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It’s holiday travel time! You heard it here first!

November 23, 2009

snowy roadTake your car in for a tuneup. Give yourself extra time if you’re flying. Oh, and it’s going to be one for the record books.

You’ve read that before, haven’t you?

When it comes to the travel tips you see just before every major holiday, you can count on paint-by-numbers reporting: a AAA prediction followed by a sound bite from one of three travel “experts” (always the same three) followed by that familiar advice, dispensed in easy-to-read bullet points.

But which tips are cliches that should be ignored, and which are bona fide, you-must-do-this advice? If you’ve been reading these stories as long as I have, you must be wondering.


Blame tradition for this mess. What would the holiday season be without a “Yes, Virginia” editorial and a prediction of how many people are expected to travel more than 50 miles from home? Any intern can cobble together the story. Believe me; I’ve done five internships and have written it at least as many times.

(Incidentally, did you ever wonder why no one ever follows up on those travel predictions to find out whether X million drivers actually were on the road? Might have something to do with the feasibility of verifying travel forecasts. But that’s another story. . . )

One of the most-recycled pieces of holiday advice is, “Get there early.” It comes in two flavors: Arrive at the airport early, or start your road trip to Grandma’s house early. We’re spoon-fed that advice from a variety of sources. The implication is that earlier is always better for the holiday traveler, which isn’t necessarily true. Some of the most experienced travelers I know wait until the last minute to get on the road or, for that matter, to make their travel plans.

By driving or flying on Thanksgiving or on Christmas Eve, you not only avoid traffic but also can save a bundle on your plane ticket. Airlines price their fares based on demand, so on days when no one wants to fly, rates drop.

Another timeworn tip is to get a tuneup for your car. A 2006 story on a Pittsburgh news site urged holiday travelers to “have a maintenance check before hitting the road. That means get a tuneup, including an oil change.”

Oh, please! Have you ever heard someone telling holiday motorists — or, for that matter, anyone — to hit the road in an un-tuned vehicle? Don’t change the oil in your car. Don’t check the tire pressure.

If you need to be told to maintain your car, maybe you shouldn’t be driving.

Ditto if you need to hear any of the following: Pack a snack for the road; book your trip early because fares are lower; stay with relatives instead of at a hotel to save money; call to confirm your flight; check the weather forecast.

Truth is, some of that advice is only half true, anyway. Booking early, for instance, is reasonably good advice any time of the year, but it’s not always correct. Airlines and hotels can discount their fares at the last minute, and in this economy, you might pay more for your travel by buying too early.

Staying with relatives? Not even going there.

How about phoning ahead to confirm your flight? Surely that’s sound advice. Well, kinda. Calling is fine. But you’re better off logging on to your airline’s Web site, selecting your seats and printing your boarding passes. Checking the weather is probably an act of futility, because never in my 41 Thanksgivings on this planet have I canceled a holiday road trip because of inclement weather. Pack chains and go: The turkey’s getting cold.

I also object to the way these holiday-travel stories are framed. Travel is almost never projected to remain flat from one holiday to the next. It’s either up dramatically or it plunges. Records are being broken incessantly. Nothing like a little drama to sell the story.

Of course, none of this would be possible without the participation of several talking heads who make the rounds on TV just before every major travel holiday, peddling the same sorry advice along with their latest book or Internet business. I can hardly fault them, because in a sense, the fourth estate has nurtured these “experts” and taught them to speak in simple sentences for our benefit. Also, they return my calls when I’m on deadline.

I probably should have stepped out of my glass house before writing that last paragraph. When my next book is published, I’m sure I’ll turn into one of those media-trained experts, too.

I just hope it’ll be a holiday for the record books. Betcha it will be.

(Photo: quinet/Flickr Creative Commons)

Christopher Elliott is the author of Scammed: How to Save Your Money and Find Better Service in a World of Schemes, Swindles, and Shady Deals. Critics have called it “eye-opening” and “inspiring” — it’ll “grab your attention and won’t let go.” Order your copy now on Amazon, Barnes & Noble or iTunes.

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24 comments

  • Carver

    Let me try to help out these poor talking heads. Yes, the advice is often simplistic. But to someone who rarely travels, being reminded of the simple things is actually a good thing.

  • Chicky

    Very true, Carver. And Christopher, as a media person, you should certainly know there are some people who cannot have too many reminders about “the rules.” And interns have to write something, don’t they? LOL.
    Believe it or not, a lot of people may need to be reminded about their cars. “Ooops! How long HAS it been since I had the tires checked? Better do that today while I’m thinking about it.”
    Checking the weather is a good idea, too. If I’m heading to Birmingham, normally a 90-minute trip, if no rain is in the forecast, I’ll leave 2 hours early. If ugly weather is in the offing, I’ll increase that time to account for driving slower, and the possibility of wrecks.
    It’s almost all good advice, if a little time worn. Consider it a public service. That advice could save a life. If it does, you’ve done well.

  • Liz

    Even for more experienced travelers, things fall through the cracks. How often have you glanced up at the sticker in your car and gone “holy smokes, the oil change was due 1000 miles ago!” Especially with the extra bustle and confusion and stress of holidays, little things get overlooked.

    Flying on Christmas and Thanksgiving can mean savings, but not everyone has the luxury of doing so. People who want to spend Thanksgiving with their families, generally want to be WITH their families on that day, not trekking through the airport.

    As for weather–when the Seattle area got paralyzed by winter storms around Christmas last year, many people were stranded at the airport, and indeed we canceled Christmas at the grandparents 30 miles away, because our car (with chains) could not make it off a 700ft long gravel driveway that had turned to mud and slush under 3 feet of melting snow.

    Sure, some of the advice could use a little tweaking (online confirmation vs. calling), and sure we’ve heard most of it before. But as the saying goes, it’s a cliché because it’s true, and therefore probably not a good thing to ignore.

  • http://aol barbie45

    For anyone these are good things to be reminded of. Sometimes the simpler the better. We are not all poor talking heads.

  • Justin

    Chris,

    You forget many people lack common sense and need the affirmation and repeated drilling. People seem to be naturally naive and wonder how things can go wrong. It’s like showing up to the airport with thirty minutes to spare, and acting indignant when you don’t make your flight. Well news flash, this isn’t 1995 when you can walk up to the terminal and wave people goodbye. How about new tires and filling up the car? Same old story. People are not bright. People think you can drive on a car until it stops working. Hence, those talking heads provide a service to your average idiot. The proof is in the butter. They get hired YEAR AFTER YEAR to state the same old tired points. People must tune in or they wouldn’t be invited back.

    Justin

  • Kathyj

    It’s good to be reminded of the simple, obvious things, because anyone can get distracted and forget. Case in point: had to have my car battery jumped recently, and the guy didn’t remind me to drive for several miles before turning the car off. I’ve been told that I don’t know how many times, but I forgot. I drove to my first errand only a few miles away, and the battery had to be jumped again. (He inadvertently reversed the cables this time and blew several fuses, necessitating a tow & mechanic’s services, but that’s another story…)

  • LeeAnne

    @Christopher – I know you want to believe that there really isn’t a need for these talking-heads spouting inanities. You want to believe that the vast majority of the public have enough basic intelligence and common sense to be able to make their way from point A to point B without being told to tie their shoes.

    You want to believe it. *I* want to believe it. Sadly, it’s just not true. The truth is that a large percentage of the population out there really can’t figure out how to handle the simplest things, if they are outside of their daily groove.

    Just remember, half the people out there are of below-average intelligence. And even worse…fully one-fourth of them are in the lowest 25%! For real-time evidence, just look at some of the frequent commenters on this board. ;-)

    I feel your pain. It’s painful to have to accept that a large chunk of citizens are too stoopid to actually remember the most basic things. And it’s irritating to see a certain contingent in your own industry pandering to them. But the ones pandering to the bottom half are just as necessary as people like you, who try to address the needs of the upper half.

    I just want to say thanks for your ongoing efforts to give us something intelligent to read about travel.

  • http://aol barbie45

    stupid is spelled this way-not stoopid that way

  • LeeAnne

    BAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Barbie, you can’t REALLY be criticizing MY spelling? That’s one of the funniest things I’ve read in ages. Thanks for the guffaw!

    Oh, and by the way…I spelled it like that on purpose. It was done for humorous effect. Sorry it was over your head.

    TOO funny!!!!!

  • http://aol barbie45

    Some people are very intelligent. Some people have street- smarts. If you lack street smarts you are really not very bright. My husband and I were ina tour group in Italy. One of the group was a professor boasting about all of his achievments . doctorates ec. When we at the Vatican looking up he was wearing his back pack pack on his back. The Vatican is a great place for pick pockets. Well our tour guide spent the next hour trying to cancel his cards etc. On the other hand we do have some people who have street smarts and are quite succesfull.

  • http://aol barbie45

    LeeAnne; It is the holiday season try being nice.

  • LeeAnne

    Barbie darling…please do not comment on my posts. Did you forget that you promised Christopher you would stop this nonsense, when you first started wreaking havoc in his forum?

    Oh, and by the way…I trust you don’t want me to point out to you the proper spelling of the word “successful”……

    Stop harrassing me, dear. It makes you look childish.

  • Justin

    Barbie,

    Street smarts are great but without book smarts, one fails. Likewise, book smarts might get you far in life, but without street smarts, you are in for a rude awakening. People need to have some of A, some of B, and a combination of “C”. C being Book + Street Smarts combined to create a well rounded, intelligent person.

    Justin

  • Justin

    P.S. LeeAnne

    “Commenters” is not a word found in any dictionary I use. I think you might have been striving for commentators or commentaries.

    For real-time evidence, just look at some of the frequent commentaries posted on this board.

    or

    For real-time evidence, just look at some of the frequent commentators on this board.

    Both would be grammatically correct.

    Justin

  • LeeAnne

    @Justin – the word “commenters” is one that I actually coined for the purpose of this forum. When I participate in message forums, we generally use the word “poster” to mean the person who posted…but this is not a normal type of message forum, and the posts here are referred to as “comments”. Hence, I coined the word “commenters”. I actually am, and was, well aware that the word doesn’t exist in the dictionary. But as a writer, I assure you that we coin words all the time, when none of the ones in the dictionary suit a particular purpose. This is a form of “wordsmithing”…something all of us writers like to fancy that we are doing! :-)

    Oh, and one more thing (and this is not just for your benefit) – people who frequently participate in message forums know that it is considered bad form to correct posters’ grammar and spelling. This is a form of trolling. Which is why I’m getting a little irritated at Barbie’s ongoing spellchecks on MY posts And it’s particularly ironic since there have been more complaints than I can count from many “commenters” in here ;-) that her posts are often impossible to read because of their funky grammar and horrendous spelling. And she goes after ME? Too funny!

    Now, getting back to the actual topic – I will say that I wholeheartedly agree with you that people need a combination of street smarts and book smarts to achieve overall success in life. However, if one isn’t blessed with the basic raw material – the elemental brain power – one really can’t have either, can they? ;-)

  • RegularJ

    Wow LeeAnne, could you possibly be a little more snotty and condescending? It has nothing to do with responding to Barbie’s post. Your inital post had this superior tone, and actually put Elliott’s same-minded attitude to shame.

  • LeeAnne

    RegularJ, you clearly haven’t been following this forum. Stuff happened with respect to barbie45′s posts over the past few weeks that you obviously don’t know about. She was specifically asked to knock it off…and yet she continues to jab at me — the latest being finding any minor misspellings in my posts and pointing them out. This is called “trolling”. Look it up if you don’t know what it means. I am simply asking her to stop.

    My initial response to Chris’s article was written tongue-in-cheek. Sorry if you didn’t get the humor.

  • Justin

    LeeAnne,

    I realize that you “coined” the word “commenter” for the purpose of your post, or so that is the explanation you are offering to us now. However, I felt it needed to be pointed out that if one wishes to take an air of superiority to his or her peers, making up words for your own benefit is very counterproductive Maybe it’s just me, but your prior post came off as very arrogant and insulting to others. While society might judge a person by how he or she presents themselves, such an assessment is not always accurate. Some of the most intelligent people are your worst public speakers. Likewise, there are plenty of people in this world who can talk a “good game”, but are dumber than a box of rocks. Just because one might not be an exceptional student at English, does not automatically make him or her ignorant or unable to conjure a valid opinion.

    Now back to the point Barbie made about Chris’s topic. I am glad you agree on my comment. It is very true and you will see from the above, too. People need a combination of book and street smarts to excel. I can offer up a great story to show how dumb some tourists can really be at times. I was in Memphis, TN with a friend of mine and we were walking around the area. Unfortunately, Memphis has a LOT of homeless people who will bug the ever living crap out of you for money. I saw tourists opening up their wallets with WADS of cash handing money to some people. Two things came to mind.

    1) Are you a complete f-ing moron who wishes to be MUGGED and Robbed. Generosity is a good trait to possess. Yet, pulling out your billfold with wads of cash is anything but street smart.

    2) Giving money to homeless people is not your wisest of decisions. See point #1. Not only does it make you a target at that point and in the future, it also most likely contributes to habits which should not be supported. Want to help someone who is homeless, pick them up some food or buy them a sandwich.

    Long story short, some people are intelligent as hell but dumb as a box of rocks in the street smarts department. Others are suave and smooth talkers, but couldn’t offer up an ounce of intelligence if they tried.

    Justin

  • http://aol barbie45

    Jusin, you are right on target. Thank you for reminding me of my omission.You really cannot have one without the other. Your comments are concise and right to the point. Happy Holidays.

  • LeeAnne

    @Justin – It’s a shame you weren’t able to see the tongue-in-cheek humor in my original post in this thread. The tone was in keeping with Christopher’s sarcastically humorous article…I’m sorry that you missed that, and were unable to enjoy the humor. I most certainly was not taking an “air of superiority with my peers” – I was simply posting a comical response to Christopher’s article. In fact, I wasn’t talking to my “peers” at all. I don’t know you, or anything about you, so I’m sorry but I wouldn’t consider you my “peer.”

    As for coining a word: It was my own post, written by me, expressing my own thoughts…and if I want to coin a word, I will. I am a worcoiner. I wordcoin whenever I’m feeling wordalicious. In fact, I have my own entire personal language, filled with LeeAnneisms, that allow me to express myself in fantabulous and extrapalodious ways. Is there a law against wordcoining? I think not. Webster’s is a book of words, not of laws. And the English language has a delicious flexibility that lends itself to creative wordalicious wordcoinery.

    But apparently this seems to offend your sensibilities, and you feel the need to point out my writing eccentricities…which, by the way, is known as “trolling” on message boards. Hey, whatever works for ya, dude. But it seems to me that YOU, then, are the one exhibiting the “air of superiority.” I’m just having fun, and I didn’t address my comments to anyone in particular. You, however, addressed your critical comments to ME personally. So who’s being “superior”?

    As for Barbie, please understand that there is a history there, which I personally would be happy to completely forget about and pretend she doesn’t exist…but she insists on directing snippy comments to me, such as pointing out my occasional typos. Which I find hilarious, given that most of her posts are filled with more misspellings and grammatical errors than a 1st grade English essay. Honestly, I would much prefer that she ignore my posts entirely, as I normally do hers (except for the ones she directs at me). I have no clue why the woman seems obsessed with me, and frankly it’s disturbing. Hopefully she will leave me alone going forward.

    But to get back to the topic of the article, and of my post…you may be able to find the humor in my post if you look at this paragraph:

    “Just remember, half the people out there are of below-average intelligence. And even worse…fully one-fourth of them are in the lowest 25%!”

    Think about the math involved here……are you starting to see the humor now? I hope so, because you people are entirely too serious!!! :-D

  • Justin

    LeeAnne,

    What am I suppose to see about your statistic. 1/2 or 50 percent are below-average intelligence. If .25 of those 50 percent are the lowest of the low, basically you are saying:

    1/2 of America is Stupid / 50 percent
    1/4th of the 50 percent or 12.5 percent of those Stupid people are complete “Morons”.

    ….The Math is solid. If you were making a joke, you usually make the numbers not work.

    For instance, I love to say 99 percent of facts are made up. Obviously, one can tell right off that if 99 percent of facts were made, we’d have quite a problem. That statement automatically presents an air of irony.

    Justin

  • jonathan

    In the meantime: don’t forget to check those tires and oil levels! Have a safe Thanksgiving!

  • LeeAnne

    LOL! Thanks for the laugh Justin…and not from your “math” joke. Just from your whole post. I’ve never seen anyone work so hard to deconstruct humor before! That’s humorous in itself.

    Dude…if you have to explain the joke, it ain’t funny. ;-) Seriously, lighten up! You might live longer! :-D

  • http://aol barbie45

    Justin, It is a pleasure to read precise posts which do not lead to ambiguity. Your criticisms are constructive and not intended to preach or demoralize any person who posts.I am getting a spellcheck for my computer. I admit I am careless over syntax , spelling, and typo errors. I am trying to improve. My typing skills need vast improvement. I was never asked by Chris to knock off anything. Chris felt that some people should just ignore certain people. For the most part,I do. Occasionally I do after some people profess to be great writers. maybe this has happened two are three times.

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