Kids on a plane.
No four words incite more acrimonious debate among air travelers. Not “your flight is delayed.” Not “here’s a new fee.” Not even “snakes on a plane.”
On one side, you have childless customers who just want a little civility while they’re locked inside a pressurized aluminum tube. And on the other, parents who believe airlines should accommodate anyone, anytime — particularly their beloved offspring.
Talk about oil and water. Or maybe, nitroglycerin.
Children and planes can be a combustible mix. Consider:
Ask your irritating child to smile
Two hours into her recent JetBlue flight from New York to Las Vegas, Marilyn Parver watched as a loud child that had been annoying other passengers nonstop since takeoff finally made one of them snap. She videotaped the ensuing fight, and oddly, was threatened with arrest after refusing to delete the footage.
Bloody Mary!
When Tamera Jo Freeman’s kids began to argue about a window shade on a Frontier Airlines flight and spilled a Bloody Mary into her lap, she spanked her offspring, which provoked a confrontation with a flight attendant. Freeman threw a can of tomato juice on the floor, and was arrested and convicted of a federal felony defined as an act of terrorism under the Patriot Act.
Bye bye, plane
Kate Penland’s toddler son wouldn’t stop repeating the words “bye, bye plane” as a Continental Express flight from Atlanta to Oklahoma City taxied down the runway. A flight attendant suggested that Penland administer baby Benadryl, a medication that’s often used to sedate overactive kids. When Penland refused, the flight turned around and both passengers were kicked off the plane.
Hey little girl, want some Xanax?
Who can forget the case of Daniel Reed Cunningham, the Northwest Airlines flight attendant charged with spiking a 19-month-old girl’s apple juice with Xanax, a prescription depressant?
Question is, what to do about the littlest air travelers?
A decade ago, the last time I wrote about this issue, my sympathies were with solo passengers who wanted to ban babies on board. But now I have three kids — ages 6, 4 and 2 —and I’m leaning to the parents’ side.
Kinda.
Here are five ways we might approach the kids-on-a-planes problem — and what you can do to become part of the solution:
1. Kids’-only sections
“I would gladly pay an extra $20 each way to avoid the noise and headaches,” says Randy Gillespie, a travel agent from Collingswood, N.J., adding that such an option should be built into the fare rather than offered an optional add-on. Kids’-only sections have been tried on an informal basis in the past, but never quite caught on. Families couldn’t be forced into one section of a plane any more than kids could be excluded from, say, first class. But you can still find your own “kid free” section on a plane. On domestic flights, children may not sit in exit rows, and they’re unlikely to make an appearance in business- and first-class sections, where seats are super-expensive.
2. Ban ’em
“I don’t know whether it would be practical to have child-free flights,” says Bill Armstrong, an information technology consultant from Calgary. “But certainly, I am on the list of people who would pay a little extra for that.” Armstrong recently endured a nine-hour flight with a child that “had developed a uniquely annoying scream” that didn’t stop and could be heard even while Armstrong wore headphones. But is getting rid of all children a viable solution? Probably not. That’s not to say crewmembers shouldn’t be more vigilant about looking for potentially disruptive kids during boarding and warning their parents that outbursts and other forms of unapproved behavior won’t be tolerated. If you suspect you’ll have a problem with an unruly child sitting next to you — and this is especially true if it’s your own child — then speak up before the cabin doors close. A crewmember might be able to move you to a different section. Or a different flight.
3. No, get rid of the adults!
In fairness, I can’t raise the issue of banning kids without handing the mic to angry parents who think annoying adults should be banned, too. So here it goes. “Are there really more disruptive kids on planes than obnoxious adults?” asks Hayley Schultz, who travels with her three kids, ages 5, 7, and 9, and notes that they sit in their seats, read books and watch TV without incident. Good point. If you want to see annoying adults, just take a red-eye flight from Las Vegas, where half the unlucky passengers are trying to drown their sorrows one mini-bottle of cheap whiskey at a time. Or board a wintertime flight from any New York airport to Palm Beach, Fla., a route known for its preponderance of irritating passengers. Schultz represented some of the more levelheaded comments I’ve received from parents who thought this whole debate shouldn’t be happening at all. Point taken — but not enough to end the discussion.
4. Encourage responsible parenting
Many in-flight altercations are a result of negligent parenting, to hear some passengers talk about it. Mauranna Sherman, an administrative assistant from Forest, Va., was recently kicked repeatedly by a five-year-old on a flight from Charlotte to Albany, N.Y. When she turned around, the boy’s mother just shrugged. “Mom had no bag of toys or books or techie stuff” to distract her son, she remembered. Airlines bear some responsibility in helping adults prepare for a flight with their offspring, and their Web sites could do a far better job of telling new parents what to expect on a flight. But ultimately, of course, it’s parents’ job to make sure they’ve packed enough food and entertainment for the flight. I’ve heard of childless passengers packing their own snacks, toys and games to deal with stressed-out kids they might encounter on a flight. That’s not a bad idea.
5. Pass new seatbelt laws
“I would like to see kids more secure during flight,” says Nancy Hatten, a flight attendant who lives in Farmington Minn. “Parents of children under two should be required to purchase a passenger seat for the child and then keep them buckled in a child car seat during flight.” That would require parents to buy a seat for their kids, which they currently don’t. But it would almost certainly make air travel safer and saner for everyone else. Toddlers strapped in a car seat usually come to terms with their circumstances quickly and know that a stroll down the aisle to visit the pilot is not possible. Airlines can make it easier for parents to buy an extra seat by offering a discount and providing parents with special seats or child-friendly seatbelts, the same way car rental companies do.
Even though I have three children, I still can’t quite bring myself to siding with many parents, who seem to feel as if their kids should be able to fly anywhere, anytime and behave in any way they want to. (They’re kids, after all!)
My offspring are capable of some of the most annoying behavior ever. After all, I’m their father. So when a flight attendant tells me my kids are out of line, I’m the first to agree. I wouldn’t dream of seating my children in business- or first class even if I could afford it. That’s a topic for another column, though.
But ban kids outright? I used to like the idea, at least in theory, but now see eye-to-eye with readers like Lisa Hirsch, a Los Angeles-based entertainment journalist.
“What are parents with small children supposed to do?” she asked me. “Never travel?”
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While it’s of course not reasonable for parents to never travel if they have children, I think the majority of cases really do come down to responsible parenting. Too many people seem to be of the selfish “just because I have kids doesn’t mean I’m going to live my life differently” kind of parent.
I have a child, and he’s polite and courteous. We’re often complimented when we’re out on how wonderful it is to have a child who’s like that. Kind of sad when you think about it… it’s so rare for children to behave properly that when people do encounter it, they have to go out of their way to compliment him. It’s appreciated, but sad.
If only parents would realize that the rest of us should NOT have to deal with a “child just being a child” Exercise your duty as a parent and teach them when they’re in public to act in a way that doesn’t bother everyone else.
Sometimes it’s not the kids but the grandparents or parents trying to amuse the child that can be annoying.
I remember I was flying cross country on an America West plane (way before they became US Airways). Right behind me was a grandfather trying to amuse his granddaughter. Seems normal enough except for his actions. He had his tray down and he kept banging (somewhere between tapping and banging) his plastic cup on the tray and all the while saying in a sing-song mode “Jesse, Jesse, girl!” He kept that up for God knows ho long.
I wanted to just stand up and say something to him, but of course I didn’t.
Good ideas!
The babies who are screaming during take off and landing probably have ear pain (as well as being tired and off routine) the simplest fix for this is a bottle, breast or pacifier. The sucking will releive the ear pain and if started during the ascent will prevent it. This worked wonderfully for my son. He was prone to ear infections so I also checked with the pediatrician and had a decongestant ready if we needed that too. He would contentedly sleep if we gave him his pacifier. Chewing gum works for toddlers and it is a very special treat if gum is not usually allowed at home.
Do nof use Benedryl or other drugs for the first time on a plane! Try them out at home first. My cousin, the pharmacist, discovered that her three kids had a paradoxical reaction on a 14 hour flight to Korea. Some kids get MORE active when they take Benedryl. Fortunately she has some of the most polite kids on earth, but she was hoping for sleep to ease the step into their new time zone.
Check to see if the toys you bring make noise or music. I was on a flight near a very well prepared set of parents and children. Half of the toddler toys played songs that could not be shut off or accomodate headsets. They were quiet enough that the songs were not heard by more than the row in front or back of them and all of us said it was ok, but the FA insisted no audible music. Interestingly she first thought it was my 12 year old’s iPod that she could hear, so she knew nothing about children’s taste in music at different ages!
Whether you are the one traveling with the kids or just being prepared, bring lots of hand wipes. Little is more pervasive than sticky fingers no matter how often they are washed. Whether to clean your own area or to offer to others, fresh individually wrapped wipes bring a smile to nearly anyone. There are huge facecloth like ones available in the far east which are the best, but I usually carry extra large ones I order from a dental supply. They about 8 x 12 very soft and not too wet so I don’t have to follow up with a dry napkin, although even the extra ones from a take out restaurant would do.
Bring cups with lids! Even for adults, those silly flared top glasses are an accident waiting to happen. I consider bring an empty sippy cup for myself so i don’t spill and I am well past sippy cup age.
Simple solution — duct tape.
Kids who behave badly on a plane are the same ones who scream, throw food and run around in restaurants. They race up and down the aisles in supermarkets and stores, threatening bodily injury to all who cross their path.They kick the back of your seat in a movie theater. I believe it is too much trouble for some parents to teach their children the basic lesson of how to be considerate to others, so the kids do whatever they please. Though sometimes I find it nice to look the parents in the eye, smile and think to myself, “I sure am glad I’m not you and stuck with those losers 24 hours a day.”
There is no good answer. Unruly kids are the worst but how do you police it in flight. It would aggravating but I would not want my flight to land early to kick off a kid and his/her parents.
Airlines should have a “Air Fun Pack” for kids. Maybe a toy plane, color book, crayons to occupy them.
But ultimately the responsibility comes down to the parents or the guardian flying with the child. If your kid is unruly and you do nothing about it, you will pay some price for.
Fine the parents $10 per passenger (on the flight) per incident, with the monies gained reimbursed to said passengers. Yeah, I’d rather just pay an extra $10 and not deal with it at all, but with the possibility of an extra $2000 or so being charged for the flight I’m guessing the parents would 1) Think a bit longer and harder about whether the flight is necessary, and whether the child is ready for it, and 2) Prepare for the trip a bit better.
I’ve said it here before and I’ll say it again – Medication is the answer for everyone when traveling with kids on a plane. I have 3 grown, well-adjusted, non-addicted kids who traveled with me and dad about 2 or 3 times a year from birth. Every time we flew, when we got on the plane and settled into the seats, they were each given an age appropriate dose of legally prescribed Tylenol with codeine. They soon fell asleep and woke up with most of the trip already over. At that point, the snacks and new little toys I brought along took over for amusement. The kids enjoyed traveling and dad and I along with all the surrounding passengers had wonderful flights. The few drops of medicine helped the kids avoid the hours of boredom we ALL have on planes. It was win-win-win!!!!!
Ban alcohol on flights
I’ll echo that bad parenting is the root cause of most unruly kids on planes (or other public places, for that matter). What I find disturbing is that too many parents these days just let their kids cause whatever ruckus they want to, and don’t do a darn thing about it. I don’t know whether it’s because they want to appear “cool” to their kids or just don’t have the guts to discipline them appropriately. When I was young, my parents made it CRYSTAL clear that rude or obnoxious behavior wouldn’t be tolerated. Even today, when one of my nephews wouldn’t be quiet at a restaurant, my mom wasn’t afraid to very firmly tell him to knock it off – and by golly, it worked, as he didn’t make a peep the rest of the evening.
That being said – we as travelers do have to be willing to accept some inconvenience, especially in airplanes. Especially if an infant is involved, they don’t have much, if any, control over when their ears start hurting or they start feeling ill while on a plane. While I agree we should all reevaluate whether traveling is a good idea with a small baby – I come across some who just refuse to give up their globe-trotting ways, even for a few years until the child grows up – it’s unreasonable to expect babies to never travel, too.
Bad parenting is definitely rampant, but now what we have is “bad parenting with attitude” where the offending parent verbally attacks anyone who would question the behavior of their demonspawn. There is no easy solution for this, it is a societal problem that we deal with not only on planes, but pretty much in any public place.
Places where people can be more easily kicked out, such as hotels, restaurants, and stores could go a long way toward reforming these bad parents by being less tolerant of this sort of thing. It continues to amaze me, for example, how a hotel would allow some demonspawn to disturb 50 of their guests rather than “offend” the parents of the noisy children.
@S Goldberg. Wow. Do you drug your kids whenever they may get bored and restless?
I don’t have kids but tend to side with the parents on this one… its not just kids who are annoying passengers. I’d pay an extra $10 not to have to hear an entire plane, the second the seatbelt sign goes off after landing, dial someone on the ground and say “yeah… we just landed. Yeah, still taxi-ing. It was alright.” I’d also pay $10 not to have serial chatters, gum chewing flight attendants, surly rent-a-cops checking my ID, the lingering odour of terminal fast food in a confined space, spruiking the US Airways Mastercard!, letters from the CEO in the magazine, a real magazine with interesting content, SkyMall catalogues, the service of tomato juice anywhere near my person, other passengers not keeping the restroom clean etc…
I am going to quote Fran Lebowitz, which I think applies.
“I understand, of course, that many people find smoking objectionable. That is their right. I would, I assure you, be the very last to criticize the annoyed. I myself find many– even most– things objectionable. Being offended is the natural consequence of leaving one’s home. I do not like aftershave lotion, adults who roller-skate, children who speak French, or anyone who is unduly tan. I do not, however, go around enacting legislation and putting up signs. In private I avoid such people; in public they have the run of the place. I stay at home as much as possible, and so should they. When it is necessary, however, to go out of the house, they must be prepared, as I am, to deal with the unpleasant personal habits of others. That is what “public” means.”
This all boils down to the ADULTS!
The same way there is no handbook for being a parent, there is no handbook for being an adult… and sadly there are many people that could use one.
We have one son and he has been flying with us since he was 6mo old.
In March 08 we were on an AA flight from the west coast to the east coast with a transfer at DFW. ON the approach to DFW a bad thunderstorm came in and closed the airport… we were diverted to San Antonio, an airport that is ill equipped to handle the 8 full flights that were sent its way.
End result we sat on the runway 3 hours and 55 min before being towed into the gate. My son (3 1/2 at the time) had plenty to do because of the preparedness of his mother! She had brought books, games and snacks. My son was having such a good time, when they towed us to the gate, he said “I don’t want to get off”… Needless to say the other children on the flight (of un-prepared parents) were screaming, crying and just well, you know…
As a frequent traveler I always have something to do, and always have a snack in my bag “just incase”… if we can do that for ourselves, why can’t we do that for our children???
Because there is no HANDBOOK!
By the way, my son is now 4 1/2 and has flown well over 60 flights in 4 years. We are ALWAYS complimented by passengers and crew as to how well behaved he is. I have to agree with Joe in the first post, that it is really sad that our kids are the exception and not the rule!
Proud DAD!
@ian
Wonderful quote
I have mixed feelings about kids on a plane. I’ve been flying since I was a couple of weeks old – where we lived there wasn’t a choice if we needed to go somewhere, it was either fly or stay home – so I understand that flying without children isn’t a choice like some people would like to have you believe. And as an adult I’ve flown with some delightful children as seatmates, which actually increased my enjoyment of the flight. But then I’ve also been subjected to some children (and adults) that shouldn’t be let out in public, much less on a plane.
For me I have a lot more tolerance of a child that is unhappy, misbehaving, making noise, etc IF the parent obviously came prepared and is trying to control it. For example, I’ve had two flights where the child behind me kicked my seat for at least part of the flight. On one the mother did absolutely nothing to stop it. On another, the mother was doing her best to keep the child from doing it. The child would stop for a little while but when she got excited again it would start up again, as soon as the mother noticed it has started backup, it was stopped – I had a lot more tolerance for that child than the other one. On a flight 2 weeks before, the mother had a purse full of little things to keep her 3 year old occupied, that she doled out sparingly – that 3 year old was a delight to spend the hour with and he didn’t have to be perfectly silent or still in his seat.
Also, on a plane is not the time to practice the “If we ignore it, they’ll stop doing it” method of parenting. While that method is fine at home, in a confined space where no one can escape, it’s not the time to ignore Little Johnny’s constant banging or screaming or let Little Susy throw her toys away.
I think for all ages the thought should be, how are my actions, comments, speech, etc going to affect those around me? As an adult, try not to be the obnoxious talker or the smelly seatmate. Remember that your admittedly small personal space only extends to the edge of the next person’s space. As a parent, remember the same thing. Be the one prepared for everything, including a long wait, an unexpected spill, etc . Prepare your kids in advance. Teach them to use their inside voices. Also teach them that a plane has different rules – that it’s not their own personal playground. Actually most of these should be applied to all adults whether or not you are traveling with kids.
Anonymous, you hit the nail on the head on every count. It all boils down to that old-fashioned Golden Rule. And it works.
If anybody should be banned on a plane, it should be people who cough or blow their nose or sneeze. With all the worry about swine flu, it would make sense for the airlines to employ a nurse to keep disease ridden people off airplanes. I just flew across country and the guy behind me sniffled and coughed until I told him that if he didn’t aim his face away from me, I would have public health officials meet the plane for a possible quarantine. If you’re sick, stay home. I dont care that you’re afraid of forfitting your tickets, don’t bring you diseases into a confined space. Babies don’t bother me a bit. Just sick people.
I had two recent experiences with parents not being in charge of their children. On the one, I was in the window seat, a mother in the aisle and the child (~5) in the middle. It was a relatively short flight – Mpls to Omaha, but it was the last leg for me from Alaska. It was 9 p.m. The mother asked me to turn off my reading light so that her daughter could sleep. I said no, but maybe she and her daughter could switch places. Nope, not good enough. I left my light on. The daughter sprawled across all 3! seats – her feet in my lap where my book was. I asked the mother to remove her daughter’s feet from my lap. She said since I wouldn’t turn off the light, the least I could do is put up with the feet. It was a full flight – I couldn’t move. I pushed the feet off and said that I’d paid for my seat, including the use of my lap. The feet kept coming over. At the end of the flight, the girl threw a tantrum – she didn’t want to move and it was time to de-board the plane. I stepped over the girl (now splayed over the aisle) and left.
The other experience – a 5 yr old boy behind me decided it was great fun to crush pop cans between the tray and my seat back. I asked him not to do this, since it hurt me. The mother became indignant that I spoke directly to him. He did it again. I turned to her and asked her to stop the boy from doing that. She said that she had already said sorry to me, and what more did I want? I said an apology without a corresponding change in behavior didn’t mean much and that I would ring for a flight attendant if he did it again. At that point, the husband across the aisle started berating my husband next to me for having a wife that interfered with other’s children!
Question: I can’t get anywhere with parents lately about their children’s behavior (planes, church, restaurants). Should I, on an airplane, just ring for the flight attendant and not speak to the parents?
I’ll add that I work with children, pre-school through junior high, and have had great feedback on how I interact with children, nice and naughty. It’s not me, it’s the parents.
@Tom
every sniffle, caugh and sneeze isn’t swine flu or bird flue, or even TB. Quarantining people on such scant evidence is fortunately not going to happen.
Here’s an idea? How about parents take the time to be proper parents. It’s the same courtesy that goes into seeing a movie. I can’t understand what goes through their mind when they take a screaming child to a fully packed show. The same for a flight. If your child is restless, colicky, or misbehaving, then it needs to be dealt with in the same manner. While you cannot just get up and walk off of a plane (Like in a movie), you can certainly take your child to the restroom for a few minutes to calm down “Away” from people. Not to mention, as Elliot pointed out, most (but certainly not all) problems could be avoided if parents took the time to plan ahead. In the event that such planning fails, see recommendation above.
My 2 cents.
@Jeanne
Always you, never the parents. Welcome to 2009 where Kids are NEVER at fault and mom and dad have an excuse for everything. I work around children, too. Nothing is EVER their little darlings fault, even if it plain sight. Parenting for many seems to be a luxury versus necessity….And we wonder why so many children grow up and get in trouble. Hint: They have never been told “No” or Punished for their actions growing up.
Justin
Parents with spoiled, unruly, and disrespectful children are the people who unfortunately could have children but shouldn’t have (you know the saying, just because you can have children doesn’t mean you should). Their children are reflections of themselves…self-centred, rude, disrespectful, and irresponsible.
Thanks Carver! If coughing and blowing your nose were grounds for getting banned from flying, I’d NEVER get to go anywhere. I’ve had a runny nose and a cough to go with it for about 10 years. Doctors are powerless to find anything remotely helpful. After 10 years, I’d have to say it’s NOT the swine flu.
Another simple solution: CARGO HOLD
What a funny story! Yes, traveling on a plane with a bunch of kids is an experience. It makes for a great travel writing article! However, it’s the parents responsibility to make sure their kids behave. Allowing a child to scream is a No-No. You’d think parents would be video games, music, snacks, or whatever will keep the child “entertained” throughout the flight. I do like the idea of a KIDS ONLY section. Maybe someone will create another airline just for kids! It could happen. I believe there is an airline that caters to pets. I definitely will be checking that one out!
On June 15th, 2009 at 10:22 am Ian said
@S Goldberg. Wow. Do you drug your kids whenever they may get bored and restless?
No, Ian, as I said in the letter, only 2 or 3 times a year when they stood to be bored AND trapped in a small space for several hours. My kids weren’t the “annoying, always right, isn’t that noise cute” types, but they also didn’t enjoy having to be little angels from NY to LA. And I didn’t enjoy having to police their every move. They were real kids and having a nice nap for more than half the flight made their trip and mine a very pleasant start to a family vacation.
I have an experience on a flight from Paris to Miami i had 2 kids in the row behnd me and the boy that was behind me was kicking the back of my seat while wrestling with his brother sitting next to him. After about 30 minutes of this i turned around and told them they needed to behave . It stoped for a few minutes and then started up again. Then it just stoped after while i looked back to find the boys father had switced seats with him and he was with his mother in the other row. I said a quick prayer to the angel of good parents and fell asleep.
@S Goldberg
I still have problems with this strategy- as I’ve just typed out in the more recent flying kids post. Nobody enjoys being a policeman of their kids as far as I’m aware, but it’s kind of part of the deal of being a parent. The biggest complaints in this post are about parents who don’t police their kids in a small space.
Although its only 2-3 times a year (and however many times they genuinely need the drug), eventually yours kids will develop a natural immunity to the drug. What will happen then? Up the dose?
To Ian:
Well, somehow my “kids”, who started traveling as infants, have somehow made it into their 20’s and never needed more than an age-appropriate dose because they truly only took the med 2 or 3 times a year as children.
The key to this discussion is that you don’t have kids. It’s easy to be very high-minded and say something like, “if it were me…” or “I’d never do such and such…” . Being a parent means taking responsibility for your kids and trying to make their lives better in the process. My kids were a lot happier when they roused from their nap and found much of the trip was over. They got more enjoyment out of the vacation when it didn’t mean a nightmare experience for them on a plane. They were happy, I was happy and the fellow passengers reaped those benefits too.
I maintain that it was a win-win-win scenario that I will always wholeheartedly recommend.
I agree completely that bad parenting results in children misbehaving on flights. As a toddler I behaved on flights because my parents were prepared. I had toys (that didn’t make any noise), books, and games to keep me occupied. They never had to drug me, either.
However, some slack should be given to babies. A baby doesn’t know whats going on or that crying agitates others. When I was 11 months old I cried non-stop from Frankfurt, Germany to Phoenix, Arizona. But I was a baby. That didn’t happen past 2.
I think that parents need to enforce the same behaviour rules they would at a restaurant on a plane. You wouldnt let your child scream and run around a restaurant. why would you on a plane?
however alot of non parents mistake a spoiled childs tantrum over candy with 2 year olds ear hurts from air pressure. Non parents need to learn a bit of tolerance for younger passengers. and parents need to enforce the same rules they would in any public place on a plane.