The laptop that inspired poetry – sort of

This was supposed to be an ode to Gateway Computer. Nine hundred words of praise for its Solo 3350 CS laptop, composed in all but iambic pentameter.

I owe Gateway big time. For starters, it’s one of the only computer manufacturers with the chutzpah to let this critic test its portable computers. In my book, that’s less of a reflection on the critic and more of a statement about this column’s readers. Gateway obviously believes its products are good enough to accompany any business traveler on the road anytime.

But there’s another reason why I wanted to write something favorable. Just as Gateway’s evaluation unit landed on the doorstep a few weeks ago, my primary desktop computer gave up the ghost – specifically, the data on my PC decided to go to information heaven, which is where all content eventually ends up.

And so just as the bits and bytes were figuratively floating skyward, the package with my evaluation unit gets delivered. I perform the emergency transfer and all is saved, and I’m thinking to myself: “Gateway, where do I FedEx my firstborn?”

But then there’s this small problem, which is that I still have to evaluate the lifesaving notebook. So I take it on the road with me to Europe and to California, just to kick digital tires.

Uh-oh.

BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED.
My first test of this unit was a fairly simple one. Charge the battery completely, then take it on the plane and see if I could get a story written before the power peters out. That’s exactly what I did yesterday on a flight between Baltimore and Los Angeles (ironically, it was this column that I was working on). Why did the battery run down in less than an hour? Did the computer know that I intended to write something critical? It must have been that or I might have clicked on the wrong settings, but either way, I ended up having three hours to nap instead of work. Next time, I’ll remember the spare battery.

WHAT’D YOU INSTALL ON THIS?
At the moment, I’ve got nearly 20 applications running in the background with a scant 56 percent of my system resources free. No wonder this laptop freezes up regularly, including every time I try to set it on “standby” or “hibernate.” If I were to keep this Gateway, the first thing I’d do is strip some of these needless applications away and hope it would fix the problem. It’s nice to have 128 MB of RAM, but where does it say that you have to use all of it? Aren’t there any software engineers who consider themselves minimalists, or is efficiency not a quality that’s rewarded when it comes to setting up these systems?

ABOUT THAT TOUCHPAD…
Don’t misunderstand me – I’m not suggesting we should return to the trackballs that were installed in the kneecrushers of a decade ago. But the Synaptics TouchPad that comes with this model is a frustrating enigma. Getting used to it takes a while, during which time your cursor goes flying every which way but where you want it to. Trying to configure the control device is the real mystery: the pad offers settings for buttons, pointers, pointer options, touch, edge motion, scrolling, button actions and tap zones. Excuse me? I want my old mouse back!

DID YOU HEAR SOMETHING?
One of the oddest things about the Solo 3350 CS is the amount of noise it makes. The disk drive generates an almost constant, high-pitched whirring sound – and since I can’t put the PC into “hibernate” mode, I’ll never know what it sounds like when it’s powered down, unless I turn the darned thing off. After a while you learn to tune the noise out, but for the first few sessions, it’s distracting.

PERIPHERAL PROBLEMS.
It would be unfair to single Gateway out for this final issue, but I’m a little perplexed by the way its peripheral devices are handled. Want to use a floppy disk or a CD-ROM? Then you have to take one of the laptop’s bulky plug-in devices with you on your trip. It’s not just inconvenient – it also makes you wonder about portability and the sacrifices that the engineers have made on its behalf. How many other devices could be stripped away from a laptop in order to make it lighter? The touchpad? (Oh please, yes!) The processor? The keyboard? Personally, I think the PC makers should find a way of including both a disk drive and a CD-ROM drive in future models, without adding any weight. Now that would be an achievement.

My friends at Gateway probably think I can’t stand them, having written what I just did, but the very opposite is true. I have nothing but the utmost of respect for Gateway. The problems I pointed out are relatively small and can be fixed with a little tweaking and patience. I’m looking forward to seeing the next generation of portable computers from this manufacturer. Despite the Solo 3350′s shortcomings, I would take it on the road with me any time – as long as I remained mindful of its limitations.

But most of all, I applaud Gateway for continuing to subject its machines to the toughest critics on the planet: the road warriors who read this column.

Christopher Elliott is the author of Scammed: How to Save Your Money and Find Better Service in a World of Schemes, Swindles, and Shady Deals. Critics have called it “eye-opening” and “inspiring” — it’ll “grab your attention and won’t let go.” Order your copy now on Amazon, Barnes & Noble or iTunes.

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