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Read That, Seen That
The Travel Critic · July 26, 1999

Is in-flight entertainment one of the travel industry's most enduring oxymorons?

Passengers like Mike Eisenberg think so. "I'm sorry to say that I can now recite the dialogue from That Darn Cat by heart," gripes the advertising manager from Brisbane, Calif.

"What would make United Airlines think that anyone over the age of 12 would be interested in viewing it in business class - let alone six times?"

Nicole Kobrowski counts herself among those not amused by the films and periodicals on planes, too. "I loved Titanic as a movie in the theater but not on an airplane. Movies with death by disaster themes should not be a part of the selection," she says. "As for the magazines, they are usually catalogs or boring in-flight magazines."

Airlines aren't oblivious to the complaints. A recent Air France survey found that in-flight entertainment is "crucially important" to customer satisfaction and loyalty. The top passenger lament, according to the study: not enough individual video screens in the seatbacks.

Other common problems include the dismal quality of the reading material, the awful audio selections, having to pay for a cheap set of plastic rental earphones, and inadequate projection systems in steerage class.

When it comes down to it, though, one of the most annoying things about air travel isn't how a film is shown, but which film is shown. Why are airlines always screening duds? I asked in-flight entertainment expert Terry Wiseman, publisher of the industry e-zine Airfax.com. He said airlines aren't at the top of the food chain when it comes to securing the rights to first-run movies, so the selections are likely to be commercial failures or very outdated (it took months for Titanic to take to the skies).

Another consideration that leads to the marginal selections is a desire to please all passengers. But the carriers' insipid and politically correct film choices end up making nobody happy.

Help may be on the way. A new in-flight entertainment system called P@ssport, developed by Sony division Trans Com in Irvine, Calif., offers up to 36 full-length motion pictures on demand to every passenger on the plane from a seatback unit. Selections can be fast-forwarded, stopped and rewound just like a tape.

There's also talk that it might offer e-mail and Internet connections soon. "The system is even smart enough so that when you turn off a movie and then come back to it, it returns to the part where you left off," says Randy Lincoln, a vice president of sales and marketing for Trans Com.

The P@ssport has gotten an overwhelming thumbs-up from travelers. One story making the rounds is that on a test flight, passengers were so impressed that they skyjacked the new entertainment system from technicians and refused to return it until the plane landed.

Dealing with the pathetic magazine selection isn't as simple. Airline magazines, though abundantly available, tend to be second-rate publications - from the nauseating front-of-the-book commentaries by airline honchos that smack of insincerity, to the preapproved, cliché-ridden destination stories that fill space between the advertisements.

"Of course it's airline propaganda," says traveler Liz Tidwell. "The airlines have a captive audience. If you don't like it, you have to bring your own magazine or book."

If you're lucky enough to know where the real magazines are hidden (usually in the last overhead compartment of each section) then you won't fare much better: hopelessly outdated issues of Black Enterprise and Golf Digest await you there.

Airlines subscribe to the titles based on their mix of news, entertainment and education value, according to one insider I talked to. But by the time you board, all the current issues are invariably gone.

I'm optimistic that our collective boredom will be alleviated with products like the P@ssport, which doesn't cost much more than the conventional seatback systems on today's commercial aircraft.

Meanwhile, BYOB - bring your own book - and hope for the best. I am.

Christopher Elliott is a travel commentator and author of A Bridge to Nowhere: A Year in the Florida Keys. All e-mailed questions may be edited, condensed or republished at the site's discretion.