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Baby Rebuttal
Ask Chris · November 16, 2000

As I expected, last week's column about kids on planes was about as controversial as a missing ballot box in Palm Beach. And, as we always do when the mailbox fills up with flames, we turn this week's story over to the readers:

Q: Thanks for sticking up for us childfree types by pointing out that people are ultimately responsible when their children scream on airline flights.

It was especially gutsty to add that people who don't realize this shouldn't be having children. I expect your computer will melt down from the blistering flames that ensue from incensed breeders.

-- Name Withheld for Obvious Reasons

A: Why, you're welcome. And keep reading if you want to see the flames.

Q: It was refreshing to read that there is at least a few of us out there that detest screaming, whining, bratty, grubby kids being dragged onto aircraft by parents that expect everybody else to tolerate and accommodate their spawn.

I am not about to carry toys or candy, or whatever, for their brood. Nor would I want to pay extra airfare for airlines to provide bottles of water, pacifiers, etc, for the brats that parents drag along with them.

My thinking is that "they" had the kid and "they" should take care of it and do whatever necessary to make sure that other passengers are not traumatized by the little terrorists that demand everything.

On a flight to Los Angeles from Grand Rapids, Mich., a child in an aisle seat was constantly running up and down the aisle and getting into the flight attendant's beverage cart. Mom, or the attending adult, didn't seem fit to put a halt to it not did the attendant seem willing to stop the little brat's annoying behavior. Finally, the kid was given a cup of cola, which he promptly carried down the aisle and poured onto the seat of a passenger that had gone to the rest room. Of course, this caused an interruption in the service to the other passengers while the attendant cleaned up the mess and provided cover for the wet sticky seat. "Mom" didn't think the incident warranted even an apology.

When I see kids in the gate area whining and bouncing around like they have a bad case of worms and jerking, twisting, contorting as if walking on a bed of red hot coals I cringe knowing, that with my luck, the odds of being seated next to that sort of nightmare are pretty good.

-- William Hobbs

A: While I don't despise kids, I share your sense of dread in the airport waiting area. With my luck, I usually end up next to what you would call a screaming "terrorist." And yes - I've got my fair share of war stories too.

Veterinarians like to say that there are no bad dogs, only bad owners. I think the same can be said for kids. If you see a kid behaving outrageously, it's usually a safe bet that there's an irresponsible parent neglecting his or her duties somewhere in the cabin. When it comes to air travel, there are no bad kids, just bad parents.

Q: Save that column, Chris, in a folder called "Lessons I Will Learn." I promise you that ten years from now when you are traveling with a couple of kids in tow, you'll cringe at even your mild rebuke of parents.

How do I know this? Because I've been a young adult, non-parent who traveled a lot (i.e., in your exact shoes) and now I'm a parent who travels both with and without kids. I can tell you that everything I thought I knew before about raising kids was wrong! Experience is the only teacher when it comes to parenting.

Children who travel today will become the actively traveling adults of tomorrow, while kids who don't travel won't be as inclined to do so when grown. So the travel industry (and the writers who cover it) should do everything to insure that travel is fun, interesting and enjoyable for children - because they will be your customers and readers someday.

And, yes, my kids are good travelers - we even get compliments, so I know it's not just me. I've always said that other than a love of reading, the best gift you can give your children is a love of travel.

-- Katherine Hutt

A: Your point's well taken. I'll never know what it's really like to travel with a baby until I have one of my own. However, I know what it's like to travel next to a baby, and I thought I was pretty clear about my perspective. Ten years from now, if and when circumstances change, I'll probably eat my words. Wouldn't be the first time that's happened in this column.

As an interesting aside, there's a picture in our family photo album of me taken in 1969. I'm in the main cabin of a Pan Am Boeing 747 flying from New York to Munich. I am less than a year old and I'm wearing this expression of amazement. It's my first time on a plane. If my parents hadn't traveled with me as much as they did, I probably wouldn't be a travel writer today.

While I generally support taking kids on trips, I'm less certain that it's up to the non-parents of the world to make travel "fun, interesting and enjoyable for children." I tend to think that's something for Mom and Dad to worry about - don't you?

Q: I've got a bias, since my company built its business on babies flying and we are trying to make it easier for parents than dragging a car seat around the airport and on board planes that only gets used for 10 percent of a flight (takeoff and landing).

But I can tell you, a baby in a mom's arms is a lot less of a hassle than some drunk, or jerk screaming into the phone, or an inconsiderate guy with a laptop and whatever spread all over who gets upset if you need to excuse yourself past his aisle seat to use the facilities. Give me a baby anytime.

-- Greg Nieberding

A: Those kinds of people are annoying, too. But I think most of my readers would agree that there's something particularly irritating about the incessant, high-pitched whine of an infant. Just my two cents, Greg.

Q: I will be traveling via air with my one year old for the first time. I bought her own seat, and will strap her into her car seat while flying, hoping to discourage too much resistance and annoyance to us, and other passengers. However, while everyone would like to complain about the screaming babies on board - who by the way do not yet understand the accepted conduct in public places, but only respond to what they feel - let's also talk about the adults on board who should by now have learned this lesson.

What is more annoying than a screaming baby? An adult who is obnoxious and rude, either because they were born with that disposition, forgot or were never taught their manners, or had too much to drink. That's always my favorite - some slick rich guy who has yet to figure out that no, he can't hold his liquor, and no, I do not give a #%& what company he heads up or how much he is worth. The "ladies and gentlemen" who douse themselves with their favorite perfume or cologne, which in turn sucks up all the available oxygen for those other passengers who just hope they can get enough air for the remainder of the flight. Never mind the headaches, watering eyes, and the insistent nausea that we feel due to their inability to understand that this is a small cabin which we all share, and not a trip to the tea room, where everyone is so old it doesn't matter because their olfactory senses have long since diminished.

On the other hand, we have those travelers who do not seem to know that we here in the US generally think one shower a day is acceptable, it is okay to use the water for this purpose. Try to be conservative in other ways, but please properly clean before you board a plane, train, bus or any small cabin with other people for that matter. I once saw the few remaining particles, yes I saw them, of oxygen that I had left from the perfume lady, get sucked up by the man who had possibly showered once in his 30 some odd years. Forget crashing, catching on fire, I would have almost hoped the top ripped off the plane, just so the mingling sick smells would get sucked out, although I believe they would have put up one hell of a fight.

And one more thing, for all those complaining, let me remind them that they choose to travel this way, and unfortunately [this] should be expected whenever you are with a group of people who you do not know, nor would ever care too. Furthermore, lighten up, and if they have so much authority on raising kids, then by all means, please let us parents know how we can "control" our children to their satisfaction. They were once little rugrats too, and for all it's worth they should be happy they made it to adulthood to bitch about other peoples babies (ahh, yes, the future generation).

-- Theresa Reed

A: That's it, Theresa. Let it all out.

Q:I have to admit that I am a parent who travels with my kids. The last flight I took was with my (almost) two-year-old daughter. She is usually an excellent traveler.

The problem I had (and I was horribly embarrassed and felt bad for the people that had to listen to her) was that we were told to fasten our seatbelts and hold our lap babies, but then had to sit in line on the tarmac for an additional twenty minutes in the "get ready to go" position, while waiting for other planes to take off ahead of us.

She screamed and yelled because she just wanted down. I specifically asked for bulkhead seating so I would be out of the way of the other passengers. The hardest part was waiting to take off because as soon as we did, she fell asleep. I guess my point is that the cabin pressure change is not necessarily the problem with children crying on flights. It can be related to the wait in line before take off. Thanks for letting me vent.

-- Liz Rainey

A: You're welcome. Sounds to me as if you're one of the responsible parents. At least you care about how your child's discomfort will affect other passengers. There are many other Moms and Dads out there, I fear, who just don't give a damn. Keep up the good work.

Q: I think you brought up some important points in your column on traveling with babies and I agree that it is the parents' responsibility. As a new mother of a 7-month old, I would like to share my views and experiences with you.

I have flown 8 times with my daughter - she has only ever made one small five-second peep during all those flights. I always buy her a seat (safety reasons) and we've been upgraded to first class six of those flights (frequent flyer status has its perks!).

On one flight, I had a gate attendant give us a hard time about putting an infant in first class - apparently Northwest's official policy is that you must be six years old to be in first class (frequently ignored as evidenced by the number of times we've been in first class).

Any parent who doesn't know that a child will have equalization problems is a moron. Having said that, we both know there are many morons in the world. I also view it as the parent's responsibility to be aware of how to make the child more comfortable. I was always prepared with either a bottle or a pacifier and made sure my daughter was actively sucking on one during takeoff and landing.

If the airlines want to do anything to prepare in advance, if a child is included when the reservation is made, then a brochure could be sent with some travel tips and hints. This would allow the parent to prepare for the flight. I realize that assumes the parent will actually read the brochure, but you can only do so much.

I am always extremely aware of other passengers when I fly with my daughter. The first time that we have a disaster flight will be the last time that we fly for a while. When she reaches her crawling and walking stages, our plans will be severely curtailed. Until then, I'm taking advantage of her ability to travel.

-- Jill Semmer

A: Jill, thanks to you and the other mothers reading this column for the levelheaded responses and the helpful suggestions. I wouldn't necessarily stop traveling once your kid is old enough to crawl - I would just pay closer attention to where it goes once the "Fasten Seat Belt" sign is turned off.

Christopher Elliott is a travel commentator and author of A Bridge to Nowhere: A Year in the Florida Keys. All e-mailed questions may be edited, condensed or republished at the site's discretion. Ask Chris appears weekly on this site.