1. When you call us, BE PREPARED. We are all on a very tight call time limit that the supervisors keep getting on our backs about. Be prepared to give us the confirmation code, not just your name, not the third party’s itinerary number (as that means jack to us).
2. When calling us, do not carry on with conversations with other people. Once again, we are restricted to how long we can be on the phone for, and we don’t have all day.
3. Use your head and get away from a noisy room so you can hear us.
4. Do NOT blame us when a blizzard hits. We cannot control the weather any more than you can. When there’s a blizzard going on outside, we’re not flying for safety reasons, and same with other airlines, which leads to number 5…
5. When there is a blizzard, other airlines are going through the same exact thing. Understand that we are not flying, nor are they! Thus, do not demand that we re-accommodate you on another carrier. In situations like that, all airlines are required to take care of our own passengers, not anybody else’s.
6. If the flights are full due to cancellations or delays, guess what!!! You’re going to have to wait until the next available flight, even if it’s *gasp* two days out!!! No matter who you talk to, we are not going to create a plane out of thin air just cart your whiny butt from place to place.
7. Do not treat us like garbage. We are doing the best we can without breaking company policies. If we get caught, we get fired. Using profanity, telling us that we’re obviously stupid and uneducated and that we have no purpose in life will not get you anywhere. If you don’t like the policies, do not gripe to me, as I can’t do anything about it. I get paid VERY little only to be treated like garbage from you. This is, by far, the worst job ever, and believe me, I’d leave if I could, but I need the health insurance.

I also had an experience with United where I went to an agent at the airport to try to upgrade (willing to pay for it, I was on my way to a funeral). The agent said, with a straight face, “you have to make those kind of requests in person.” I WAS STANDING IN FRONT OF HER! I was willing to pay $300 for the upgrade and instead of helping me and allowing me to give them money they left the seat empty! Ridiculous.

Cars today have A/C, and airbags, and CD players as pretty much standard. 30 years ago, not really. Cell phones? 20 years ago, they were only for the rich and were the size of a brick.

When I travel with my son (2) I prefer to let him run around* in the pre-boarding area for as long as possible to burn off energy. It’s either there or in the air… Of course, if I’m asked to board early, I’ll do as told and hope for a parade of interesting airport vehicles for the kid to watch.

* In a controlled fashion, not wild monkey style, in a corner somewhere where he doesn’t bother anybody anymore than necessary.

About the boarding situation – I’m always seated in the back of the aeroplane with the kid, so I’m not holding up that many other passengers. (Especially not if the majority has boarded before me). I arrange my belongings in the pre-boarding area so that boarding basically reduces to 1) put kid down, 2) backpack up, 3) absolute-essentials-bag under seat, and 4) sit. This is my well-rehearsed routine and I stick to it because it also makes flying less stressful for me and the kid.

Frustrated passengers behind you: Ignore. You are, presumably, doing the very best you can to get everybody seated as fast as possible. Just keep doing that. So what if there’s a mad, mad stomping woman behind you? What is the worst that can happen? She gets madder? She stomps harder? She stops sending you Christmas cards!? At least she’s not risking anyone else beating her to her seat if you’re doing a proper job blocking the aisle ;-) Ignore. Ignore. Ignore.

As for the issues of fees, we, as consumers, are just easily duped. The airlines with highest baggage fees and worst service (looking at you, United), will slowly die away. Why? Because of natural customer attrition. They will hold it off longer by giving base rates that people jump for myopically, but after they’ve burned millions of people, United (American, USAir, Delta, Continental, AirTran, etc. etc.) will realize that they need to change how they approach the customer experience, pricing, operational costs (look out unions) and make flying better.

That said, rates will eventually be nearly all unbundled. It works very successfully in places like Australia and Asia, for example, and I would actually prefer this model in the long run. Eventually fees will be more rational (ie, lower) as airlines learn how to price and get people to think about them when pricing a flight.

But, I think what we’re missing is the poor application of fees. Just like taxes at the govt level, fees will change our behaviors. To that end, if I were to think what hinders an airline and my experience, I would consider the following fees:

* Oversized carry-on penalty. You try to bring it aboard, and you get fined – maybe it’s more than just checking it.
* Fees for large child to adult ratio. Infants count as 2 children. This would ideally pay for assistance that the airline will provide your family getting seated.
* Infants no longer fly free – they get a seat and get strapped in.
* Obesity penalties. Hard enforcement of seat rules. Don’t offer seat-belt extensions for free (if you’re using one, I guarantee you the guy in 22F is not comfortable next to you even if you “fit” with the arms down).
* If you approach the gate before your group is called, be sent to the back of the line – last to board. Maybe even cordon areas off while boarding – get people to stand in line. This is the only reason I like Southwest’s model – hate it otherwise.

Airlines would also do better for service in various areas like:
* Providing temporary service at the gate to help board people. They currently rely on FAs who are already busy. Just hire a few people to help board planes and get people efficiently seated on all the flights.
* Board from front and rear doors – I loved this about Virgin Blue.

Consumers demand all for as little as possible, and at some point, maybe after there are a few more bankruptcies (looking at you American and United), we’ll realize that this is why our experiences on planes are so bad. And they are bad. But it’s not just the airlines trying to screw us over. Let’s call it 50/50.

I’ve had to do this a few times with my own children and I refuse to fly with my family unless I’m on an airline where my status lets me board early. It’s too stressful for me, and it’s annoying for the other passengers.

SO….these fees are in lieu of prices going up that should have happened consistently over the last 30 years since deregulation. AND if you happen to have elite status you do not have to pay those fees, and many of the rest of us can avoid a lot of them as well. We can complain all we want about just put all the fees together and charge one price, but when EVIDENCE proves that more people will buy the ticket online that is $5 less….. Folks, it just ain’t gonna happen.

FAMILIES: Everyone always thinks there should be rules that apply to everyone but them. Just let US board first. It would be easier for everyone. Okay, so define “FAMILY”: Infants only? Small children? Multiple children? People with TEENAGE children complain about not boarding early. Bottom line is….you should be carrying onboard what you cannot handle. Board with your appropriate number/zone/etc and learn to be efficient when doing so. There is no reason to board families first other than coming up with every reason why rules should not apply to you.

Airlines didn’t “unbundle” the cost of the first bag; they added a fee to the base fare and told everyone that they unbundled.

If airlines are a required to offer a first checked bag for free (unlikely) the fare will not change. Why? Because we, the consumers, set the fare we are willing to pay.

Beware of these seductive airline arguments. If we buy them, we will all pay the price. Quite literally.

No, people do NOT realize that eliminating the baggage fee just means that it will be rolled into the cost of the ticket. As I have stated, I would much rather the goods and services be unbundled so that I have an opportunity to avoid them, e.g. elite level business traveler, don’t check luggage, etc.

As for the ‘people of size’ issue, the solution is not just with the airlines, passengers need to take some responsibility too.

*I wish they’d let families on board first
Eh… there are two options:
a) wait – board – sit down
b) board – sit down – wait
Personally I have no preference over one or the other.

*I wish they’d give us more room
Some do. Budget airlines don’t. As for the “people of size” issue, it seems completely reasonable to me that you pay for the number of seats you occupy.

*I wish they would ease up on the change fees
If you find yourself spending a whole lot of $$$ changing you tickets – maybe you should not be buying tickets with a $$$ change fee!?

*I wish they’d charge us one price for everything
Agreed. European search engines operate with total prices. It’s the law! And it works really well. If I’m going anywhere in Europe I always use the search engines to get an overview.

*I wish they’d be nicer to those of us in the back of the plane
Maybe this is an Europe vs US thing, maybe I just don’t notice… but honestly, I’ve never had a flight attendant be rude to me?! And if a business class passenger has paid 10 times more than me for the same trip, I find it entirely reasonable that he/she receives a service 10 times better than me.