregards your instructions, don't hesitate to let someone know. If worse comes to worst, check out early.

Christopher Elliott is a travel commentator and author of A Bridge to Nowhere: A Year in the Florida Keys. All e-mailed questions may be edited, condensed or republished at the site's discretion.