The flying time from Tel Aviv to Newark, N.J., is about 11 hours. But to Patricia Skewes, it seemed like an eternity — thanks to the young passengers sitting behind her in economy class.
“There were three children, ranging in ages between five and 10 years old, and their parents were sitting far away in business class,” remembers Skewes, a jewelry store owner in Marshall, Minn. “Our seats were kicked and pounded. They screamed. They would bite each other and roll around the seats, kicking our backs. The people all around were very upset, but the flight attendants could do nothing.”
Kids on planes. Mention it to any traveler — particularly a frequent business traveler — and you’re sure to get a strong reaction. Skewes certainly isn’t holding back. “We were held captive by little terrorists,” she says.
Can’t we just all get along? No, we can’t.
Kicking, screaming, unruly children, and their oblivious (possibly negligent) parents are a reality of life on the road. A reality few travelers seem to like. A 2006 survey by corporate travel agency Carlson Wagonlit found that crying babies are the No. 2 pet peeve when they’re traveling. The only thing that annoys these road warriors more, the poll found, was air travelers who carry too much luggage on board.
That’s probably a nice way of putting it. A decade ago, as a columnist for another Web site, I conducted an online survey one week. The question: Who would they prefer to ban from planes — babies or pets?
Guess who got voted off the plane? The kids, of course. By a wide margin.
After that particular column was published, I was derided by some readers as a “child hater,” so to prove them wrong, I started my own family (two kids and counting) and began traveling with them. Not much good it did me. I’m still sympathetic to the other side — the adults who just want a little peace and quiet on their trip.
Until babies are verboten from flying, here are five survival tips for those grown-ups who want to stay sane on the plane:
Talk to them. It may seem obvious, but often, in our annoyance, we forget the obvious. Now granted, you aren’t going to be able to reason with a 2-year-old (trust me, I’ve tried). But a 7-year-old is much better able to understand that the tray table belonging to the seat behind you isn’t a drum set. A simple, “Excuse me,” or, for teenagers, perhaps even a throat-clearing, is often all it takes to compel these junior passengers to straighten up and fly right.
Tattle. You know the old saying, “There’s no such thing as a bad dog, just a bad owner.” Well, the same can be said for kids and their parents, according to some airline passengers, many of whom have seen lap-dogs that are better behaved than under-age travelers. If a child is non-responsive to your pleas for a little civility, then maybe his parent will be. No need to scold. In all likelihood, the parents are already feeling the heat from other passengers. Often, it only takes a little eye contact to communicate your need for support, and to prompt them to act. If they don’t, try to approach them in a non-threatening way. You don’t want to become another air-rage statistic.
Distract the kids. That’s what Stevanne Auerbach, a child development specialist and author of the book, “Smart Play/Smart Toys” advises. “I always take along a supply of colorful toys to quickly — with parental approval — give to a child to calm down its fears or minor upsets,” she says. Why should other people’s kids be any concern of yours? Well, in a perfect world, they wouldn’t be. But parents sometimes forget to bring toys and coloring books to keep their preschoolers occupied on an extended flight. Would you rather that their forgetfulness becomes your problem? The key is to secure a parent’s approval before offering a toy to a child. Otherwise, it could make a stressful situation even worse.
Call a referee. Flight attendants often demand unquestioning obedience from their passengers — so why not expect them to do the same with their youngest fliers? Again, it isn’t a matter of reminding crewmembers to do their jobs. They normally don’t take too kindly to that. Rather, it is a matter of bringing the unruly child to the purser’s attention and letting the airline employee decide the best course of action. Flight attendants have the authority to separate passengers who don’t get along, and let’s be honest, what kid in his right mind isn’t going to heed the instructions of someone in a uniform?
Move. If all else fails, find another seat. (Some of you with less patience may skip the first four points and just try No. 5. I wouldn’t blame you.) Once the cabin door is closed, you can move anywhere within your class of service. So if you’re sitting next to kids who look like they might be trouble, wait until the doors shut, and then bolt for the nearest empty seat (but heed the instructions of the crew; after all, you don’t want to get yourself moved all the way off the plane).
There isn’t always an easy way out. Pamela Blodgett, a second-grade teacher from San Jose, Calif., decided to spring for an upgrade on a recent trip to Hawaii. She ended up sharing the first-class cabin with a large family that had seven boisterous kids. Throughout the 6.5-hour trip, their offspring pelted her with bits of play-dough and crackers.
“I like kids,” she says. “But this was way over the top.”
The parents were obviously in over their heads, too. Even though Blodgett appealed to them, they seemed powerless to intervene. “Dad did nothing,” she remembers. “Mom seemed to be either nursing or changing a diaper for the entire flight.”
At the end of the trip, as they deplaned, Blodgett overheard someone from the economy class section remarking how lucky they felt that they weren’t in first class.
All of which may be reassuring to passengers who, despite trying these five survival tactics, still end up next to an enfant terrible: eventually, the flight ends.
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{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }
Sedatives are another good thing to bring on board. When it’s clear that the parent is totally overwhelmed, offering them 1/2 of an ambien for their kid may be exactly what the doctor ordered. ;)
Just got back from a two hour non stop from Medford, OR on which a mother with a four year old talked non stop in a high voice to ‘comfort’ “Sydney” as to what was going on in the plane and thereafter. When we got off, the child was so tired that she was almost doubled over with fatigue. Its what I call the Montessori syndrome that the child has to be involved in everything that is going on – doesn’t matter who is around.
I too would rather not fly with a bunch of rambunctious, out of control children, however, many years ago I had to fly with my daughter who was only 6 months old. Being that I was traveling alone with my daughter I was able to board the plane early. I carried my daughter in one of those kangaroo type pouches, which did make it somewhat easier. I was already in my seat and my daughter was fast asleep on mystomach/chest when the other passengers started boarding. After some time an elderly lady stopped at my aisle and just started screaming, and I mean screaming, “Oh no, I’m not sitting next to no baby, Oh no!” I was so taken back that I started sweating and getting all nervous not quite knowing what she was gpoing to do. After she yelled that a few times a flight attendant came and assessed the situation and asked if I wouldn’t mind changing seats. By no means was I going to decline that offer. I ended up being moved to bulk head seats, to my advantage(more room). I have you know my daughter never even woke up from the time we took off till well after I was at my destination. I was taken back when the other passengers exiting the plane would comment on how good or how quite my baby was. Made the old hag look like an idiot!!
Several years ago, my wife and I were rather proud of the newest timeshare we purchased in Orlando…We like Florida and looked forward to many years of visiting our newest resort.
but….last year, we flew to Orlando to start our vacation and found the plane full with the screaming and riotious goings on of children…uh-oh! We forgot that Orlando is the #1 vacation spot for adults with children…This is not going to be a pleasant flight.
Eventually, about half way through the flight, most of the crazyness quited down somewhat….
But we experienced the exact same thing on the way back home…
It makes me rethink the wonderful timeshare purchase we made in Orlando…This may be the one we use for trading…
I use to have to take the Delta Flight 31 from Moscow, Russia to JFK. That flight is nicknamed the “baby flight”. It seems the kid adoption process is easy,and many Americans couples go there and pick up their kids. Many of the kids range from newborns to young toddlers. They are freaked out to begin with but to make matters worse, they don’t understand english. As a business traveler, in the Delta Business Elite I found the noise cancelling headphones work well, but they are not the answer to unrulely bratly kids. Baseball bats would work well but too bad the flight attendants can’t issue them out. I would like to smack the parents not the kids.
Happy Trails
Many parents nowadays are totally inconsiderate when travelling with kids. As long as the kids are not bothering their parents, the parents ignore almost everything else they do, including, in one case, the kid sticking his leg though the seats and kicking my laptop. The parents basically ignored my loud “excuse me” until I finally called them idiots(that finally caught their attention). On my last transcontinental flight, I had the pleasure of being within a row of four children under 4, including one in my row whose parents( who kept asking me to trade my aisle seat for a window) insisted on continually playing a DVD or Barney with the speakers on(thank god for noise cancelling headphones). Have people lost all consideration of others with their “me first” attitudes? I always made sure my daughter behaved herself when she was young ( I used to joke that it was better to travel with her than my parents).
When my granddaughter was 6 years old, she began traveling alone as an unaccompanied minor from Chicago to visit us in Tampa. Her parents had raised her to have good manners, and this carried through to her airplane travels. On every occasion the flight attendant told me when I picked her up after the flight what a well behaved little girl she was. A couple of times the flight attendant put her in first class. She always brought along in a little carrryon bag a few books and Barbie dolls and never left her seat except to use the bathroom. Unfortunately for us, since 9/11 her parents will no longer allow her or her younger sister fly unless they are with them.
My husband and I have been fortunate in our many travels to not have encountered too many unruly children. When a family is traveling on the same flight as ours and their children are well behaved, I always compliment them and their parents…compliments go along way and are appreciated.
I have traveled business heavily for 5 years. I have traveled also with infants (I have son and daughter), so I have both experiences. It is hard for me to grasp the attitude of adults towards children and their parents that are trying their best. Kids are our future. We have to grow culture in which other people are willing to help Mom control kids on the plain, not just roll their eyes and demand perfect conditions on the flight . This is quite selfish and imature. If airlines would provide organized seating where they group all kids in one section of the plane, than at least parents around each other would have higher tollerance levels. And for those primadona adults that are so selfish – get the first calss ticket if you are so special and need the whole world to spin around you!
Kids shouldnt be allowed in first class.
I can sympathise with anyone who wishes to fly without kids around. I even do not want to go out for dinner if I have to sit close to anyone who has more than two kids with them. (I always ask to be seated elswhere). I have two boys now 25 yrs and 23 yrs of age. I always got a sitter if we were going out as I did not wish to have my children annoy others. When we went out, we did not want to have to put up with other people’s children when we were paying good money to hire a sitter.
We flew to Hawaii from Winnipeg Canada when the boys were two and four yrs old. It was close to a 8 or 10 hour flight. I made sure that I had plenty of new small toys and (finger foods that they were familiar with). I spent months preparing for the plane trip, shopping for small articles that would entertain them. It was a wonderful trip. We were relaxed and the kids were happy.
I have to admit that when we were waiting to disembark, the people befind us said “When we first got on and saw that there were two little kids sitting in front of us we were not pleased.” “But we have to tell you that they were extremely well behaved, to the point that we did not even know they were here.” Other people while walking down the aisle also commented on how great the kids were. Now my kids were the typical boys but I was prepared and made sure they had things to do. We adults too were involved in playing with them, as you can not expect kids to entertain themselves for 8 or more hours in cramped quarters.
All it really comes down to, is to respect other people’s feelings.
I find it very inconsiderate that someone would proudly recommend children or babies should not be on flights.The point is that ALL people should be respected on the flight.Everyone wants a peaceful relaxing trip,including children and youth.People -parents,adults without children and children should be considerate and well behaved.Without children flying the travel industry would soon become nothing..by the way these children grow up and fly themselves.I agree with above comment-for all the primadonna adults,that think the world exists exclusively for them,their is first class. Thankfully airlines are continually thinking of ways to improve the quality of flights for families and young children!
I second the inconsiderate adults who suggest banning babies and kids from flying. Why not post some constructive ideas instead? There are parents who are mindful and try to manage that their kids do not interrupt other passengers.
Many of you missed a very important point:
The parents were obviously in over their heads, too. Even though Blodgett appealed to them, they seemed powerless to intervene. “Dad did nothing,” she remembers. “Mom seemed to be either nursing or changing a diaper for the entire flight.”
Why the (insert your favorite expletive-deletive here) aren’t people PUNISHING the fathers who do nothing? (I am one, and I make sure to do as much as possible!)
So often, we see exactly that: Father does nothing while mother does more-than-everything. I’ve even seen Father in first class, mother in coach.
In the meantime, maybe the airlines need to empower their staff to… relocate the father to next to the kids.
I am astounded by the number of adults who expect better behavior from young children and infants than they themselves are apparently capable of. Go back over the posts and look at the volume of voilent and hateful remarks made by ADULTS towards children! I bet many of you wonder why people are generally negative; take a good long look in the mirror.
As adults, you are far more in control of your words, actions and emotions so get a grip.
And for those of you who claim to travel so frequently, I do not understand your comlpaints. Aren’t you experienced enough to know you have many more options available to you than a parent has for young children? Take your own drugs, wear ear plugs, etc. And try to slap a smile on your face once in a while.
Lisa, Lisa, Lisa, surely you do not deny that there ARE parents who absolutely do not care one iota whether or not their children behave in public. Those are the ones we have a gripe with, not all children/parents across the board. I am staunchly childfree but WILL say that I do not object to the presence of well-behaved youngsters who don’t kick seats or are otherwise unruly. Sure, sometimes kids have a freakout or painful ears-totally understandable. But deliberate lack of consideration? Come ON…
When I was flying from ATL to SWF, my seat was reassigned because I was late to the gate. I then was given a seat next to a mother of 3 toddlers. On the taxi to the runway, and the climb, the kids were crazy. So I just listened to my ipod. And for the rest of the flight, the kids seemed to settle down.
This is an old article but obviously still a relevant issue.
Airlines should have a policy prohibiting children from being seated far away from their parents. You’d assume as much, but that Israel flight story blew my mind!
My kids have flown quite a bit since they were both babies, and we have always made sure to have books, snacks, toys, and the like ready to keep them occupied. It makes the flight more pleasant for everyone on the plane. We teach them how to be good flyers, and have been fortunate to be able to fly with them quite a bit. They’ve both had their moments here and there, mainly due to ear pain, but that’s to be expected. They are well behaved, our expectations are made clear before boarding any plane, and they are getting good training for flying etiquette as teens and adults.
I travel a lot for business and try to be extra patient when I hear small children or babies on the plane who are upset. I’d be a hypocrite otherwise. Lord knows that flying has become so unpleasant that I’d like to scream and cry about the experience sometimes too! I think most parents try to do their best when they are flying with their kids. Unfortunately, the old saying about one rotten apple spoiling the whole barrel can really apply in this scenario. Anyone’s kid can have a bad day, and unless the parents are deliberately ignorant and oblivious we can’t know the circumstances.
And I loved the comment from BP about fathers doing their part to keep the kids calm! Right on!
Where I’ve come across problems is when the parents were still kids themselves. My flight was only about 2.5 hours, and the child in back of me kept kicking my seat. All “mom” had to say was, “Well, kids will be kids.” Whatever happened to teaching your kids some MANNERS???
Sorry to all whom don’t know what’s going on, all the time. I have two active children, which most of the time are well behaved but do get bored easlily. We bring everything we can from books, to toys to our own movie players. But what do you do when one of your kids is mild audtistic? Do we ban him from Disney or can people realize that there are things out there that no one can control. Maybe the people who have issues should rent a car and to their destination, because I wouldn’t survive that long with my two. They don’t intentionally upset people, but if they happen to bump a chair or a table, so what. I recently flew back from Mexico and we were reading to keep them calm and our 3 year old slid off his chair and bumped the chair ahead. One instance and the guy turned and suggested we control our children. If that is the level of patience from an adult, how can you expect more from a child. Just a thought.