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Derailed Dreams
Ask Chris · May 27, 1999

Q: I am going to be having my first Amtrak experience this coming Christmas. What plans do I need to guarantee that the 24-hour trip is enjoyable?

- Steve Allen

A: Oh boy, are you in for a surprise. And I don't necessarily mean a positive one.

If you're expecting a romantic voyage set against a picturesque backdrop of winter scenery, of white-gloved waiters serving you gourmet meals in a dining car, or a friendly porter at your beck and call, think again.

That's the impression your travel agent and Amtrak would want to leave with you, but it's probably as far removed from reality as it gets. You'll see. Taking the train means putting your trust in a passenger rail system whose glory days are long gone.

I would almost say that the words "luxury" and "train travel" have been antonyms since 1935, when Henry Flagler's legendary overseas railroad to Key West got washed away in a hurricane, but that's not entirely true. Even before the big storm, trains routinely arrived in the southernmost city an entire day late from New York.

At the very least, you're entrusting your life to a railway network that is slow, less than reliable and, lately, accident-prone. (Consider the March 15 collision between Amtrak's City of New Orleans and a truck that claimed 11 lives.)

Of course, there are notable exceptions. Amtrak's Metroliner is clean, fast and efficient. If you're traveling between Washington and New York, I can't think of a more civilized way to go. I'm especially impressed by its new Acela high-speed service that recently went online, and like many other rail buffs, hope it marks a turning point for our beleaguered National Railroad Passenger Corporation.

Beyond that, here's my advice: lower your expectations to the point where you can't be disappointed. If you don't get a sleeper car, pack as if you're going on a long road trip, or better yet, pretend you're going camping. Take an extra pillow, a blanket, an eyepatch, and earplugs. Wear loose-fitting clothing (you'll be sleeping in it.) Bring lots of bottled water and munchies, because if you're like me, traveling makes you hungry.

Avoid dining car food. Not only is it expensive, but it's generally unhealthy. The last time I ate Amtrak fare, it was fried chicken, and it was pretty tasteless.

A word of warning, too, about the kinds of passengers you'll meet on your excursion. Some will be friendly, polite and even interesting. Some won't. And it's these -- the ones who aren't -- that I want to caution you about. On a train trip from Atlanta to New York, I encountered some questionable types that made double-check the lock on my sleeper car door.

You might see some beautiful outdoor scenery along the way, but don't hold your breath for the kind of service you see in the movies. It's not gonna happen. If you're traveling during the holidays, it's far more likely that your train will be overcrowded and possibly delayed, making the snow-covered landscape a painful reminder of how long you've been stuck on a train.

Christopher Elliott can be reached at christopher@elliott.org. Or visit his home page at http://www.elliott.org.