Security goes down the drain

The Transportation Security Administration today lifted its total ban on gels and liquids carried on planes, replacing an arbitrary prohibition on almost all things fluid (including sandwich condiments) with one that is about as clear as a bottle of hair gel.

Travelers will be allowed to carry toiletries of three ounces or less that fit comfortably in one quart-size, clear plastic, zip-top bag through security checkpoints. Passengers may also bring items, including beverages, purchased in the secure boarding area on-board the aircraft.

Show of hands, please, from anyone who understands this new rule. Yeah, neither do I.

If the TSA is saying what I think it might be saying, and if I were a terrorist, here’s what I’d do: First, I’d pack all of my liquid explosives into a travel-size tube. Then I’d make sure that my accomplices got a job at Starbucks, where they’d whip up one really mean latte for me.

Then I’d board the next transatlantic flight and … well, you can probably guess the rest.

Can’t happen, says the TSA. And I quote Kip Hawley, the agency’s assistant secretary: “After the initial, total ban, we have learned enough from the UK investigation to say with confidence that small, travel size liquids are safe to bring through security checkpoints in limited numbers. We have also taken additional security measures throughout the airport that make us comfortable allowing passengers to bring beverages and other items purchased in the secure area onboard.”

I want to believe the government. But when security is so porous that a man can fly with his two-year-old daughter’s passport, and when mysterious luggage can make a flight without a passenger, I really have to wonder.

My concerns are shared by other bloggers, who correctly point out that the TSA’s latest ruling raises more questions than it answers.

The TSA needs to take a hard look at its prohibition on gels and liquids and do what it should have done weeks ago: Lift its ban on carry-on fluids. Completely.

The terrorists will surely come up with another way of bringing down a plane that doesn’t involve combustible sports drinks.

Hmmm. Perhaps the TSA issued the wrong press release?

Christopher Elliott is the author of Scammed: How to Save Your Money and Find Better Service in a World of Schemes, Swindles, and Shady Deals. Critics have called it “eye-opening” and “inspiring” — it’ll “grab your attention and won’t let go.” Order your copy now on Amazon, Barnes & Noble or iTunes.

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