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Dead friends, destroyed homes and the other dreadful things we come home to

June 7, 2008

Castor probably died quickly. While I was away on assignment this weekend, our red-and-black striped Bengal cat chased a squirrel across the road in front of our house. A car hit him, crushing his skull.

Castor was more than a pet. He was part of the family.

He was my constant companion while I worked during the day. He was the friendliest, most affectionate cat I’ve ever known. I miss him terribly.

On the car ride back to Orlando, before facing the reality of a dead friend, it occurred to me that I’ve never covered an important aspect of travel: what you come home to.

Some years ago, my family and I returned from a vacation to find that our house had been burglarized. The perpetrators had apparently been stalking the house, waiting for us to leave. Coming home to a home that’s been looted is an awful thing. You feel violated and vulnerable.

But it could be worse. A British couple recently returned from a shopping trip to find that their pet tortoise had burned down their house. No kidding.

Last month, the Grahn family of Hugo, Minn., came back from a weekend trip to discover their house had been flattened by a tornado.

That puts Castor’s death into some perspective. I lost my cat. These people lost everything.

Christopher Elliott is the author of Scammed: How to Save Your Money and Find Better Service in a World of Schemes, Swindles, and Shady Deals. Critics have called it “eye-opening” and “inspiring” — it’ll “grab your attention and won’t let go.” Order your copy now on Amazon, Barnes & Noble or iTunes.

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36 comments

  • http://www.helpstuff.com Char James-Tanny

    I’m so sorry to hear about Castor. You and your family are in my thoughts.

  • http://www.gadling.com Justin

    Sorry to hear about your cat. :(

  • B.

    How sad it is to lose something close, but how lucky we are to truly love our families and companions. I’m sorry for these recent events. Keep him in your memory.

  • Sam R

    I’m terribly sorry to hear about your cat. He was a positively beautiful cat, and losing a friend, particularly a work buddy like Castor was to you is one of the hardest things of all.

  • http://elliott LULUBELL

    So sorry about your cat-we had a wonderful cat Murphy who passed away 4 years ago-We still talk about him every day .Your pain will dull with time,but your memories should stay vivid and alive.

  • Mike Carter

    Sorry about your loss. Losing a member of the family is always terrible and my heart goes out to you…..please adopt another cat to save the life of a shelter animal (AND IT IS A GREAT WAY TO PAY HOMAGE AND RESPECT TO YOUR BELOVED CASTOR) and please–for the sake of the cat–make him/her an indoor cat.

  • Steve Surjaputra

    Sorry to hear about your cat, Chris. You and your family are in my prayers.

  • http://onlyonsale.blogspot.com amanda

    I am so sorry to hear about your cat. Pets are so important. I have a dog and I just love him so much. Our prayers will include you :)

  • Joe Farrell

    Chris – sorry for your loss – animal companions have a way of getting under your skin.

    My ‘coming home story’ was last November. I set the thermostat to a nice low 60F – our house cleaner came and was chilly so she turned the heat up. She was completely ignorant of how to work the thermostat and simply accomplished turning it ”on.’

    Where it ran for 3 days nonstop. Burning 70 gallons heating oil at then $2.75 a gallon together with leaving the house at 107.9 F when we got home. We turned it off obviously and it took 2 days to cool down.

    Our cleaner always told us she liked it cool when she worked – and this the first and last time we let her come when we were not around during heating season.

  • http://worstflightever.com Pat Martins

    I am so sorry to hear about Castor.

    It is incredible the amount of love our pets offer us, unconditionally on a daily basis. We lost our dog two years ago and it is one of the few things in life that can bring tears to my eyes.

    Remember that you and your family gave Castor a great home and lots of love. Not all pets are fortunate enough to have a family to call their own.

  • AK

    I, too, know how it feels to come back from a vacation and find out a pet is gone. After spending a week at the beach, I went to the kennel to pick up our two dogs. At the front counter, I thought the look the receptionist gave me was off, but didn’t think too much about it. When they called me (and my young son, who came along) into a back room, I thought “they’ve never done this before.” And when we entered the room and I saw a coloring book and a box of crayons on the table, I knew something bad was about to happen. And the look on the vet’s face when she came into the room said it all. I immediately broke down, before she even had to say it. Our nine-year old black lab, who had been taking medication for epilepsy for years, had a seizure one night when the staff had gone home for the night. When they came in the morning, he was gone. My family insists they must not have given him his medicine. Whatever went on, I will never forgive myself for letting that happen. When I think of how scared he must have been, all alone in a cage, surrounded by strange smells, dying, I still cry, and it’s been over six years. I still miss him.

  • Chicky

    Chris, I am so sorry to hear about Castor. My pets are my family members, too. Hugs to you and your family.

  • Jennifer

    Chris, so very sorry about your cat. I lost my Yorkie, Willy, one year ago last week and I still miss him very much. I adopted a wonderful schnauzer from a rescue organization to help me get past my grief. I would give it a couple of months at least, though, to be fair to the new member of your family.

    Your story does point out, though, how important it is to make your cat an indoor cat. While cats love to be outside, they can easily be trained to live indoors with a nice window seat to enjoy nature from a point of safety. You can even train them to walk on leashes as my elderly neighbor does. It’s safer for your cat and safer for other wildlife. Outdoor cats live an average of 4 to 5 years while indoor cats live 12 to 18 years. Something to think about.

  • KG2V

    Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

    When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
    There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
    There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

    All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
    The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

    They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

    You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

    Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together….

    Author unknown…

  • Pat Klug

    Chris, I’m so sorry about Castor, you will be in my thoughts.

    Over the years we have lost 3 of our family cats and each one has been very hard to deal with, two were lost because of illness and one found a way to get outside and we never saw him again. ( they were all inside cats).

    We have 2 young cats that we took in so we hope to have them for a long time, but it is never easy to lose a member of your family and that is what happened to you. It may not be easy, but when you are ready, invite a new cat to become a member of your family, it is what Castor would want you to do I’m sure.

  • Michelle B.

    I am so sorry for your loss. It’s so nice to come home to unconditional love. One of my cats turned 20 in February, and I just know he’s going to go to the big litterbox in the sky while I’m on a trip somewhere. At least Castor died while pursuing happiness, which is the best you can wish for.

    Here is a poem a friend wrote when her cat passed away that helps preserve the memories:

    A cotton ball
    Big blue eyes
    A stolen heart
    not a surprise.

    Nursing and purring
    So full of Love
    A gift to me
    From God above.

    Tears filled your fur
    Laughter your ears
    Snuggling with Mama
    All through the years.

    My alarm in the morning
    My greeting at the door
    The lump in my comfortor
    and so much more.

    Your paws have reached out to me
    Your meow touched my heart
    Quivering tail said you love me
    We shall never be apart.

    The memories I keep with me
    As a new life you start
    And for you, my dear Gretta,
    A piece of my heart.

  • Kathleen V.

    Chris:
    I’m thinking of you and your family. Keep Castor’s memory alive by bringing up fun and funny things that he did….chasing squirrels, laying in the sun, playing with string, sleeping on your feet, and so on. We lost our black lab/dashund mix years ago, but she still comes up in conversations ALL the time. If you keep little things that Castor did in family conversations, you will find that although Castor is gone, he’s really not too far away.
    Kathleen

  • Trish

    “No heaven will not ever Heaven be. Unless my cats are there to welcome me.” I’m so sorry to hear about lil’ Castor.

  • Canadian Agent

    I have fur babies too and they are a huge part of our family. My heart goes out to you and your family – it’s so heartbreaking to lose a beloved pet.

  • http://singh.blogspot.com Jennifer Singh

    @AK — your short telling of that story made me cry. I had never thought much about placing my doggies in a good kennel but I won’t do it so readily anymore after hearing your story. No matter how good the kennel is, I would hate to bear the guilty feelings you described.

  • Lynn

    I was saddened to hear of your loss. Our pets do indeed become part of our family. Ten years ago I would have told you I did not care for cats. Then a stray adopted us. Even then I said he was a nice animal that just happened to be a cat. Now that he has gone to Kitty Heaven (natural causes) I have another, this one adopted by ME (animal shelter) and I must admit cats are animals that happen to be nice.

    You are a good person to have put so much love into your animal and a better man for having done so.

  • Mark

    So Sorry about Castor. We adopted Miss Kitty, or should I say, SHE adopted US, three years ago, and she has become quite a delight, as ornery as she is still.

  • Amanda Patrick

    Wow, I am so sorry for your loss, Chris. I’ve personally had a dog for about 3 years, and although I protested getting her initially, have fallen in love, and truly consider her a part of the family … It’s really an amazing bond we have with our pets. My sincere thoughts are with you during this difficult time.

  • Dave

    In 1996 I returned home from a weekend trip to a phone message telling me my brother had been killed. (By the way, though some might have objected to such a means of bad news delivery, I thanked my other brother for giving me the news straight out.) Even though I’m now usually reachable by cell phone while traveling, I still have a bit of trepidation when playing phone messages upon returning from weekend ski trips. I also still clearly recall a time in the early ’60′s when we returned home from a long car trip to be informed that our dog had been run over and killed by a garbage truck.

  • C

    We came home from vacation. After spending the night in O’Hare due to bad weather, we drove home partway. Couldn’t get home because the road washed out…and now we are dealing with our flooded house! But no person or animal died…our vet took care of our dog.

  • Jeanie

    (((((Chris)))))

    I’m so sorry about Castor. Our “furbabies” do become a part of our family, don’t they?

  • Bubba

    Cats are transients, just passing through our lives. They have a lot to teach us, but we have to learn that from them: nothing lasts.

  • Lisa

    Dear Chris,
    I’m so sorry to read about the loss of your beloved Castor. You gave him a wonderful, loving home, and now he can chase all the squirrels he wants without worry. My thoughts are with you and your family.

  • Mary Fran

    So sorry about your dear kitty…

    I lost my two darling pets last month when I was away. It’s very hard.

  • http://N/A Betty C

    I’m sorry Castor is not there to keep you company. I liked reading how you described him as being friendly and always keeping you company. Makes me realize that he was a part of your family. Keep the memories close and I wish you peace and potential.

  • http://solofriendly.com Gray

    Chris, I’m so sorry about Castor. What a horrible way to return from vacation, and a horrible way to lose a cherished member of your family. Honestly, when my cat was alive (she was my baby), I would have chosen her over my house and all my other belongings any day of the week. The house could have burned to the ground for all I cared, and if I had gotten her out safely, that is all that would have mattered. Don’t undervalue the grief you have because you think someone else has it worse. My thoughts are with you. Peace.

  • Barbara L.

    how sad for your little Castor, I’m sure he’s at the Rainbow Bridge. My story is a little different, someone came to visit me and killed my cat in my own home. We were hosting a friend from out of town who was trying to find a place to live and her boyfriend came for a weekend; I had asked him if he had any laundry that needed to be done while I was doing my own and he told me no. My husband and I had gone to work as usual the next morning and he decided to do laundry at that time. I got a call from my husband whose stoic and short voice told me I needed to come home. I knew immediately something was wrong, I think I sped the whole way home risking my life I really don’t remember. I got home and my husband was sitting by the front door, sobbing. Our baby Bela had jumped into the dryer when our “houseguest” wasn’t paying attention and perished when he turned it on. It was a nightmare-my husband could have killed this guy and he was a real jerk about it, never even offering to replace the dryer. There was no way I was ever going to use that dryer again. Needless to say our houseguests were purged and my husband and I made a pact NO ONE will EVER be alone in our house while we are gone. It’s been 4 years but it hurts like yesterday.

  • ashley

    Chris, I don’t think you can or should kick yourself for not putting your kitties in a kennel. I boarded my two cats one vacation, and they both came home with colds. That proved to be too much for my older cat’s immune system, and she died from it. If I had left them at home with a neighbor, neither of them would have been exposed to the virus and they’d both be with me now.

  • Georgina

    My condolences on your loss. I’d feel awful if I lost my cuddly orange buddy, Lewis.

    Have you ever used a professional pet sitter? Bonded & insured, part of the national association, willing to stop by for a first visit free to meet you and your pet?

    I’ve used a pet sitter, with great success. She was willing to do other little things too (water plants, get mail, turn lights on/off, etc.) Plus, she is skilled in administering medication and knows when an emergency vet visit is warranted.

  • Terre

    I am a registered ER nurse and while I was at work pulling a twelve hour shift, my beloved inside cat Mya escaped when one of my kids or husband left the house and was killed recently by our two outside dogs. To think how scared she was and I wasn’t home to help her is unbearable at the moment. I will always remember how she would love to sleep on my back or chest. I am going to miss her dearly. Our bedroom window (screen shut) was always open for her to allow her to sit and bask in the sun. My condolences to you and Castor. May both Castor and Mya rest in peace.

  • laura

    This is particularly helpful hint for famiies with pets (the non-boardable kind) but helpful for others, too. If you can, have a relative or trusted friend ‘air’ and survey the house for you before you get back (The day of, or day before). Give them a specific list of things to check on: fish aquariums, prized orchids, that leaky faucet, etc. Even if the news they report back to you before you get home isn’t good (Goldy didn’t make it) it does soften the blow if you have time to get used to it before you roll up to the door. And, if they’re a really good relative or trusted neighbor, maybe they will remove the carcass and even replace Goldy or whatever. I developed this plan of action because of the travel phobias I developed after a childhood filled with pets that died while I was on vacation. So maybe its a little deceitful having Uncle Bob slip ‘another’ Goldy into the tank, but somehow it really seemed a better alternative to having my three year old see him as a floater at the top of the tank.

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