The heavy toll of a light laptop

Portable computing. Two words that don’t belong together. Never have and probably never will.

Consider the newest Apple PowerBook G3. I marvel at the laptop’s active-matrix display, built-in DVD-Video, wicked-fast 300-MHz processor, 64 megabytes of memory, and 8 gigabyte hard drive. But I cringe at its weight: nearly 8 pounds, which is about as heavy as a large infant.

Although it’s a far cry from the earliest Apple portable, which weighed slightly less than a mainframe and was affectionately known as the kneecrusher, taking it on the road is a hassle.

Why? Do the math.

No one brings just the computer on a trip. You need a carrying case, like Port’s Defcon 3 (wouldn’t want the thing to get stolen). The black case features motion sensors integrated into the unit, so that no one walks off with your laptop. You control it by using a remote keychain.

Total weight: about 4 pounds.

So we’re up to 11 pounds and we’re only getting started. Now add an extra battery. A state-of-the art lithium ion battery for the PowerBook is an absolute must for long voyages. But there are two problems with this particular battery: it costs about as much as a PalmPilot and it’s known to spontaneously combust from time to time. If you can look past that, you’ll add only about one-and-a-half pounds to your burden. The safer nickel variety is twice as heavy and stores half the charge.

We’re already up to at least 12 1/2 pounds. Possibly 14 pounds.

That’s before the printer. Couldn’t go anywhere without a printer. Mine’s a Hewlett Packard DeskJet 340. I kick myself for packing it when I don’t need it, but then again, I never know when I’ll need it. That’s another 5 1/2 pounds. All told, you’re now lugging 18 pounds.

Let’s throw in a couple of peripherals. A transformer, power adapter, a hot-swappable disk drive like the one I’ve got on my PowerBook – they all add up. Conservatively, I’d say the transformer for the DeskJet and laptop, plus the wires and the disk drive weigh another two pounds.

Twenty pounds. And we’re still not done.

If you’re traveling overseas, you’ll probably want to include something like The Europe Access Pack from 1-800-Batteries (I recommended the pack in my holiday gift guide). This connectivity set, which comes with 20 telephone adapters and six grounded power adapters, an in-line telephone coupler, modular dual telephone adapter, two-line adapter and an RJ11 retractable phone cable, weighs at least two pounds.

I also pack my daytimer (another pound), an airline travel survival kit consisting of saline solution, lotion, lip balm, noise cancellation earphones and eyepatch (another pound) and user manuals for the printer and computer (half a pound). Throw in a good novel for the long wait at the airport and a copy of today’s newspaper, and you’ve got another pound or so. Don’t forget the startup disks, in case of a system crash, and disks for backup and the printer driver (maybe another half pound).

That’s 26 pounds, nearly 28 pounds if you play it safe. If you’re power hungry, you’re talking 31 pounds with a second reserve battery.

And they call this portable computing? Phooey.

My Apple G3 minitower weighs 33 pounds excluding the monitor and keyboard — almost as much as a “portable” configuration. Not only does that make absolutely no sense, it’s also dangerous.

A few months ago I profiled Kenneth Light, a San Francisco doctor who specializes in difficult back surgeries, for another publication. He’s called the “doctor of last resort” because he does operations no one would dare. I’ll never forget interviewing Light during lunch, after having watched him cut open a patient to repair a damaged spinal column. We talked about the dangers of operating so close to the spinal chord – one slip and you’re paralyzed or dead – and when the subject turned to ways to avoid these kinds of debilitating injuries, Light gave me one piece of advice that’s likely to stay with me for a while.

“Don’t lift more than your body can handle,” he told me. “As a general rule, if you’re over age 40, you shouldn’t try to lift more than 30 pounds.”

Portable computing is not only a myth, it’s a perilous myth. Many frequent travelers are older than 40, their laptop carrying cases weigh well over 30 pounds, and they’re putting themselves at risk every day because of it. What’s more, the computer industry chooses to ignore the dangers to their customers. (When’s the last time you saw a cautionary note in your new carrying case about overstuffing your luggage?)

Laptop computers may indeed be getting lighter, but our peripherals aren’t. As our need for add-ons, interfaces and security features grows, our vulnerability to serious injury does, too.

Christopher Elliott is the author of Scammed: How to Save Your Money and Find Better Service in a World of Schemes, Swindles, and Shady Deals. Critics have called it “eye-opening” and “inspiring” — it’ll “grab your attention and won’t let go.” Order your copy now on Amazon, Barnes & Noble or iTunes.

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