Helping Santa dodge kids, strollers and flashing lights at MCO

This blog is all about helping readers, so when Grumpy Santa had a question about how to cope with the “kids who want to hang out with me” at Orlando International Airport, I felt that I had to come to the aid of not-so-jolly St. Nick.

Orlando, with its confusing three-letter code “MCO,” can be survived by adults. Here’s how it’s done:

Hang out in the main terminal for as long as possible. It’s one of the best shopping malls in Orlando. I’m serious.

Avoid the family security lines and follow the suits. There are special TSA lines for families with kids at Orlando airport. Steer clear of them (they may look short, but they take looong. Instead, get in line with the suits. The business travelers know which lines move the fastest.

Walk to the front of the train. The shuttle trains that take you out to the terminal are always crowded at the back but more manageable in the middle and the front. The only exception is the very front of the train, where families with young kids like to go because little Junior can pretend he’s the conductor.

Families herd — don’t do the same. Families tend to go to the gate of their departure and cluster in the boarding area. Drives the airline employees crazy. (Try checking people in with screaming kids surrounding you.) Go to a gate that isn’t being used, but is still close enough to your gate that you don’t have to sprint to make the plane.

Don’t try to board first. The families usually get to go first. Just let them. You’ll be a lot happier. Trust me.

I hope these help, Grumpy Claus.

Christopher Elliott is the author of Scammed: How to Save Your Money and Find Better Service in a World of Schemes, Swindles, and Shady Deals. Critics have called it “eye-opening” and “inspiring” — it’ll “grab your attention and won’t let go.” Order your copy now on Amazon, Barnes & Noble or iTunes.

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