Adult toys

I always pack a supply of playthings like hand puppets and puzzles when I’m on the road. They’ve saved the day for me more than a few times. You never know when you’re going to get stuck on a flight next to an inconsolable toddler or a teething baby whose ears start hurting when the plane is pressurized.

To these young passengers, I reflexively offer my toys.

But the travelers who often need my props the most are adults. On a trip from New York to Vienna, I saw a grown-up passenger regress to the terrible 2′s after she heard that engine problems had grounded our flight.

“How can you do this to me?” she screamed at a flight attendant.

I had no appropriate toy to offer her, and the crew member’s options were also limited.

“I am so sorry,” the attendant said to the irate customer. “I wish I could help, but there is nothing we can do but book you on another flight.”

On a flight to New Delhi, I watched a grown man connect with his inner 5-year-old. He impatiently ignored the clearly audible instructions to remain in his seat with his belt fastened after the plane touched down.

Instead, the well-dressed businessman unlatched his seat belt, jumped up, opened the overhead bin, pulled down his laptop and carry-on bag, and then raced toward the cabin door.

A flight attendant stopped him halfway to the door, giving him a “where do you think you’re going?” look.

Then he made an about-face, returned to his seat, sat down and fastened his seat belt again. The always-helpful flight attendant even gave him a hand with jamming his oversize bag back into the luggage compartment.

You would think that adults would at least have some manners, but that’s not always true. I remember the couple behind me on a transcontinental flight, dressed in matching baggy exercise clothes, who chatted nonstop for five hours at decibels reaching several rows in each direction. They covered every subject under the sun – dating, shopping, personal problems, and they even offered a commentary on the in-flight snack. It was impossible to get any sleep, and the passengers around me could neither read nor relax.

But not all of my encounters with adult children are frustrating. Some are funny. On one trip, the cabin attendants handed out candy to help passengers cope with the changes in air pressure.

One man asked, “Why the candy?”

“It’s for the ears,” the crew member replied.

Then he unwrapped the bonbon, broke it in half – and stuck one piece in each ear.

Stevanne Auerbach is the author of “Dr. Toy’s Smart Play/Smart Toys” (Educational Insights, 2004)

Christopher Elliott is the author of Scammed: How to Save Your Money and Find Better Service in a World of Schemes, Swindles, and Shady Deals. Critics have called it “eye-opening” and “inspiring” — it’ll “grab your attention and won’t let go.” Order your copy now on Amazon, Barnes & Noble or iTunes.

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