Asleep on a plane

I can’t sleep on a plane. No matter how comfortable an airline seat is supposed to be, even on a lie-flat bed in first class, I never used to be able to rest.

During my early days as a correspondent for “Access Hollywood” I was a rookie traveler caught in a tough cycle any time I had to travel by air.

I would land at my destination feeling completely exhausted, especially after a longer flight. To get back up to speed, I had to spend a whole day resting, trying to adjust to a new time zone. And then when I returned, instant replay — I wasn’t at 100 percent the next day.

Then I discovered how other business travelers manage to sleep on a flight.

After describing my problem to a colleague, he discreetly offered me a sleeping aid. He swore it would have me down for most of the flight, if not all of it. I was reluctant to take it. I mean, didn’t sleeping pills kill Marilyn Monroe? What if I never woke up?

But I tried it on a flight to London where I was supposed to interview Rosie O’Donnell on her first major career move since ending her talk show and coming out.

I downed the pill, got my blankets and pillow ready and prayed that the plane didn’t get called back to the gate, which would have been a disaster. But takeoff was on time, and as soon as the wheels were up, I was down for the count.

I woke up as the wheels touched down at Heathrow. It was 11 a.m. local time, and I was ready to go. Not only was I rested a day ahead of my interview, but word came that if I hustled, I could make the unrelated world premiere of the film “X2: X-Men United.”

I was firing on all cylinders.

Since then, I’ve ridden the mellowing effects of a sleeping aid to Greece and Italy for the Olympics and back. It’s been great.

But I’m worried about side effects. I’ve heard about passengers who take these sleep aids, and to whom bad things happen.

I read about one normally mild-mannered man who swallowed a sleeping pill with some wine and then ripped off his shirt, threatened to kill his fellow passengers and head-butted a flight attendant. Another woman sleepwalked into her kitchen, clawed through her refrigerator like an animal and consumed thousands of calories worth of junk food.

So I started wondering: on my next flight, will I end up devouring the contents of the meal cart in midflight? Would I be found sitting cross-legged outside the lavatory with 15 empty bags of peanuts around me? Threaten a crew member, even?

I have decided to listen to my conscience, which says sleeping aids should be taken only when a flight is so brutally long that I absolutely have to sleep.

When I do, I am grateful for my seat belt, which I make sure is always securely fastened. After all, who wants to be caught raiding the galley?

Billy Bush is the co-anchor for Access Hollywood.

Christopher Elliott is the author of Scammed: How to Save Your Money and Find Better Service in a World of Schemes, Swindles, and Shady Deals. Critics have called it “eye-opening” and “inspiring” — it’ll “grab your attention and won’t let go.” Order your copy now on Amazon, Barnes & Noble or iTunes.

2 comments