This blog is all about helping readers, so when Grumpy Santa had a question about how to cope with the “kids who want to hang out with me” at Orlando International Airport, I felt that I had to come to the aid of not-so-jolly St. Nick.
Orlando, with its confusing three-letter code “MCO,” can be survived by adults. Here’s how it’s done:
Hang out in the main terminal for as long as possible. It’s one of the best shopping malls in Orlando. I’m serious.
Avoid the family security lines and follow the suits. There are special TSA lines for families with kids at Orlando airport. Steer clear of them (they may look short, but they take looong. Instead, get in line with the suits. The business travelers know which lines move the fastest.
Walk to the front of the train. The shuttle trains that take you out to the terminal are always crowded at the back but more manageable in the middle and the front. The only exception is the very front of the train, where families with young kids like to go because little Junior can pretend he’s the conductor.
Families herd — don’t do the same. Families tend to go to the gate of their departure and cluster in the boarding area. Drives the airline employees crazy. (Try checking people in with screaming kids surrounding you.) Go to a gate that isn’t being used, but is still close enough to your gate that you don’t have to sprint to make the plane.
Don’t try to board first. The families usually get to go first. Just let them. You’ll be a lot happier. Trust me.
I hope these help, Grumpy Claus.
✓ Get the latest travel news, tips and commentary from Elliott’s E-Mail, the subversive newsletter from industry gadfly Christopher Elliott. You’ll travel like a pro. Sign up here. It’s free.
Sign up for my 
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Chris,
Wonderful advice. Thank you for the help. If I make it back your way, I will be much better prepared. Things are going pretty well on the road. Thanks for the help!
Well, a lot of that makes sense. Particularly putting off boarding as long as you can. That way the flight attendant can help her put your carry-on items in an overhead bin a few rows away from your seat, since the bins above you will already have been taken. Oh! I’m sorry. You already pointed out the virtues of that particular benefit in your bit about Continental Airlines’ “most bizarre action.”
The one good thing I can think of about allowing families with children (especially the young crying & seat kicking kind!) to board first while you hang back, is that when it’s your time to board you see where they are already seated and avoid seats around them. Ahhhhhh!
why are you going on the plane with your santa uniform to begin with? I think Chris should’ve started this one off In the event that your santa clause, go incognito as a busniess traveller (much easier to avoid kiddies.)